The Runner-up

I have decided that in the unlikely and unfortunate event that Dale Jr. will not be able to fulfill the duties as my "future babies daddy," I have appointed an acceptable replacement: Simon Baker. Now he is not the most famous person or someone that many people have on their radar, but he is delicious. Check out the examples I have provided for your (and my) viewing pleasure. Look at those eyes. His smile, his smouldering sensuality (okay, so maybe that is a little difficult to see in these pictures, but take my word for it). If you are unfamiliar with his work then check out the movies The Devil Wears Prada, Something New, and The Ring Two. He also starred in The Guardian on CBS for three years. I've been a fan of his for a while and I encourage you to enjoy his body of work (pun intended), but remember - he's my back-up.

'Da News

You Are Here: We have Claire P. here to deliver us some news today (some of you know her from a little sorority we belonged to back in the day and others may know her as a good friend - or both in my case): She's engaged!!
YAH: So, how did he pop the question?!
CP: It was THE most romantic thing EVER! We spent a few days at an amazing b&b this past week. The day in question began with horseback riding. After changing we went on a picnic down by the river. The chef prepared us a fantastic basket lunch. We found the most beautiful spot. Jeremy chose that moment to sweep me off my feet once again. It truly was better than anything I could have dreamt. It was only half way through our trip so from then on we were celebrating. SOOOO Romantic!
YAH: rumor has it you two will be celebrating the nuptials at the Magic Kingdom. (A bit of an inside joke here, people - her mom saw a special about weddings at Disney World and suggested it to Claire)?
CP: Well, let me just straighten that up now. NO! Can you imagine? It's perfect for some, but not us. (heh. snobs.)
YAH: Where do you think that you'll be having the wedding?
CP: That is the big question right now. A b&b in the mountains? A vineyard in the mountains? We're on it but no decisions have been made.
YAH: When are you having the wedding?
CP: Right now the plan is sometime next summer. The future is so unknown because of graduation, etc. but that is our goal.
YAH: what will I be doing in this event?
CP: Well, Katie, we've been thinking you could escort our cat Delilah down the aisle as ring bearer. What do you think?
YAH: I'm so honored. So, are you knocked up yet?
CP: Oh right! This will give everyone the chance to meet our newborn. It's been the best kept secret!! :) JK!

You heard it here first. Congrats, Claire!!

P.S. that is NOT the engagement ring. I found it by looking on google images under the search terms "fugly ring"

Got some news

But I'm not sharing yet. It's not about me, but I will be letting you know Monday. In the meantime, I have another question.

It was announced this week that the latest season of Survivor will be divided up by race. I think that this is a bad idea. These kind of games can get really ugly and grouping people by their race only encourages certain stereotypes. One of the articles about it had Jeff Probst (the host) discussing how it would require people to look beyond stereotypes of how some races are believed to be faster or smarter. What?! I am not easily offended, but this offends me. I just think it's a bad idea.

Kitchen Envy

I hope that I am not stepping on Jamie the Gastronome's toes here by talking about things having to do with food, but I have been thinking about this particular topic for a while. I have kitchen envy. I love watching Food TV and looking at all of the state of the art, beautiful, fully-stocked kitchens. I am always jealous of how Rachael Ray, Alton Brown, or Ina Garten are able to go to their pantry or refrigerator and pull out all of the needed ingredients. I know, I know, it's television and they stock everything they need ahead of time, but I want that kind of kitchen. The one where you can decide what to cook on a whim and be able to make it without having to make a special trip to the grocery store. In an attempt to achieve this type of kitchen, I am going to poll the audience and find out what your top "must haves at all times" in the kitchen are. Mine are olive oil, onions, and garlic. Unfortunately, these ingredients make a great start, but I need more stuff. So, what should I always have on hand?

What happened to Joey?

I don't know about you, but I used to have a major Joey Lawrence crush when I was about 12 or 13. As memory serves, it was around the second and third season of Blossom when he was at his height of teenage hotness. The hair, the body, his signature "whoa" - he was the total heart-throb package. Well, he has now been relegated to that status that many teen-idols now occupy: the D-List (if you watch Kathy Griffin, you'll know what I mean). He will now be on Dancing With the Stars and oh how time has not been kind. He chopped off all the luxurious hair (the picture to the right is a bit more forgiving than the other ones I have seen) and looks like a younger Telly Savales. Am I the only person that feels really old after seeing these photographs?

Wanna Smoke?

Well, if you know me, then the answer is no. I know I can be a nag a lot of times for my friends, but I really have their health in interest when I bitch and moan about smoking. I work at a smoke-free environment - this means that you are not allowed to smoke on the property at all. I work at a gym (that shall not be named) and there are so many people that literally put out their cigarette right before they come in the door. What's the point, people? They proceed to lift weights, do cardio, stare at themselves in the mirror to make sure they have achieved their healthy goals and then leave the club and light up a cancer stick. Fine, I'm biased. The damn things basically led my mom to an early death and I don't want anyone to smoke. I just don't get why someone who works out every day would waste their time on smoking. Oh well. I have my vices (caffeine, beer, cursin') and everybody else does too. Officially off the soap box.

Crying? Yes. Good? No.

Paris Hilton says her album is so good she cries. I doubt not that her album makes her cry. I think it is for other reasons. Perhaps it could be that it has surpassed all other levels of crap? Or maybe that she realizes that this may be the last gasp of her ever unrelenting inexplicable fame? If not that, because it finally exposes the true weakness and inevitable conclusions that the Hilton bloodline has been compromised by inbreeding and laziness? Or maybe it's just that good and that she has finally conquered the last bastion of American "art" (in addition to impressive modeling, acting, and professional clubbing) left untouched by her vapid presence. Oh well, who knows.

Everybody else has pictures of babies

I wanted to share a couple of photos of my goddaughter Isabella with everyone. These are older pictures back from the summer of 2002, right after I got Teddy. Her shirt is wet in the front because she was fascinated by the puppy but she was also scared and would run away from him while doing some sort of strange spitting thing. It was pretty funny at the time and the pictures still make me laugh. She looks so cute and I can't wait to spoil her little brother when he arrives sometime in October!

Blogging experiment/promotion

Ya'll know that I am fan of Nalini Singh and I am looking forward to her new book and coincidentally there is a promotional experiment going on right now with this new book and I decided to join in!

I am participating in a blogging experiment hosted at dearauthor.com. To enter the contest, put up this blurb, image, and trackback and you are entered to win the following prize package.
$200 Amazon gift certificate
Signed copy of Slave to Sensation
New Zealand goodies chosen by Singh
ARC of Christine Feehan's October 31 release: Conspiracy Game You can read about the experiment here and you can download the code that you need to participate here.
SLAVE TO SENSATIONNalini Singh Berkley / September 2006
Welcome to a future where emotion is a crime and powers of the mind clash brutally against those of the heart.
Sascha Duncan is one of the Psy, a psychic race that has cut off its emotions in an effort to prevent murderous insanity. Those who feel are punished by having their brains wiped clean, their personalities and memories destroyed.
Lucas Hunter is a Changeling, a shapeshifter who craves sensation, lives for touch. When their separate worlds collide in the serial murders of Changeling women, Lucas and Sascha must remain bound to their identities…or sacrifice everything for a taste of darkest temptation.
Excerpt

Top posts

I don't know how to link in my blog 'cause I'm dumb. Anyway, I am going to provide the dates of my favorite posts and you can go back and see some highlights. Let me know what your favorite was.

August 9, 2005 - Beer Cooler
August 11, 2005 - First Waver Theory
September 26, 2005 - Top 10 List
October 31, 2005 - Teddy
November 3, 2005 - Christmas
November 7, 2005 - Jake Gyllenhaal
February 20, 2006 - "Wrinka"
And all the theme weeks

Enjoy,

ktg

Thinking back

I had every intention of going to bed early last night and I just could not fall asleep. I had my light out by 10, but I just tossed and turned and could not find a comfortable spot. Despite my best efforts, I still woke up just as tired as I usually am. Sigh.

On to another topic, a friend's little sister just went away to college this past week and she is having some adjustment problems. I talked to her earlier in the week and told her about how miserable I was when I first got to school. I started thinking back to those first few weeks as a freshman at a new school in a new state. I missed my parents and friends way more than I EVER thought I would. Just for kicks, I would like to know how you felt the first time you left home (either to go to school or for some other reason). Were you homesick, excited, a bit of both or what?

Back to the Idiot Box

I haven't discussed t.v. in a while, but I am about to remedy that. I apologize in advance, but this post refers to a show that many of you probably don't watch, but I am addicted to. The show?

Big Brother All Stars

Love it! I have watched the majority of the seasons of this horrible show and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. This season is awesome because it has brought back several of my most favorite and least favorite players and all I can say is this sh*t is good! The sheming is better than anything I have ever seen. It is quite the study in psychology (especially evil Dr. Will), he is the best player EVER. I have enjoyed every episode this season and it is my "can't miss show." The best part is that if I miss an episode I can watch the entire thing on the web. CBS has hooked me up with their online programming. It's a little late to start watching, but if you want to guarantee your brain cells will slowly seep out of your ear - this is the show for you. I love America!

Another animal post

I couldn't help but comment on this story I saw on cnn. A man dipped kittens in grease, and tried to fry them in a frying pan. It is on the home page of www.cnn.com and you can watch the video link. I think what I find more disturbing is the reporter at the end who says "some people may not think this is a big deal." What!!?? What kind of people is that? I believe if you don't think it is a big deal then there is something definitely wrong with you. I believe in stiff punishments for people who abuse animals. I mean many years in jail. Animals are trusting creatures and if you abuse this trust then you should pay. I going to try to get off this animal tangent, but not today.

Ooooh, that makes me so mad!

I just read a story in People Magazine about pet owners and Hurricane Katrina. When the storm first struck, one of the big stories was about pets that people had to leave behind because they couldn't take them to shelters or other circumstances. I felt so bad for the pet owners and could understand how devastating that would be to an owner. I would be heartbroken if I couldn't take Teddy with me. This brings me to the story. After people left their animals in shelters or at their homes, those pets were adopted out to other families. Now, the original owners want their pets back and often times the new families won't give them back. In many cases, these people have lost so much and now they can't even have their furry friends. I don't think it's right and I just had to post something about it. Maybe I am in the minority here, but I still think it's wrong to keep someone else's dog or cat.

P.S. I am talking about good owners, not ones that shouldn't have had pets to begin with.

Fake Nice or Real Mean?

*To those who wanted a recap of my favorite posts, I think I am going to spend the rest of the week picking them out and post it closer to the weekend*

The title of this post refers to the stereotype (that is pretty true) that southerners are nice, but fake and people outside of the South tend to be more truthful, but less polite. This is where I stand: generally, I like fake nice. This is not in reference to my friends or family, but for aquaintances and strangers. It may be a cliche, but you get more flies with honey than vinegar. You wanna get what you want? Be nice, even if it makes you grit your teeth. Treating people rudely will get you only so far, but once you get there your food will probably have spit in it, people will glare daggers at your back, make your life more difficult and subtly let you know that you have pissed them off. I bring this up because a young woman came into the place where I work and asked me if one manager in particular was available. I told her that she was in and the woman told me to "get her to the front desk." No explanation, no thank you, just a demand and she went along to browse through our merchandise. She was from a city up north (not to be named) and clearly expected to me to grant her wishes and believed that she was more competent than I (based on another interaction we had a few minutes later). I took all I had, but I was nice - even though I didn't mean it. What do you think (and what part of the country were you born in), fake nice or real mean?

I missed my own anniversary

I knew my blog-iversary was coming up, but I didn't realize I had actually missed it. After several months of contemplation and trying to come up with a name for the blog I wrote my first post on August 8th. A lot has happened in the past 12 months. Some good, some bad, but I am still here to bitch about it. I love reading blogs because they allow me to keep up with my friends, hear about other people's lives and comiserate when things aren't going so well. From August 8 2005 to August 8 2006 I have posted 276 times! Isn't that crazy? That is an average of every 1.3 days. I hope you have enjoyed reading it much as I have enjoyed writing it.

On the Road Again...

I am off to Kentucky to visit my friend Angela tomorrow, thus continuing my goal of reaching all states below the Mason-Dixon line before September. Just kidding. Angela and I met our freshman year at college and despite all odds, have managed to keep in touch since she transferred in 1998. While I live the life of a swingin' single (harhar) she has gotten married and had a baby. For anyone who ever met Angela she would have been the last person you would have guessed to become so domesticated. I believe she swore off marriage and motherhood in her late teens, but had a change of heart. I am so glad for her and cannot wait to meet her beautiful baby girl tomorrow. I am only spending the night and then I will head back to Nashville for a couple more nights of rest and then it is back to B'ham Saturday.

Back from Boca

Hello everyone! I had a nice, relaxing trip to the beach, but I was happy to get back to Nashville (where I am staying for a few more days) and hang with Teddy. I'm such a nerd. I got a little burned, but not too bad and ate a lot of great food. All of my expenses were paid and I took the fullest advantage. The resort even had a hospitality suite where they provided free wine and beer. Ahhh, my kind of place. Hope everyone else had a good weekend and I am sure to be posting soon.

Why am I anxious?

I could not fall asleep last night. I tossed and turned and even kicked Teddy out of the bed because I just could not relax and go to sleep. Part of it stemmed from the fact that I had a late cup of coffee yesterday, but the other reason is I am anxious about going on my vacation. I don't even know why I feel like this. I don't have anything that is pressing that I need to accomplish before I leave town, but it feels weird to get a week and a half off from work. I wish I could get more excited, but I just can't. I keep feeling like something bad is going to happen (Storm Chris is not doing me any good). Maybe it is because I am going to be spending five days with my dad and we are sure to get into some sort of argument about politics or some other nonsense. I think I will declare a truce and we will just avoid topics that we disagree on. Hmmm, after pondering this it leaves my father and I to talk about the weather (not global warming), and gardening. Should be fun.

This is just ridiculous

I am leaving for my vacation tomorrow and I am quite excited. I am driving up to Nashville tomorrow afternoon and then my father and I are flying to Boca Raton Thursday morning. My brother, Chris, has wanted to go for a while, but decided that it was not something he could financially arrange. Imagine my irritation when I check cnn.com this morning and find out that a tropical storm has formed out in the Carribean and is making its way to Florida in the next few days. The name of the tropical storm? Chris. Coincidence? I think not.

(photo courtesy of NOAA)

A Sign from God

I set my mind to cleaning my bedroom tonight and I was setting up a movie on my dvd player so that I could entertain myself while putting away my clothes and rearranging my furniture. Despite my best efforts, I was unable to get the dvd player to work and I took that as a sign from above that I was not meant to clean my room this evening. I might do some cleaning tomorrow, but it just depends on what happens with my electronics.

Liar Liarson, the Lying-est man from Liarstown

I lie. Who doesn't? I try not to do it as much as I did when I was a kid, but I have a bit of talent for it. I usually admit when I lie. Most of the times when I am actually lying it is to carry out some elaborate joke. I enjoy seeing people's reaction after learning it was a lie. The reason I tell you this is because I want you to know that I lie on occasion and I believe most people do. I even believe that lying is a good thing in the right circumstances (i.e. denying that someone is talking smack about another friend to prevent hurt feelings). I was lied to this weekend by someone close to me for a stupid reason. Basically, my dad thought I would not be able to handle the information that he had a date and told my brother not to tell me. Everyone else knew about it but me. I found out because one of my closest friends found out from her parents and didn't know I wasn't supposed to know. I called my dad on it and he didn't have much to say for himself. I would not have made a big deal about it at all, but he decided not to give me a chance to react. Am I excited that my dad is dating? Not particularly. My parents were married for over 35 years and it is a little weird, but he has been on a couple of dates before and I haven't lost my sh*t. I am not going to deny that I would not really want my dad to get remarried, but I don't mind if he dates people. I think I am more irritated because he told my brother not to tell me. That's not right. If everyone else is going to know then I should too. Do you think I'm right? Or are you with my dad? I would really like other people's opinions or maybe you are scared to tell me b/c I will just not be able to handle it and freak out. Maybe you should just lie to me...

65 Hours

That is the amount of time that my weekend lasts. I got off from work on Friday at 6 and I have to be back on Monday at noon. Roughly, that works out to 65 hours. Although I have another 22.5 hours to go (that sounds depressing), I have decided to break down how my weekend has been spent so far:

Cleaning: maybe 2 hours total
Sleeping: 25 hours + (really!)
Eating: 1 hour
t.v./tivo watching: 10 hours

I have to admit I am feeling quite refreshed from my loads of sleep.

Update

Tonight, I have cleaned up my laundry room and most of my kitchen. I am pretty sure that is all that will be accomplished tonight. I hate to sell myself short, but I have a lot of Tivo to catch up on and it would be wrong to leave all it unwatched. I am very goal oriented (well, in some limited circumstances). There's still Sunday.

Nothing

That is what I have accomplished this evening. I have not cleaned anything in my apartment. Actually, I have probably made it messier. That's just how I roll.

I never want what I have

My low key weekend? Yeah, not too excited about that. Trust me, if I had some big plans this weekend I wouldn't be excited about that either. Clean my apartment? eh. Exist in my messy abode? Double eh. When I'm laying low, I want to be out and about. When I'm partying it up, all I can think about is getting home and putting my p.j.'s on. I am the Queen of the Grass is Always Greener-land. Although if I was actually the Queen, I would rather be the Queen's minion.

Flying Solo

My friends are busy this weekend. Some are out of town, some are studying, and some are working. I am not working and not doing anything for once and I am quite glad. I've been really tired lately and I just can't get enough sleep. My big plan for this weekend is to watch movies and...clean my apartment. I know I have said it before, but I really mean it this time. I am heading out town the middle of next week and I don't want to come back to a disaster area. I need to do some major cleaning and throwing away stuff I don't need. My apartment is just not big enough for extra stuff. It is already crammed full of crap and I need to weed and make everything more organized. Maybe I will buy some sort of shelving or drawers to get everything together. Hmmm, I must think about this.

Fine, I'm nosy

I admit that I like to know what the people around me are doing. Not to an obsessive degree, but I do find the people who live around my apartment particularly curious. Tonight's topic is my downstairs neighbor.

I can't figure out what she does. From what I can tell she is not in school (i.e. no parking pass, school stickers, regular outings from her apartment, etc.) and has an extremely part-time job. Her boyfriend hangs out all the time and they watch t.v. incessantly. I like my apartment complex, but it is not the type of place the independently wealthy find themselves. I guess she could be a really poor heiress or just extremely lazy who's beyond all logic paying her bills. Don't worry, I really don't think about this all the time, but I do have such a strange schedule that I am at home at weird times of the day and she is usually here. In the same parking space. I have decided on three possible occupations:

exotic dancer
Jimmy Kimmel Show t.v. watcher
Homeless person that the apartment people don't know is living here

Dad's not the only one enjoying retirement...

I speak to my father very regularly. During the week, we usually talk everyday (weekends are something different). This week I have called the house and both my father and brother are taking naps after a busy day of errands. Brother dear is supposed to be looking for a job - Dad can nap all he wants, he earned it. I am just waiting to come home and finding the two of them puttering around in the back yard wearing matching velour track suits. This is not good, people, this is not good.

Orphans all around us

I have come to the disturbing conclusion that this world is populated by a large number of orphaned children. I have two primary examples to support my observation:

1. Badly behaved, parentless children in public places: The only reasonable explanation for these unattended children must be that they have lost their parents in some sort of tragic tennis accident. Clearly, it would be absolutely ridiculous for responsible adults to bring children to public places (for example, where I work or the mall) and let them run around and get into anything they want. I was at Williams-Sonoma and I observed two children using tongs to "straighten" their hair by running them through their sweaty locks like a flat iron. Another favorite is children paddling around in the whirlpool like it was a really hot above-ground pond.

2. The Real World: this show has been on for 38 seasons in approximately 14 years and the cast members have become increasingly slutty and seemingly devoid of any moral fiber or work ethic. The only thing that can explain this blatant display of unacceptable behavior is that their parents are dead and will not have to suffer the embarrassment of seeing their son or daughter hop into bed with strangers and engage in drunken fistfights on a regular basis. The best part is that they top off the incessant partying with probably the worst job performance recorded in modern history. It doesn't matter what job these people are assigned they manage to take their laziness to a new low each and every season and confirm the opinions that older people have about our generation.

Poll the audience: Weddings

I went to a shower Saturday night and I had a good time partly because it was not one of those "stuffy" teas or whatnot. I realize that I am not the most sentimental or girly person and I tend to think that a lot of the stuff that goes on with weddings is silly. Since my brother is getting married in less than a year, I will have to be an active participant in a much of this craziness. Apparently, some people like this stuff and I really want to know where people stand on weddings and the accompanying hoopla. From what I have already written you may have guessed that my idea of the perfect wedding is something akin to a keg party. I figure if I ever get married I'll have three showers: a pajama shower (everyone gets to wear p.j.'s and gives me whatever they want), a beer shower (super casual and everyone has to give me something related to the brew), and a NASCAR shower (everyone has to wear something that relates to NASCAR - excluding Jeff Gordon, Jimmie Johnson, the Busch brothers, Greg Biffle, Carl Edwards, etc. - and give me something related to Dale Jr.). My "dress" will probably be track pants and a t-shirt, all my bridesmaids will wear what they want. All of this is to be followed by a really big party and a honeymoon in Hawaii.

With that being said, what do you think about weddings?

She's gone too far this time

It's Teddy again. I know I haven't posted in a while and that is because I am really lazy in the summers and things have been fairly uneventful...until this past weekend.

I got a haircut

A home haircut

That bitch practically used a flowbee to cut my beautiful hair. It was not that I didn't need a cut and curl, but she could have loosened the purse strings and sprung for a f*ckin' pro. Let me set the scene for you:

It was a lovely Sunday afternoon where the scalding temperature of a mid-July day hit around 143 degrees. The humdity hovered around 99.9% and luckily I was placed in the middle of the sun on a rusty old patio table. It get's worse. They turn on this metal torture machine that kept making scary noises and they cut on my hair with no rhyme or reason. The shaver wasn't even for animals. It was for (gasp) HUMAN hair. They shaved me everywhere...yes, even there. I lost ten pounds during the ordeal and practically passed out from heat stroke. She's trying to kill me, people. She won't be happy until I have no hair, weigh three pounds and look like some homeless dog. She better sleep lightly. This will not go unpunished.

The Rules of Adjustment

Here's the thing: when guys adjust themselves in public, it's gross. I have really noticed this bad habit the past few years. You will be talking to someone and there they go reaching for their junk. Please, if you are so uncomfortable or weighted down with your cumbersome package, take yourself to the restroom or some other place of relative privacy and move things around. It causes me to lose my train of thought when I am carrying on a conversation and someone starts touching themselves inappropriately. You don't see me doing that and I shouldn't see guys doing that. They should add this to those Miller Lite "Man Laws."

I need some suggestions

My dad had his retirement party catered by several people (separate people for meat, sides, desserts) and I came across the most fabulous Greek dressing EVER. It is fantastic. Very tasty and I don't have adequate words to describe the deliciousness of this concoction. Well, I absconded with the dressing and took it 200 miles south because I knew that there was no one in my house who could properly enjoy the dressing. It has now been in my refrigerator for a day and I am not sure what to do with it. Sure, the obvious answer is to put it on salad and let that be, but it seems to simple. I feel like I could add it to pasta or potatoes or something like that. Maybe a marinade? There is a little over two cups, so the supply is limited and I don't want to waste it. I know I need to describe it better, so here goes: it has an extremely rich flavor, garlic, feta cheese, extra virgin olive oil, and some other mysterious yet yummy spices and other flavors. Suffice to say, it is unmatched. What would you do with it?

Observations about food and diet

Two things:

1. Recently, I have seen a Stouffer's commercial advertising their paninis. It shows a person biting into one with a lot of joy on their face while sitting on a couch during the middle of a party. I have had the Lean Cuisine Paninis and they are delicious, but that is beside the point. If I go to someone's house for a get together, no matter how casual, I expect my host or hostess to put a little more effort into the party food. I don't want a microwaveable sandwich. I want snacks, cheese, a little crudités, things with toothpicks stuck in them. Basically, I want party food and not a t.v. dinner.

2. The other thing that I discovered is reason #243 why "Katie will never be anorexic." I like it when other people make my food. Sandwiches (ironically enough) taste better when made by someone else. Eating out is usually way better than anything you can get at home. This goes against one of the hallmark rules of someone who is trying to starve themself. They want to prepare all of their food whereas I don't want to prepare ANY of it. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to settle for some other disorder.

A Quick Trip

I was in Nashville for a little over two days (around 49 hours to be exact) and I had a good visit, but it was good to get back home. If I have a busy weekend I always feel like I need another weekend to recover. This really wasn't the case with this weekend. I got alot of sleep and saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while. I also got a little waxing done, which was good 'cause I needed it. I was started to look like a cavewoman. It is truly God's joke that girls get staches. Tom Selleck Magnum P.I. staches. Ugh. Now, I look like a chick again.

He wants an ipod

My father wants an ipod. This is the same man that can go on a 10 hour car trip to Louisiana and never turn on the radio (with the exception of when Rush is on). The man that calls the remote control "that clicker thingy." The man that has no idea what to do if the t.v. accidentally gets switched to the video setting. He who threatened to shun all technology once he retired has now decided that his life would be enhanced by owning a digital music player. He will fill it up with 12 songs and listen to them over and over. Of course, he wants me to be the one who actually downloads i-tunes and puts the music on the "thingy-majig." Ah, to be so technically savvy. I am so not telling him about podcasts because before I know it the damn thing will be filled with the ramblings of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

Bring It!

I played tennis again tonight with my friend Sara and we were AWESOME. Okay, well maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but we weren't AWFUL. It was very humid and I know that I looked pretty attractive by the end of our hour of playing (tennis wears you out!). I am hoping to really improve my game and join the Tour (you know, for pros - duh). Sara really needs to observe my skills and try to play at my level, but we have to start somewhere, right? Hahaha.

The beauty of Tivo

With the aid of my favorite gadget, I am able to enjoy the best part of summer: Big Brother. I admit it is the epitome of trash t.v., but it keeps me entertained during the barren desert of summer television. A bunch of people living together, with the cameras on all the time, without the opportunity to escape? It may sound like television, but it is actually a brilliant vehicle for entertainment. Ahhh.

On another note, my father is throwing himself a retirement party and I have told him that I will be unable to attend due to my work schedule. He has sounded quite disappointed that I won't be able to come to the party. Fortunately for me, I don't actually have to work and I am coming in for the weekend and surprising him. I know, I know, I have already seen him, but this is something that is important to him and there will be a lot of people that I know and love at this little shindig so I am more than happy to attend. Daddy G is about to get a surprise.

Maybe they're Amish

So, I have some new neighbors (I think a new married couple) and I have noticed some weird things about them. First, they moved all their stuff in several months ago and most of it has remained in boxes. The reason I know this is that they have left the windows open on several occasions. During the middle of the day. In Alabama. In the summer. What are they trying to do? Air-condition the entire neighborhood? One of them has an inflammatory anti-abortion bumper sticker on a beat up car. Finally, after seeing the apartment at night during one of my walks with Teddy I realized what else was wrong with them. They have NO TELEVISION. Not a one. What do they do with their time? They must really be in love or just plain crazy. It makes absolutely NO SENSE to me. All of this technology and goodness surrounds them and they have shunned it. Sometimes they just leave the front door and back door open and turn off all the lights. Ugh. Weirdos. They might at well live in a tent.

Daddy has left the building...

He headed out this morning, but not before getting me out of bed (or should I say, couch) a full 25 minutes BEFORE I usually get up. Arrgh. Although I'm not much of a morning person, I manage to become a civil person by the time I have to be anywhere in public. Unfortunately, he kept bothering me to "get up" or "up and at 'em" which just infuriated me. As I stubbornly remained on my couch trying to get some more sleep, it occurred to me that we are extremely different people. He pops up out of bed at the crack ass of dawn and I drag myself from my blackout-curtained room. He wants to go for a "brisk" walk and I am lucky to bathe myself. He feels like you are "wastin' daylight" by remaining in bed and I feel like you are wasting your God-given right to remain in bed as long as possible. Oh well, it was still a good visit. We visited with several of my friends, had some nice meals and generally hung out together. We also avoided discussing politics, which is good because we very different feelings about a lot of things and nothing productive comes from our bickering.

The Greatest

No, not Muhammed Ali. Elvis. I know, I know, I have discussed him ad naseum, but he was the greatest Rock n' Roll artist EVER. Disagree with me, that's fine. During my half-hearted attempt to clean my apartment, I decided to clean out a drawer and found a burned cd. I wasn't sure what it was until I popped it into my computer and The King started singing to me. It just reinforced his talent and how much I love his music. They just don't make 'em like that anymore. And, just so you know, not even John Travolta has staged a comeback like the '68 special. He was on fire and hotter than ever. Amen.

Personal stats:
Favorite portrayal of Elvis: Elvis and Me - the t.v. miniseries
Favorite Song(s): Suspicious Minds, Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Favorite outfit: the comeback special leather suit (seen to your left)
Favorite Aspect of Elvis: his generosity towards strangers
Least Favorite Aspect of Elvis: that he is no longer with us

Bye-bye, Goodbye

Have you ever noticed on television shows that the characters rarely say "bye" on the phone? Jenny always noted that 7th Heaven was one of the worst examples of this phenomenon. They have all of these dramatic conversations and then just hang up the phone. Every one of the characters does this and it drives me crazy. Well, imagine my dismay when it has come to my attention that this is not just something that happens on t.v. I have noticed that I have been on the phone with several people in the past few weeks and they haven't said "goodbye" or some variation of the word. I know it really means nothing, but the call ends so abruptly and it kind of hurts my feelings. My hurt feelings don't last more than a couple of minutes, but it just seems like common curtesy. Shall we bring the goodbye back?

I'm Lost

What day is it? I am so confused. It was Monday, then it felt like the weekend again and now it's almost Thursday? What the hell?! Listen, I'm not complaining, but I am still confused. The other thing that is adding to my sense of vertigo is that Daddy G. is visiting this weekend and I am supposed to clean my apartment for him. Heh. We see how well that worked last time. I got to the den, part of the kitchen and the bathroom. That's all I had in me and that is probably all I have in me this time. If that. Oh well, the weekend is almost here!

The Pokey

Jenny and I were having a discussion the other night about prison. We were speculating as to how either one of us would do if we were in The Big House. Not to worry, anyone, I have no intentions of going to prison and I am not wanted for anything currently (I hope), but I do wonder how I would do in that situation. I'm pretty sure that I would cry like a little girl and end up someone's bitch by the end of my first fifteen minutes or stabbed with a sharpened spoon. It all comes back to my "First Waver" theory (found in my August 11th post in the archives) and the fact that I am not a survivor. Plus, I would not want to be live in prison. I would wish for death, hold my breath forever, drown myself in my tin cup of water, or something like that. How do you think you would do in prison?

I'm "that" girl

By "that" girl, I mean the one that guys come to for advice about other girls and general problems they are having. As I haven't actually been in a relationship since I can't remember when, it is often perplexing to me that they want my opinions. I find that several of my friends and/or aquaintances come to me for advice and that makes me feel good that they value my opinion, but it seems that guys have always seen me as a buddy and I want to find someone of my own - not really set people up with other people and be by myself. Hmmmm, I finally told one of these guys that he had to fix me up with someone. It's my turn...maybe...I guess...perhaps. Well, maybe not yet. Hell, I don't know.

Last one, people...

The finale to our theme week is....:

If you could ask God one question, what would it be?

I would ask God why do bad things happen to good people? I understand that a lot of challenges and problems result in a deeper understanding of life and often make a person better for it. On the other hand, there are lots of things that happen that are unexplainable and seem so pointless. I just want to understand exactly why these things happen. Why children have to die, why old people have to be swindled, why people randomly murder other people, why, why, why?

What about you?

Five People

The fourth question for our theme week is:

When you get to heaven (hopefully) who are the five people you want to meet or see?

1. My mom
2. Teddy Roosevelt (I think he would be interesting to meet and discuss his thoughts about the United States)
3. Fred (my cat who died two and half years ago)
4. Elvis
5. Truman Capote (he seems like he would have been a really fun person early in his career)

That's my five. Who's on your list?

Question Three

Okay, so here's the next question:

How would you like to die?

I would like to go in my sleep. I don't want to suffer or live to be 1,000 years old. A respectable number, like 75 is good. I have not lived the kind of life that gets someone to their 90s. Unless, I am one of those kind of people that "drank a quart of whiskey a day and ate bacon for all three meals - in addition to snacks, of course." Nope, I would like to go when I settle in for a nap after having a few beers and watching a NASCAR race where Dale Jr's great-grandson just won the race. Perfection.

Heaven?

Thanks for everyone participating in yesterday's question. Today's question is:

Do you believe in heaven (or some sort of an afterlife)? If so, what do you think it will be like?

I believe in heaven. I always have in the abstract, but after my mother passed away it became a more cemented belief. Honestly, I have to believe in it. It comforts me to think of her looking down on me (sometimes; other times I'm a little embarrassed). Back in Catholic school, the nuns used to say that heaven was whatever you wanted it to be and I guess I still believe that (they also mentioned a lot about hell, but I digress). I think all the people you want to be in your life will be there (even pets) and that everyone is happy. I hope you can watch after the people you left behind, I think it would be the ultimate soap opera. Plus, I hope that after you die you find out all the things people don't know on earth, such as: who killed Kennedy? Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Where's Natalee Holloway? And lots of other historical things that I don't have time to mention.

Death

This is not supposed to be a depressing theme, but I decided to base questions on before or after you die (many, many, many years from now). And today's question is....:

What is the one place you want to visit before you die?

I am a big ole' redneck in many ways and this is one of them. I want to visit Hawaii before I die. Maybe it was the Brady Bunch taking their big vacation to the big island. I like the fact that the weather is awesome (when a volcano is not erupting) and not too hot. The men are hot and there are resorts and beaches everywhere. I also loved watching the Hawaiian landscape on Magnum P.I. and other television shows (in addition to TBB). Well, that's my place where's yours?

Theme Week: Part II

I have decided that we are going to have a theme week starting Sunday night. I'm not sure what the theme will be, but I think it will be fun. If anyone has suggestions, let me know and I might incorporate your idea. I hope everyone has a fun weekend planned. I am going out with several friends to celebrate my new job, someone purchasing a first home, and a birthday! Sure to be good times. See ya'll next week.

T.C.B.

Ahhh, the eternal phrase of The King (Elvis, who else?): Taking Care of Business. With things looking up on the professional end it has inspired me to meet things a little more head on and try to get some bills and other loose ends taken care of. Today, I called an online credit score agency and told them I wanted to end my membership and I SWEAR this woman (who I doubt was actually residing in the U.S.) would not end my membership. I said at least five times that I wanted her to end my commitment to the company (at $9.95 month) and she just wouldn't do it. I am about to hop on the phone again and try to lay down the law. It was a bit frustrating because I believe that there was a language barrier and the usual telemarketing B.S. Either way, these people have got to let me go. BTW, I found out that if you call 1-888-5-OPTOUT you will no longer receive those damn credit card offers in the mail. I went ahead and had my name taken off the lists that companies use to send out their annoying mail. Start dialing.

Details, details, details...

Here are the facts about the new job:

I will be in a public library about 10 miles from where I live right now. It is in a neighboring county and conveniently located so that I won't have to move and can look toward owning my own place in a few years. I will start the job after Labor Day - I know it's a little while away, but it makes going to my current job a lot easier and will give me some time to prepare. My title is Young Adult Coordinator and this means that I will be managing the department and ordering the materials (umm, hello? Dream come true - buying books with other people's money). I will also go to local schools and talk up the programs that I will help to develop. I will probably work all over the library and meet people of all ages, but YA will be my main focus. This is the kind of job I wanted and I really love YA literature so I think this is a great fit for me. This is the first genuinely good news I have received in a really long time and I can't quite convey my excitement and relief. Ahhhhh.

Just so you know...

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!

Deconstructing 90210

With my summer t.v. schedule being a little weird, I have started recording Beverly Hills, 90210. It appears daily on the Soap Network and three times in the morning on Saturdays. The episodes that are currently appearing during the week are around the time that Dylan and Brenda break-up for the second time and the truth about his affair with Kelly (while Brenda was in Paris) is about to come out. The weekend episodes are during the time that Kelly finds herself addicted to cocaine and Donna is dating some football with a bad heart. I'm not really sure which time period is my favorite, but I am certainly enjoying this blast from the past. As I was vegging on my couch this weekend and watching my three episodes it occurred to me how unintentionally funny this show was. I mean Brandon's parents leave for Japan and GIVE him the house. Heh. I come from the type of family that has one house and when they're done with that one they SELL it to buy the next one. Fabulous beach front condo in L.A. where three unemployed twentysomething's whoop it up? Suuuuuurrrreeee. Over the course of 9.5 years "the gang" experienced arson, drug abuse, rape, more drug abuse, divorce, unplanned pregnancy, a hit and run accident, impossibly old actors playing 12 year olds, and so on.

Just ask

That is the phrase my father would always say to me when I wanted to know something or was confused about things. I have this to be true when referring to your bills and the companies you deal with. They want your business. They will try to keep you from leaving and will work with you to make you happy or at least happier. I called the cable company today and got a $30 reduction in my bill without really losing any of my services. I am quite proud of myself and I think I will apply this new attitude to other areas of my life. I encourage you to call a company you do business with and get them to cut you a deal. What's the worst they can say? No? It's not the first or last time you will hear that in your life.

The BEST Parking Space

I work at an establishment that promotes good health and exercise and I have never seen people stalk the parking lot in a more determined manner. Our parking lot is not large by any means. It is probably a little over half the size of a grocery store lot and you would think that the majority of people that come to burn calories couldn't walk more than 10 feet from their space to the door. They creep up and down the aisles until they eye THE best parking space. They proceed to come inside and hop on a machine for 3 hours or take a spin class that encourages people to practically strap the bike on their back and haul it up Mount Kilimanjaro. The other thing that drives me crazy is the person that reserves an extra 30 minutes to BACK INTO a parking space. If I didn't know better, I would assume these people were preparing for a quick getaway and needed their car to be facing out to cut down on the wasted time of reversing like the rest of the American population.

I'm Lonely....(wah, wah, wahhhh -Debbie Downer theme)

My dad's in Europe, Jenny's in Europe, and my other friend Jenny is gone in Mobile for the rest of the week. I'm working and so is everyone else. I wish people could plan their trips to stagger a bit more. This is just getting ridiculous. I want to call and bitch to my dad about life and he is off living the high life in England while I am wasting away (metaphorically, of course) here in 'bama. Same goes for Jenny and the other Jenny. All by myself...don't wanna be all by myself...anymore...(Bridget Jones did it best).

I think I broke a hip

I just finished playing tennis tonight and had a great time. Unfortunately, I feel like I am 200 years old and need a full joint replacement. Although I said that I "played" tennis I use that term loosely. It was more like being a ball boy with a racquet. We spent more time chasing balls than actually hitting them back and forth. It was only as humid as one imagines being trapped inside of Old Faithful would feel like (sans the scalding steam). At one point I almost did a face plant on the court and hit myself in the jaw with the racquet. As the stars were spinning around my head and I was trying to assess whether I had broken any bones. Thankfully, the only thing bruised was my ego and I got up and played for another hour. I am absolutely stunned by my coordination and natural talent for sports. I really missed my calling as a professional athlete.

Shall I repeat that?

I believe that I have posted about this before, but it bears repeating. People don't listen. They can be standing directly in front of you and nodding their heads and looking interested and have no idea what you are talking about. Everyone is guilty of it, but some people are really bad. I make A LOT of appointments everyday and the number of people who don't listen to me is frustrating and almost comical. My personal favorite is when I say something like "you can either have a lesson at 4 or 6" and the person on the line will respond with "what about 5?." I will say something like "no, I'm sorry, it's either 4 or 6" and they'll say something like "okay, well how about 3?" Another favorite is the 'ask a question and start talking to someone else' move. You try to answer them and they proceed to talk over you to someone else and then get exasperated when you don't tell them what they want exactly when they want it. Ugh. People.

Music

I love all sorts of music. Oldies, metal, punk, rap, pop, some country, classical, etc. The one thing that has ocurred to me over the years is that my generation has some great music, but I don't think it is going to age well. Take music from the 50s and 60s, this is good stuff for aging. You can play it and enjoy it for the nostalgia or for the romance, but our music does not really have this. I love Eminem, but he isn't something that is going to be very cool to be tooling down the road in our 40s and 50s. Ludacris? Sean Paul? Hilary Duff? Rancid? Kelly Clarkson? I could go on and on. Is it just me, or do you find it hard to imagine people looking back on our music as a golden age?

Summer Slump

Recently, every night when I get home from work and check out the offerings that Tivo has it occurs to me that I need to find some new "go to" shows in the slow summer months. There are several strong contenders, but I believe that I have found several worthy programs that are sure to lower my I.Q. points and make me a more shallow person. And the winners are (drum roll please):

My Fair Brady
Hogan Knows Best
The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
The Simple Life: 'Til Death Do Us Part

Take a moment to process these fine, intellectual shows and realize the bankruptcy of American television culture. Why do I like these shows? Well, they're not reruns and have their own special qualities...for example:

I enjoy watching the sheer futility of Peter Brady and Model-Girl try to make a marriage out of a totally dysfunctional relationship. Plus, they're into leather. Hulk Hogan wears a fanny pack. All the time. His children are not all that talented, but think they are. They all have the same color hair. As for the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, I like this show because she is ridiculous and looks like some sort of blow-up doll (with the creepy lips). Kathy Griffin is genuinely funny and is honest about her struggle to remain on the fringe of celebrity. She lowers herself and admits it. She even admitted she would do a snuff film if they met her quote (she did note that it could only be one time). I can't explain the Paris and Nicole thing, I just like watching this really bad show.

Bed and Covers Hog

I don't know how he manages it, but every night Teddy is either hogging the bed or the covers. I have not slept in a bed with a real live human in so long that any memory of how it is to actually be in competition for space is a distant (and lost) memory. I don't think I will ever be able to have any overnight guests with Teddy around anyways. Technically I have a queen size bed, but with his maneuvering it is like being perched on something akin to a twin. He manages to lie on the covers in such a way that I wake up shivering in the middle of the night and the "little prince" is snug as bug (maybe even a little too warm). I find myself clinging to the very edge of the bed as he stretches out diagonally. If I try to move him he goes limp like a protester and growls (he hates to be disturbed during his beauty rest). He only weighs about twenty pounds and is probably about 1.5 ft long, but I swear he takes up the same amount of space as a Great Dane. Hell, I'm probably going to be forced to move to the couch to get some peace. Of course, he wakes up refreshed and eager for his morning constitutional while I drag myself from bed looking like the swamp thing. I fear for my neighbors eyesight when I emerge from my lair into the glare of early morning sunlight.

I'm going to quit talking about employment

I keep jinxing myself. I am not saying a word until I know something for sure, because I just can't stand the disappointment. I will try to post something interesting in the next couple of days, but I just don't have it in me today.

The enemy you know

Here's the thing: my enemy is the scale. It has been for as long as I can remember. For the past year and half it has consumed me. It compounds everything everything else that goes wrong in my life. I berate myself for my failure to control my eating and weight. All of this has brought me to tonight, June 4th, 2006. I got on the scale and saw a number that I have never seen before and am determined to never see again. It almost took my breath away when I saw it. It is a culmination of my unconscious living for so many months. I guess what I am getting at is that I am finally awake. I have disrespected myself far more than anyone else ever could.

It stops today.

Anticipation

I love looking forward to things. I am the queen of delayed gratification. If I can put off something good I will do it. Jenny is pretty much the opposite which works out really well. This usually means that the two of us can be waiting for something and she always go first and I'll go second. Just like I like it. This is why when I am following Weight Watchers I will save up most of my points and eat the majority of them at night. Flex points? I save them for the end of the week. You would think with all of this saving I would be better with money, but I just can't make this quality translate into all areas of my life. In few hours I am going to head to the grocery store and shop for points friendly foods. I am at the end of my rope with the weight thing and if I'm not careful I will soon be wearing one of those "forceflex" trash bags (you know, the kind where they show it fitting around a house or something of comparable size). So here's to me and to anyone else trying to accomplish something for the summer.

The weekend is already here

It seems weird to me that it is already Friday. I didn't get back to work until Wednesday so it has totally thrown me off for the rest of the week. Now, it is Friday and it feels like the middle of the week. I have to work tomorrow, so that will also make me more confused. Other than that, I really don't have anything else to talk about today. Oh, on my way home from Nashville I saw a gas station sign that advertised "dazzling restrooms." I found this to be quite interesting. I mean, I'll take "clean" but "dazzling" makes you wonder just what is in these fantastic bathrooms. Some sort of spa retreat in the Chevron? I guess I should have stopped to investigate.

Are you new around here?

This is what I feel like saying to people that I see at work or just around town. It just seems like some people have just arrived on earth and have never seen how ANYTHING works. Examples?

My personal favorite is when people come to where I work and scan their cards to check in. Inevitably there are several people that put it under the scanner with the bar code facing AWAY from the scanner light. ugh. Have you ever been to a grocery store? Practically every consumer product has a scan bar and these people act like they are totally unfamiliar with our extremely high-tech, complex, self check-in system. Sometimes I just yank their keys out of their hands and scan it myself or politely inform them to flip the card over or let them know that our system does not recognize their library card or grocery store card. Go figure.

A glimmer of hope?

Things seem to be looking up in the job department. I had some encouraging developments which I will elaborate on at a later date, but suffice to say that my confidence has been boosted. Could this be the summer that I start turning things around? I hope so. I'm glad it's summer. There is just something about this time of year that seems more dreammy (for lack of a better word) than any other time. It is a lazier time of year because it is so f'in hot - at least for those of us in the South. I like to think about my summers when I was a kid and some of my favorite memories were when I would just have the whole day to myself to play with friends, swim at the pool, and be worry free. Ahhh, to be a kid again.

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth

I headed to Nashville this past Memorial Day weekend and visited with friends and family. Things went okay. I was expecting to enjoy more of a relaxing time, but that was pretty much ruined the first night when I got some "helpful" advice from my brother. One thing that is important to know about me is that when people tell me to stop doing something it just makes me want to do it more (sure that is the kindergarten response, but it's the truth). That just set the tone for the rest of the weekend, but there were some highlights. We had a very nice Memorial Day cookout and I got to spend some quality time with several of my friends and my adorable goddaughter, Isabella (she still thinks I'm great-which I think is great). All in all, I am glad to be home and shall be blogging away for the summer.

And the letter for today is "D"

I was tagged in a letter game by Cat (see link to right) and I have to name ten things that begin with the letter "D" and provide a brief definition. Here goes:
1. Dale Earnhardt, Jr: (see hot picture) talented and comely NASCAR driver. He is "my" driver in the series and I will some day be his wife. Former Busch Series champion, future Nextel Cup Series Champion. Son of the later great Dale Earnhardt. He has various nicknames, the most popular being "Little E" or just "Junior." Feel free to use either and pretend you are in the know.
2. Dale Earnhardt: (see picture above) highly competitive NASCAR driver who is considered one of the "greats" and was known as "The Intimidator" for his no holds barred driving style on the track. Father of four children including Dale, Jr. Died tragically on the last lap of the Daytona 500 in 2001 and he has since been elevated to something close a mythical figure since his passing.
3. 'Dega (as in Talladega - so, I cheated): Nickname for the Talladega Super Speedway, the longest track on the NASCAR circuit. Located just an hour and a half Northeast of Birmingham, it is one of the most exciting and dangerous tracks. Currently, I have been to six races at this particular track and look forward to many more. Races are typically held on the last weekend of April and the second weekend of October.
4. Daddy: my dad is a hard working, caring guy who is ultra-conservative and loves to push my political buttons. He has been employed by the same company for the past 32 years and will be retiring in a matter of months. Interests - LSU football, movies, diet coke, his kids, yelling at the computer, yelling at Democrats, his dog.
5. Donuts: mmmm-mmmm Krispy Kreme. The best donuts of all. These little round breakfast (or all day) foods are delightful and eventually cardiac arrest inducing. They can come in all sorts of fantastic flavors and with different kind of yummy toppings. Best when served fresh and hot (luckily, KK has a sign that flashes when this happens)>
6. Dogs: particularly Teddy. The best dog in the entire world, although he is spoiled beyond belief. Tricks: only knows how to sit occasionally and react insanely to the word "treat" or "outside." He brings lots of joy to my life and has been known to cheer me up on a regular basis. He is a handsome fellow that knows it. Just the kind of guy you would hate to date, but a great quality in a pet.
7. Diana Palmer: author of over 100 romance novels and I have read probably about 95% of them. Despite the fact that her books are hokey and stereotypical I just can't seem to resist reading them. Next book release, July 2006 (and yes, I will own it soon after).
8. Dodgeball: An awfully violent childhood game and a hilarious movie starring Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller. If you haven't seen this movie you need to go out and buy it and proceed to laugh your a** off.
9. Davy Jones: (see picture above) lead singer of the original boy band The Monkees. He set teenage hearts a pitter-pattering during the early 70s. Marsha on The Brady Bunch even arrange for him to perform at one of her school dances. He has since pimped himself out to promote greatest hits collections from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. He is approximately 4'9" and could fit in my pocket. He also rocked a mighty fine bowl-cut.
10. Drinking/Drunk: One of my favorite ways to pass the time. I enjoy a cold brew (preferably Bud Light) and can go for a gin and tonic now and then (double lime - please). Drunk is a way I have been many a time and have done some very memorable things while in this state. So proud.

Irrationally hurt feelings: Rectified

I got a call from my dad today and he said that his company is flying him down to the national meeting for some retirement parties and a mini vacation. His boss asked if he wanted to take anyone and he is taking me! Yippee! I get to go to the beach in August. Sure it will be hot as _____ (fill in the blank), but I am still excited. This is way better than a couple of festivities up in Nashville (athough it would have been nice to attend). Ahhh, sunning myself and being catered to on the beach. Somebody is about to get serious about Weight Watchers. Tubby ain't going to the beach.

Tivo is Psychic!

Apparently my Tivo knows me well and realized that I might need a Monday evening pick-me-up. I came home to find a Tivo Suggested (for those not in the know, it is something that Tivo records on its own) program waiting for me after I got home from work. There it was: Taradise. This wonderful show is so bad it's good. I know it has been cancelled, but it is still a nice treat. Ms. Reid covorts around certain hedonistic areas of Europe in strange, transparent, ultra mini (I mean up the a**) get-ups. She is perpetually drunk and raspy voiced throughout the episodes and it makes you realize that no matter where you are in life, it's got to be a little more meaningful than her jaunts across The Continent.

It was never broken

Teddy here again. I thought I would take on a subject that is often taboo in the pet world and needs to be out in the open: Spaying and Neutering.

I was once a whole man. Up until the 6th month of my life, I humped what I wanted and thought nothing of it. Then came that cold November day when I was changed forever. She (Katie) told her friends I was being "fixed." Fixed?! Excuse me? I will have you know that there was nothing wrong with me to begin with. Saying that I was being fixed was misleading and inaccurate. For the week before "the incident" I kept hearing her use the term and I figured she was bringing me in for some minor corrective plastic surgery. I have always found myself disarmingly handsome, but nobody's perfect so I was game. Little did I know that after I came out of the anestesia I would be missing two of my most favorite things. Later I found out that the Teddy G. line would not be extended. I would have no heirs to inherit my stuffed animal and chew toy collection. I've never been able to look at Katie the same since she came to pick me up and I am currently working on forgiving her with my therapist. We'll see. I'm not a miracle worker.

It happens

Filed under my ever increasing heading of "move on, already!" is the Britney Spears "stumble." You would think that she had some sort of baby sacrificing ritual broadcast on cable. She stumbled, she held onto the kid, end of story. Sure, she could have worn a little less white-trashy outfit or higher pants to prevent the showing of her booty. Otherwise, this is just ridiculous. I think most people have a story about when they were babies and something dangerous happened or a close call. I am no Britney apologist, but give the girl a break (she's already suffering as the wife of a man that seriously uses words such as "Yo" and "Off 'da hook" when referring to his own talent).

Something to entertain you over the weekend

Thanks to my friend Sean, I have discovered the amusement of The Dormitory Boys. They're these two chinese guys that lip synch. Now, I know that the concept seems a bit obscure or boring, but give the link below a look.

http://www.twochineseboys.blogspot.com/

I am going to add them to my links on the right, but 'til then, enjoy.

Checkin' in before the weekend

It's Friday and I am excited for the weekend! I don't really have much going on this weekend, but I am sure something will come up. Unfortunately, I have to work late tomorrow night and I will not be able attend a really fun party I was invited to. Oh well. I am hoping to have a fun Saturday, but I will let ya'll know (it is the NASCAR All-Star race - vote Kyle Petty!). Okay, enough about my weekend.

P.S. I changed my profile description. It just seemed to fit.

For the love of all that is holy

Do not waste your time watching An American Haunting. Fine, many of you may have seen the previews and made that decision for yourself, but I am from Tennessee and The Bell Witch was a big deal when I was growing up. All the elements were present to make this movie good: Oscar award winning actors (Sissy Spacek, Donald Sutherland), creepy music, liquor (I had two large beers from Outback before attending the show), and a semi-hot guy. Unfortunately, this coalesced into a cheesy movie with a repetitive "scary" sequence and a creepy (in a Michael Jackson way) plot twist. The one good thing was the movie lasted approximately 14 minutes and I was able to return home almost before I realized that the movie was quite awfully bad.

Irrationally hurt feelings

My dad's colleagues threw a surprise retirement party for my dad tonight. They are also planning some activities for tomorrow as well. It was also a surprise to my brother and I. I can't go home due to my work schedule and the incredibly short notice (I happened to call during the party tonight and found out then). I wish I was there and I am kind of mad that some of the people planning the party didn't let me or my brother know. I would have tried to get off from work and participate in the festivities and the celebration of my dad's hard work. The other thing that hurts is that my brother and his fiance are there and I'm not. I guess I feel like they don't really miss me or need me. It's a pretty crappy feeling when you don't even feel like you are a part of your own family. This is not the first time I have felt like this, but it is the first time it has hurt my feelings this much.

Library Parties

So, I mentioned that I would detail the events of the library party from Saturday night and that is what this post is about. First, you need to read Wendy's post about the party - click to your right on "Wendy's blog" and read her take on it. Okay, ready?

I was a little reluctant to attend this function partially because it was a graduation party (I graduated four months ago in December) and partially because I don't usually hang out with the library crowd (no dis, just the truth). Wendy and I got there and the party was not "rockin'" per se, but it had a bit of potential. Some of the music was good and some of it was...interesting. As Wendy mentioned, some of the invitees were not the first people I would have invited to a soiree. I had approximately a cracker to eat and six beers in quick sucession. I was a bit plowed. Dancing ensued. Lip-synching followed. To "Proud Mary" by Ike and Tina. I was Tina. Wendy was one of the background dancers along with another library graduate. People, aside from the "backup dancers" I was alone. It was a good moment, a proud moment. Very dignified. Certainly befitting a double Master's graduate. Library folk ain't so bad afterall. They didn't call the police on my drunk ass.

I'm awaiting a letter from the University of Alabama confiscating my degrees.

I'm a little too stoked about

Grey's Anatomy tonight. Two whole hours (well, an hour and a half not counting commercials) and hopefully everyone I really love on the show will still be around for next season. I don't really have much to discuss right now aside from the library school party I went to on Saturday night, but that is going to require some serious computer time to properly set the scene. I am not watching Grey's until after it's over b/c I am working a double right now. I have to head back to the front desk so my computer time is at an end for tonight. Catch ya'll tomorrow.

Sad news

I found out that one of my friends from childhood lost her husband in Iraq this past week. He leaves behind a loving wife and young daughter, not to mention the rest of his friends and family. This war has seemed so distant for me and this just brings everything into sharp perspective. I may not agree with the reasons that this country became involved in this war or why it continues to be involved, but I wholeheartedly support our soldiers. They are doing a job that most of us would not ever want to do and they have my utmost respect for that. I am extending a thank you to anyone who has ever served in a war, in particular this one, and I believe that everyone should too.

The most dangerous place to work

Place: The County General Emergency Room
Location: Chicago, IL

As I watch the 84th season of e.r. it occurs to me (not for the first time) that this place of employment is an awfully hard place to work. Often times, tragic, freak accidents have struck down the doctors and nurses of this ER and I think it is time for someone to note that maybe this hospital should be shut down as a measure to reduce such atrocities. During all of these seasons people seem to succumb to something or another during November, February, and May (coincidentally this is also when t.v. sweeps take place, but I digress). Here is a brief compilation of the awful things at County General:

Death by natural causes: Dr. Mark Greene
Death by murder: Lucy (stabbed in the heart by some schizo),
Death by BIZARRE accident: the mean red-headed doctor who was crushed by a HELICOPTER that fell ON HIM at the front door of the e.r. (ironically enough, it was only months before that his arm was severed by the blade of a helicopter)
Death by sad events: suicide of Dr. Benton's surgical intern, Dr. Gallant in Iraq (last night)

Other weird stuff at the e.r.:
gunfire, explosion of a plane, blackout, quarantine, overdose, carjacking, drive by shooting, racial profiling, domestic abuse, alcoholism, genocide (the episodes in Africa). Note that all of this includes the employees, I am not including the patients who visit this cursed hospital.

Also disturbing? The incidence of UNPLANNED pregnancy in these doctors and nurses: Dr. Greene and the British one; Abby and Luka; Dr. Lewis and the red-headed EMT; Benton and the crazy lady; Carter and the chick from Africa. If these people can't figure out how to use a condom then they shouldn't be treating humans for complex medical problems.

Move on, already!

I'm no big fan of Ashlee Simpson, but I wish people would quit going on and on about her "nose job." So what? She had the bump shaved off. They act like she came back with a nose resembling Michael Jackson's. It could be a lot worse. Remember when Tara Reid had her boobs done and then denied it? Now that is a big difference.<-----

A Day in the Life

It's me again. Teddy, the cooler counterpart to Katie (I like to call her The Taskmaster). I thought I would fill you in on a typical day in my life (basically, all the things Katie doesn't know about and would have a sh*t fit if she knew):

Around 6:30 am I abruptly wake up and have to pee. Immediately. Sometimes I don't, but I sure do like waking Ms. Lazy Bones up from the last ten minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off. She usually tries to distract me, but I just jump off the bed and jump back on a stand right over her head and whine until she gets up. It's great. She's like a disgruntled puppet. After I do my business, we head back inside and I sit on the couch and spy on all the people and dogs that walk around while she takes a shower. Once I have barked and growled and properly guarded my territory it is usually time for what I term "the act." This is where I whine and pretend to be really upset about her going off to work. Something along the lines of (if I chose to speak) "Oh, no, please don't go! My life is over when you leave the confines of this apartment. Why? Why me? Will the misery never stop? Yada, yada, yada..." This ensures that she feels extremely guilty going off to her job. Ha. My work is done. Once she is out the door, I run to the bedroom window and make sure she is really leaving. After she leaves (for sure, sometimes that bitch tricks me and comes back in to get something she "forgot" - right) I run around the living room searching for any food she may have left out. If that turns up nothing, I watch my shows. This typically includes the Golden Girls and Will & Grace because she has the t.v. on Lifetime and I can't change it because of tivo. That Sophia! She is a real pistol! After this I settle in for my mid-morning nap which can run into my early afternoon nap. This is when the real fun part begins, but since this post is going a bit long, I will continue this at a later time...

Think about this

Okay, everyone has heard that you have to be careful who you are intimate with because it is like you are having sex with them and all of the people that they have been with before. Keeping this in mind, Hollywood is literally a clusterf*ck.

According to this idea many unlikely people have had sex by association. For example:

Lindsay Lohan and Mandy Moore via Wilmer Valderama
Andy Roddick and Wilmer Valderama via Mandy Moore
Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie via Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt and Vince Vaugh via Jennifer Aniston
Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline via Britney
Tommy Lee and Kid Rock via Pamela Anderson
Tara Reid and Jennifer Love Hewitt via Carson Daly
Paris Hilton and all of Los Angeles

Points for anyone else who can come up with great couples

Holding the line

I have been inspired by Sarah M. to be open on this blog about a particular aspect of my life. For the past seven months I have been on anti-depressants. Part of this was brought on by the accident, but I was already unhappy before and the accident just brought a lot of it to a head. Some of this might date back to when my mom passed away. I think that my experience with it was pretty traumatic and I was more focused on "how" it happened as opposed to being sad about the fact that she was no longer in my life. School, graduation, my dead end job, and weight gain all led me to the extremely unhappy state I was in several months ago. Now, the meds are holding the line on my depression. I'm not happy, but I am not in that dark place I was before. I have a lot of faith that things will get better and that is what keeps me going to work and accomplishing the things that are expected of me. I have a true desire to be happy and I believe that I will be again. Maybe that's too honest, but I am not ashamed that I had to seek help outside of myself for this and Tom Cruise can kiss my a**. And I mean that in the most respectful way.

What is wrong with David Blaine?

After 30 minutes in the bathtub I feel gross about my wrinkly hands. He sat in a big goldfish bowl for 176 hours. Ick. If you watched it then you should have noticed the grime that coated that nasty bowl. When he hopped out of his water bowl he was wiped off with white towels that will NEVER be clean again. Then, to top off his breath holding stunt, he cried like a little girl. You know, the "ugly cry" (John Travolta is really good at this emasculating cry). He also relieved himself via a tube. Dignity? As the Violent Femmes once said: gone, daddy, gone...

Some shows should know better

For those of you that watch Grey's Anatomy and are southerners or met people from the south should have been extremely offended by the portrayal of the "hicks" on tonight's episode. If I heard one more "Daaaaaadeeeee" and "Maaaaawmaaaw" from the lips of the "hick" daughter I was going to scream. I must mention that one of my favorite actors was a guest star (the guy that hit the "hick" family) on the episode: John Cho (Harold from Harold and Kumar go to White Castle). Aside from that, the episode gets a thumbs down for stereotypical portrayals.

Movie List

I need suggestions. One of my friends has been seriously movie deprived over the past few years due to various reasons. She likes movies, but her crazy work schedule has made it difficult to watch movies with any kind of consistency. We had a conversation about this not too long ago and I will explain how bad the problem is:

The last movie she saw in the theater was Mystic River
She really enjoyed Chicago (that's the only other recent movie she could remember seeing)

That's it, people. That is all she could give me when I asked what the latest movie she saw. Apparently 2003 was a big year for her. This is what I want from ya'll: give me at least three movie suggestions that you think someone would like. She's pretty girly and a crier, so chick flicks are good and she also has taste so Oscar noms. are good. Anything. My first picks are coming directly from my personal collection:

Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
Under the Tuscan Sun
Gidget (all of them)

I'm compiling a summer "reading" list of sorts for her so I will include all suggestions.

My Freezer

Is the most honest thing about me. If you really want to get to know me, check out my freezer. My idealized life is in direct conflict with my "real" one. I have nothing to speak of in the refrigerator, but the sub-zero cave above it is another story.

The idealized part:
lean cuisines of all types
all fruit bars with less than 90 calories
frozen veggies
healthy soup I made months ago
single serving chicken breasts

The "real" part:
ice cream (four different kinds - some light, some not - various sizes)
mini-hamburgers - they're gross, but still...
quiche
five frozen mugs (for the brew)
fat-filled chicken pot pie

Guess which items are older and have witnessed the comings and goings of other foods...

I knew the moment I woke up

I never should have gotten out of bed. The alarm went off and I felt like I hadn't gotten any sleep. I could barely get out of bed, but Teddy was quite demanding so I took him outside and cursed the fact that I had to go to work. It was also raining. I love laying in bed and listening to it rain and it made me hate going to work even more. Finally, I got my ass in gear and got ready and headed out and got to work early (good for me), but there was some work drama - as there usually is around here. It put me on the defensive, but I am trying to see things from a different perspective and realize that I could, possibly, however unlikely, be in the wrong. Oh well. I want to go home and put my head under the covers and not get out until Sunday. I have always been goal oriented (ummm, right...) so I think I can make this idea come to fruition.

Why not?

As this blog has become a clearinghouse of humiliation for me, I figured I would add to your already colorful picture of my exciting life. Often, I detail my new interests or addictions and read the responses that these confessions elicit. Today is no different. My new addiction?

Super Nintendo. Yep. No, I didn't get in my time machine and travel back to 1991. I just happened to have one laying around my closet and pulled it out for sh*ts and giggles. That was a month ago. I have tried to keep my secret hidden, but I am tired of leading this double life. It is time I admitted I have a problem. I love Super Mario World and I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS. Well, that's not really true, but if I keep saying it to myself maybe I'll believe it. You really can't blame me because there is no cable hook-up in my bedroom, but I have a t.v. in there. I have to do something with the television and this is more practical than drilling holes in walls and running an additional cable line to my bedroom. Plus, I have a touch of insomnia and I'm not supposed to watch television in bed. I don't think playing video games counts.

It's official. I'm a pre-adolescent boy. Could this be rock bottom?

Nah.

Spending Freeze

As paltry as they may be, I have frozen my assets (not literally - just no spending ANY money). I haven't spent anything today or yesterday and I am not planning on spending any money until my next paycheck (the 15th). Part of this is driven by poverty and the other part is that I just don't watch my money very well. I don't get all crazy or anything, but I spend more than I should. I am not buying any food as I have enough in the house to last me a while and I am not going out and buying anything (i.e. drinks or movies, or whatnot). Yay. I guess this will be a good way for me to clean out my shelves and freezer - there's really nothing to speak of in the refrigerator aside from a wide variety of condiments. Maybe I can fill my new found free time being productive. Perhaps cleaning my apartment like I planned when my dad came to visit? Well, let's not get crazy.

Who's with me? Haha, no really, don't do it.

And they said it wouldn't last

And it didn't. Paris Hilton broke up with her shipping heir boyfriend, Zeus or Amadeus or whatever the hell his name is. Thank God most normal people don't run around slobbering all over their significant others and declaring how they "are, like, soooooo much in love!" Ick. I think more people would go postal if they had to witness such a cluster f*ck of vapidness and self-indulgence.

Until the next shipping heir, farewell, Poseidon (or whatever ye name may be), farewell. You are better off without Paris.

This is just ridiculous

I haven't been in anything resembling a relationship since the 19th century and then I have to read about this:

Woman, 104, takes man, 33, as husband No. 21

Please don't miss the part where he hopes to teach her Roman script - ummm, if I was 104, all I want to do is lay around and have my 33 year-old hubby waiting on me. Only if they had a picture of the happy couple. They're probably planning on adopting.

A Grey's Anatomy Question

Why is it that Izzie's (Katherine Heigl) scrubs are tighter around the boobs than anyone else's? This includes the more generously curved Dr. Bailey. Were they out of another size? Just seems sad that this poor girl has to suffer ill-fitting scrubs while she is trying to save lives.

Are you doing enough?

This is the question I ask myself on a daily basis. I have asked this of myself for years because I never feel like I am doing enough. Let me explain. I am always comparing myself with other people and coming up short. I'm too lazy, too fat, too selfish, too conservative, too liberal, too dumb, too naive, too mean, and on and on and on. Generally, I don't believe these things about myself, but when I am having a lot of self doubt one or more of these thoughts creaps into my mind. I know I'm not the only one who thinks about this stuff, but I always feel like "if people really knew me...they wouldn't like me..." I think the key is living my life and doing what I know is right and good for me and other people. It may not be right for everyone, but I'm too old to keep this sh*t up. I keep waiting to feel more self assured and it is has come much more slowly than I thought it would.

As a wise man once said: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gone-it people like me!"

Grrr and double Grrr

I know that some of you don't really get the whole "NASCAR thing," but I was really excited about the race and on the second of three pace laps it started raining. It was cold, windy, and wet, but we tried to stick it out. Finally, the five of us admitted defeat and started the long trek back to the cars. Disappointment doesn't really cover my feelings because going to a race is a big deal. It wears you out and after all of the preparation we didn't even get to see anything. For those of you who are curious, even the NASCAR newbies were getting excited after the cars started their engines (when all 43 cars start their engines it vibrates through the stadium and you can't help but get caught up in the moment). Luckily, I took off Monday and I will be watching the race on t.v. today in about 30 minutes, but it's still not the same. Oh well, at least I get to sit on my couch.