Friday, March 31, 2006

Cleaning update

Well, despite my panic earlier in the week, I really didn't get too much accomplished related to cleaning. I did some cursory work on Monday (or was it Tuesday?) night and that was about it. Last night I felt motivated again and popped an old tape in the VCR (The Big Chill) and set about to cleaning the dreaded bedroom. Unfortunately, I had the BRILLIANT idea to rearrange my room. This created an even bigger mess and I am not all that excited about the new placement of my furniture. There are only a limited amount of arrangements the room can sustain as I have two closets and a big window (translation: 3 out of 4 walls are broken up in some way). I woke up this morning and kind of said to myself "D'Oh!" I am planning on making some improvements when I get home this afternoon, but I have a feeling my dad is going to go into some sort of shock when he enters my cluttered abode. Sigh.

Thursday, March 30, 2006


Don't expect Miss Mary Sunshine to make an appearance if you tell me that I look tired and then wonder why I don't thank you for the unwanted comment. It was 7:35 in the morning, forgive me if I don't appear to be bouncing off the walls with joy and happiness. You can sure as hell guarantee that my mood is not going to improve now.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

there's a limit

After applying for sainthood (still waiting to hear back from the Vatican) I had to speak to my neighbor this evening about her horrible taste in music and the volume at which she was playing it. I didn't actually dis the music, but I did ask her to turn it down. She was nice about (I'm sure she starts stories with "my crazy upstairs neighbor" or "that bitch that lives above me" - but you can add this fact to the list of things that I couldn't give a crap about). She turned the music down and now I have a running tally of six neighbors that I have told to shut the f*ck up (although in much nicer words). This is another reason I need to get a real job so I can start paying a mortgage on a house that is so far from another human you would need a GPS system to find civilization. I will have the record show that I remained calm and didn't have meltdown. I still see this as another victory.

Things I couldn't give a crap about:

1. Jessica Simpson's interest in adopting a baby or not.
2. The Christian convert who was granted asylum in Italy. Fine. We get it.
3. That creepy Britney Spears giving birth sculpture (ick. double ick)
4. FEMA.
5. George W. Bush and anything that happens in with his administration staff.
6. The obesity pandemic of America. I get it. We're fat.
7. Profanity on television. It's a few curse words. You're children have heard worse. It's an ugly world.

People need to find new things to bitch about. This stuff is ridiculous.

My troubles are over

Everyone can rest assured that they don't need to worry about me anymore. All of my problems have been taken care of. What happened, you ask? Well, yesterday I checked my mail and low and behold I had a wonderful letter in the mail that said that I had just received the gift of Jesus (apparently, He travels through the post office these days - next stop email). Who can resist that message? I pulled everything out of the envelope and there was this extremely creepy picture of (what I assume) was their version of the Jesus. On the bottom of this large piece of paper (approximately the size of one of those posters a tween can get in the latest copy of Tiger Beat) it said "Christian Prayer Rug." On the back it instructed me to kneel on this rug - or if I couldn't kneel - touch the paper to both knees and all my prayers would be answered. Also included were testimonials from two women. One of these most pious of women had won $46,000 and the other was "healed" (from what it never said). My reaction? I'm IN! I'm just gonna get down on my knees and squeeze myself on my new paper rug and make a big ole' wish. The letter also implored me to share this important message with my, get excited...a prayer rug may be coming your way...

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Panic Mode!

I talked to my dad last night and he mentioned that he may come down to visit me this weekend. I would like for him to visit and it will probably be nice to have him around because we don't get a lot of father daughter time, but he should have given me more warning. My apartment is a wreck. No, cross that, it's a total disaster area and it is amazing that I haven't actually lost Teddy in the piles of rubble. It's not dirty, just incredibly messy. Generally, I don't have a lot of people over to my house so I don't have to worry about public ridicule for my slothfulness. Jenny comes over fairly regularly, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't say anything about it. I am currently at work, but I think I am going to make a game plan for digging out. I think I will start in the bedroom because this is the place that I always lose interest in after cleaning the rest of the apartment. Usually, I figure that I can just hide everything in the closet or the far side of the bed (you can't see anything if you place things strategically - or pitch them quickly as I have been known to do). Maybe this time I will actually clean all the rooms (all four of them). Who knows, stranger things have happened.

Monday, March 27, 2006

I'm maturing

Tonight, my downstairs neighbor has been quite loud (well, for me) and has played music and their television quite loud and my anxiety level has stayed pretty low. For those of you who don't know, this is a BIG deal. I believe sainthood could be next. Cross your fingers


Um, I'm not sure if it's the places I've been hanging out at lately, but I keep seeing people talking to themselves. In this day and age, it is not too unusual to see someone talking to themselves and realize they're just talking on a hands-free headset, but the people I'm talking about are straight up C-R-A-Z-Y. Not only are they carrying on a full a conversation with themselves, but you can tell "someone" is talking back. Hey, I talk to myself from time to time, but I try to refrain from doing it in the presence of other people. A few of these people I have seen are not homeless and seem to hold down steady jobs and still they blab away at nothing (which irks me for several reasons - most of all b/c they have real jobs, but I digress). Am I being too harsh, should I have more tolerance for the wacked in the head? I'm not sure, I shall take this under advisement...

Sunday, March 26, 2006

wow. that's unpopular.

Today I read an article that stated that 41% of people polled would not like to go camping with Tom Cruise. The sad part is that the person directly behind this number (39%) was Saddam Hussein. You know how I was referring to rock bottom earlier this week? Well, Tom has hit his.

Different strokes for different folks

I was watching an episode of House Hunters last night and it struck me how different people can be. This episode featured a 24 year-old guy who was about to graduate from college and was interested in purchasing his first home. This, in and of itself, was a bit different from most episodes because they usually feature older couples who tend to have more money. Anyhoo, this guy discussed how he had always wanted to live in a house and had been saving his money since HIGH SCHOOL. I have trouble even saving enough money for a coke later in the workday and this guy is socking away money for a house 6-8 years down the road? That Kenmore box is looking more and more likely - well, that or Jenny's porch.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Beep, beep, beep: Debauchery Ahead.

Tonight (by the time you read this is will be Friday) we will be celebrating Jenny's 72nd B-day. I know what you're thinking - She looks really good for that old. It's true, she sleeps in a cryogenic chamber every night (her and Michael Jackson)...Just kidding....Jenny is 27 and doesn't look a day over 25. We will be having a delicious dinner and then head out to local bars for some naughty behavior. I can't be specific until the evening, but I will hazard to guess that shots, mixed drinks, ibuprofen, and greasy food will be consumed during the evening. Hope everyone is doing well and has a safe weekend. Once again, take a cab. I know I will.

Where'd my blog go?

I'm trying to find it, so bear with this message

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Kids, today we have a guest blogger

I have not been feeling too creative today so I have decided to turn the reins of the blog over to someone that has wanted to share his feelings for a long time: Teddy.

Hi everybody! Katie has let me comment officially today, but let's face it - the creative one in this relationship has always been me. Some of you have met me, but several of you haven't so I will give you my description. To say that I'm a handsome fellow is quite the understatement. I have a salt and pepper coat, a bit shaggy (which is hip with the kids these days), ears that are ever so floppy and jaunty, great teeth, and a bright red Dale Jr. collar. I keep slim and trim by running around the apartment and jumping up and down from the couch in my efforts to keep watch over the neighborhood. Some people say I smell, I hate to name names, but we'll call one of my detractors 'Benny.' I prefer to think I have a distinctive aroma, more a cross between rugged male and the outdoors.

I have a pretty phat life. I have to share the bed with Katie at night, but I usually get it to myself during the day. Katie has some pretty lame taste in telly so the Tivo is constantly jumping around from one crap show to the other. Forgive her, she can't help being inherently cheesy. My tastes run more to the Animal Planet and Bravo. Usually I eat once a day, but I don't have much of an appetite. I do have to note that that b*tch (Katie) eats food in front of me all the time and has the audacity to deny me even a lick. All those stories of me sneaking food? True, but now you see why I do it. Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now - I need my beauty sleep. 'Til next time,

Teddy G.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Rock Bottom

I don't usually post so close together, but I feel the need to admit another embarassing fact about my life:

As a result of my Lenten promise, I have taken to drinking other beverages. I'm just not the Darren from Bewitched type (fix myself a martini upon my arrival home from work) so I don't have a lot of liquor in the house. I like something I can open, hear a little hiss, and take a swig. No, I haven't sunk to drinking Wild Irish Rose or Mad Dog 20/20. No, even lower. I have now started drinking:


What's next? Where will the madness end. The horror, the horror.

Am I addicted to the internet?

Probably, but I don't care. I don't know about you, but I have certain websites I visit on a daily basis and if I miss them I feel lost. Don't worry, I don't get the DTs or feel extreme depression if can't get to my sites. I thought I would give you a list of the sites I frequent on a daily basis (generally):

Sarah M.
Lora Leigh
Me Rachel
Nalini Singh

The Futon Critic
People Magazine
Yahoo Games
Yahoo Entertainment News
The Weather Channel
My bank site

I don't really feel bad about my internet habits, but I realize that they're ingrained in my daily routine. Anything you can't miss?

Monday, March 20, 2006

Quarter Life Crisis

I don't want to take credit for the terminology as it was originally Jenny's usage of the quarter life crisis. After giving props to the right person, I am hopping right in to today's topic:

I am still in Nashville and I am dreading heading back to B'ham. It is not because I don't love my own apartment, friends, general way of life in the magic city, but the thought of returning to my job is enough to send me into an eternal despair that I may never escape from. I hate my job. I think this has been clear over the past few months, but I just really need to get that out in the open. I HATE MY JOB. For the most part, I like/love the people I work with and I also like a lot of the people I come in contact with on a daily basis, but I HATE THE PAY AND THE HOURS. I just assumed that after I graduated I would have a job within the first month or two of working, but this is untrue. For the first time in my life, I actually know what I want to do, but there aren't any jobs open for what I want and I am not that interested in moving. The idea of facing endless weeks of the same old same old is almost unbearable and it is absolutely financially DISASTROUS. The thing that I find so distressing is that the days and weeks seem to be moving with turtle like speed, but I also seem to lose track of the time I have spent in this job and I figure I am going to wake up one day and be forty working the same job living on Jenny's porch (and if anyone has seen her porch, this is a bit of a daunting possibility - not her fault, but her Evil Landlord). I just can't move home. Maybe I could live in some sort of halfway home for convicts or special needs people. I think they're about on my speed.

Tomorrow: back to the old ball and chain.

Quote for the day/week: "better living through chemistry"

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Just a note

Even though he is on a reality show, Hulk Hogan insists on wearing a fanny pack. Hasn't anyone let him know that this is not a look one should be going for. Or a bleach blonde mustache. Or tight spandex panties. Oh well.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Here's the good news

I am home right now, sitting on the couch in the den watching Storytellers on Vh1 (featuring the BeeGees - discussing how they wrote "Stayin Alive") and I can tell you about the good news that I alluded to earlier this week. My brother asked his girlfriend to marry him tonight and she said yes. I am very happy for the two of them. My brother is a nester. He was meant to get married and have a family, which is good, because people are going to have to hold their breath when it comes to me. The ring is beee-u-t-eee-full. He had a jeweler make it and even guessed the right size. They were meant for each other. Now, comes the less fun part of parties, showers, and the actual wedding. She doesn't have any sisters so I figure my chances of being in the wedding are pretty high. Yip-pee. I'm not into frou-frou or ruffles and that is what weddings tend to be about. In pastels. Jenny and I are hoping to be flower girls, but I'll settle for bartender. Yes, it may be a bit unconventional, but I think I would have a much better time than if I was stuck in an ugly dress with a fake smile pasted on my face (this does not mean that I am unhappy about this turn of events, I just hate dressing up). Maybe she will have a pajama themed wedding?

Hope springs eternal.

Drink Green Beer for me...or any beer for that matter...

I am pleased to report that I am feeling much more positive on this spring morning and not nearly as angry as I was these past few days. I am currently at work, but I am leaving in a couple of hours and hitting the road for my old stomping ground. Let's face it, even when I lived there, I didn't do too much stomping. I will get to see several people I haven't see in a while and I will also see about this good news that I eluded to earlier this week. I hope everyone has a great St. Patrick's Day and a wonderful weekend in general. Be good and take a cab home (if you need one).

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I am an angry person. apparently.

For the last couple of days I have been really mad. Not about anything in particular and I have managed to keep most of it to myself, but I am still really pissed. I get annoyed at people when they are doing nothing wrong and I just want to be by myself. I felt better today and I haven't had the same amount of anger, but it is still there. It is quite strange and I hope I am able to refrain from going off on someone. If you are reading this and we are going to be talking in the next few days: don't take anything I say personally. I am heading to Nashville this weekend for some R&R and maybe that will chill me out.

I kind of feel like Napoleon in Napoleon Dynomite:


Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I feel like talkin'

I just feel like talking to someone and since everyone has gone to sleep I have decided to talk to blogger. Nothing much is going on in my life and, yes, this is the same girl that was only a few hours earlier discussing how they did not want to do ANYTHING. No need to worry, I still don't want to do anything. I just want to talk about not doing anything. That's okay. I am visiting Nashvegas this weekend and I might have some big news to report. Nothing related to me, per se, but exciting non the less. At this point in my life, I'll take exciting news for anything. BTW, in an attempt to give some props:

Happy Birthday to Adrienne and my goddaughter, Isabella (well, tomorrow 3/15)! Some of the best people I know.

Like I didn't have enough tv to watch...

I am now addicted to Cheerleader Nation. This guilty pleasure of a show is AWESOME. I can't help but be fascinated by it. I used to make fun of cheerleaders in high school, but I think part of this was the natural inclination of youth to make fun of something you either can't do or don't understand. Anyhoo, great drama and it is fun to watch these highschoolers talk and act like idiots. This is really not a jugdement call, it is more a product of their age. I would try to pretend to be cooler and aloof to this show, but it would be pointless after all of the secrets I have already revealed to blogger.

The most unmotivated person in the ENTIRE world

I feel like doing absolutely nothing. Not one thing. I am too lazy to check my email, play on myspace, play games on yahoo, I want to lay around like a slug and try to burn as few calories as possible. It is sad when you look at your dog sleeping on the floor and you are jealous of his simple lifestyle. It is a good thing I don't have anything pressing to do because it just wouldn't get done.

Kids, the word for the day is: blah.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sooooooo stoked!

I just found out that there are plans to make a sequel to Harold and Kumar! For those of you who saw the original there was definitely room for a second installment and it is titled (perfectly):

Harold and Kumar go to Amsterdam

Here's some of the info.

It's really the little things, isn't it?

How much time do you have?

Today, I was working and there is constant controversy over the music we play in the facility. Honestly, there is absolutely no way to please everyone and it is a frustrating and ultimately pointless endeavor to try and make everyone happy. I was sitting at the front when this man came up to the desk and made a complaint. To give you some background, this is someone that complains EVERYTIME he is in the place and has been vocal to managers and staff alike about his displeasure. He always makes snotty comments about the music whenever I see him and I have very little patience for his childish behavior. So back to today, he came up to me while an Eminem song was on in which he (Em) was imploring females to "shake that ass" (except ass was actually silenced in the song). He (Mr. complainer) told me (yes, told) to change the channel and I told him I was not allowed and he said that he spoke to my boss and she said that we could change the channel. He also told me that as a female I should be offended by the content of the song as well. First off, I don't like anyone telling me what should or should not offend me and what was more offensive was his condescending tone and general ass-ness. I called my boss and she informed me that there was one other channel I could change it to. I went ahead and changed it to soft rock and went back to my business. The guy came up again and complained about the new music and informed me it was like "the inmates running the asylum." I was quite perplexed about this comment as I don't consider myself an inmate and he was the one orchestrating the entire exchange. He finally approached someone else and told them that he wanted the music changed (this person did not know that we had already had a conversation about this) and this staff member changed it back to the other station. The original station. I kept hoping the Eminem song would come back on and I could just watch his reaction. Alas, I was off for the afternoon. This gets to the title of the post which is the amount of time you have to spend on such pointless endeavors. I have a suggestion for this guy: get some headphones and listen to Yanni or whatever other bad music he surely is a fan of.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Addicted to...

Myspace. I thought I would register and look at it every once in a while, but I find that I can't help myself. Now that I have figured out how to log on while at work, I am pretty sure that I will never spend another productive moment at my place of employment. I think myspac-ing is my new way of drunk dialing. I must stop myself from soliciting people to be my friends. If you are reading this and never met me, there is a very good chance that I have extended you an invite. If you haven't gotten it yet, just give me another couple of days. I'm coming for you.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Here is something I know...

Jenny will know what I mean by this one:

I may not know a lot. I may be unhappy about a lot of things. I may be self-deprecating to an ultimate fault. I may drive my friends crazy. I may not be the most caring individual. But, this is what I know:

After surfing through myspace for close to one million years, I have come to the conclusion that there is someone on this site that I am:

Better than, prettier than, nicer than, more caring than, less likely to go to hell than, more willing to face time in prison than...Generally, a more all around okay person than...

Did you think I would reveal this person's name. Oh no. God has this person's number, no need for me to reveal it. Karma's a bitch. I am even waiting for their time to run out.


Since several BSC alums read this blog, I have decided to address the church arsons and the Colleges response to these crimes.

Over the past couple of days I have read several articles about the arrests of the BSC students and the community's reaction to these "shocking" turn of events. First of all, of course people are shocked. Generally one does not willingly hang out with people you would automatically assume would burn down churches. If you do, that means you have extremely low standards for friendship. Secondly, the president of Birmingham-Southern released a statement about the arrests and noted that the permissive use of alcohol in today's youth culture contributed to the arsons. People, I have been drunk many, many times - on BSC's campus no less - and I have NEVER considered setting fire to anything. If anything, I was more fascinated by fire as a child and more likely to play with matches at this time and I certainly wasn't a hard drinkin' eight year old. Lots of people make bad decisions when they drink and I am certainly one of them, but to suggest that one would travel to the middle of the woods and set fire to numerous churches as a result of alcohol consumption is a cop out. Lastly, from what has been reported, the students said the fires started as a joke that got out of hand. That's plain old crap. You don't burn down churches as a joke. It is a malicious act that is intended to hurt people. One of the articles in the Birmingham News noted that two of the students were Satanists, but they weren't worshipping Satan - it was just about the "pursuit of knowledge." Once again, that's crap. The whole thing is a bunch of BULLSHIT on their part and I hope that when they are sentenced the judge throws away the key.

And that's all I have to say on the subject.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Hello, My name is Katie and I'm an idiot.

In the interest of full disclosure and for other people's amusement I have decided to tell an embarrassing story about myself. You know how I have been struggling to fix my tivo all week? Well, it turns out that nothing was wrong with it. I'm just an idiot. Here is how it unfolded:
Mid-December I took my laptop home and disrupted the router connection to both the television and the tivo. Since this time I have struggled to get my router to maintain any sort of connection with the tivo or computer and the process has been quite irritating (to say the very least). I would run my linksys setup cd and get the thing started, but inevitably my connection would fail and I would have to do the whole thing over again. Then last week I thought my wireless adaptor had given up the ghost and I decided to go with a wired one to prevent these problems from happening anymore. Well, I couldn't find a wired adaptor and ended up purchasing another wireless one (different brand) to use and it was not compatible with the damn thing. I went back to BestBuy (where I bought the new adaptor) and had them SPECIALLY order me a wired router and returned the one I had just bought. Imagine my excitement last night when I got home and found my new adaptor outside of my door. I got inside the apartment, reconfigured the router (did I fail to mention that I never went all the way through the guided setup and would quit after I got an initial wireless signal?) and hooked up the new wired adaptor. Well, as luck would have it this adaptor also did not work and I was very frustrated and then on a whim (and desperation) I plugged in the original wireless adaptor I got months ago and it worked with little effort. So, all in all, I have spent close to $100, two trips to BestBuy (soon to be 3, to return the wired adaptor), countless hours of misery (sad, but true), and the priceless feeling of stupidity, to come to the conclusion that all of this was pointless and I could have solved this problem months ago, without any extra money or frustration. I believe this is the point in the story where you say "and there's your sign."

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

It's back, sweet Jesus, it's back.

My tivo, that is. I was finally able to connect to the tivo service and I am in a state close to euphoria. Honestly, I believe that this has been a character building experience. I lost my tivo service and I am still alive. Miracles do happen. I managed to withstand the misery and not succumb to the temptation of beer or suicide. Join with me in this celebration (oh, and by the way, I am totally going to hell for this blasphemous post).

All in the name of science

I'm sick. I have a nasty cold and I have come to the only reasonable conclusion there is. The lack of beer has caused this to happen. I figure that before Wednesday of last week my body was such a toxic site that no self-respecting germ would have made its way to my body. Now, all my clean living (well, relatively clean - compared to last week - super clean) I have become host to some sort of dread parasite that is slowly sapping my strength and will to live. My mother always said that she never got really sick until she quit smoking and then all hell broke loose. She said it was because of the fine coating of nicotine and tar she had that served as a "protective seal" against harmful elements. That's what I have forfeited. My protective seal of hops and barley - two of the most important food groups and vitamin supplements if you ask me. Next week - the plague. It really will be like Passover.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Two ways to get an express ticket to hell...

Either: Steal a poor girl's prostetic legs so that she has no way to get around (I saw this story on Not only did someone steal her legs, but they did it TWICE. My question is why? This is not exactly like something that people usually steal like a car or t.v. I have no purpose for fake legs, unless I was interested in recreating the "leg lamp" from A Christmas Story. People suck.

Or: Burn down churches. All these church fires in Alabama have got me thinking about what people are capable of. Now, I'm no saint, but I'm pretty sure that I will not be setting fire to a house of worship anytime soon. Lying, cheating, stealing, impure thoughts, coveting - yes. Church burning - no. I'm such a prude.

My life

I find that I am looking at my life and wondering where things are going. Several of my friends seem to be advancing in their careers and what they're doing with their lives and I feel like I am in neutral. Maybe even reverse. I am a well-educated person who is essentially putting my high school diploma to use. I might as well have skipped the whole "college" thing and went straight to the job I have right now. In all honestly, I think alot of what I am feeling is the incredible amount of pressure I feel right now to get a job and start paying off my student loans. I have got to find a real job and get things rolling. I hope this will improve things because if it doesn't, I'm not sure what to do. Fun times.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Paper or Plastic?

I was at the grocery store the other day picking up a few essentials for the week. Like usual, my hands were full of stuff (I would get a basket, but I always convince myself that I am only getting a couple of things) and I got in the line. The lady who was checking me out pulled out paper bags and started to put my groceries in the bag. I thought this was a bit strange because most of the time the person loading the bags reaches for plastic first. I didn't say anything and ended up with three bags. I will tell you that I had the damndest time getting those bags out to my car. Unlike plastic, paper bags don't have handles and they're awkward. Maybe its an environmental thing - although I have heard that there really isn't much difference - but I want plastic. Next time someone tries to pack my stuff in paper, I will speak up.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

no beer. no tivo. no reason to live.

Oh despair of all despair has descended upon the G household. For some reason I can't get the tivo to connect and now I am going to have to connect it to a phone line at Jenny's house and hope for the best. Sometimes I think things are just harder for me than other people. Plenty of people around this world have tivo on a wireless network and it just seems to work for them. Oh well, I will just take care of it tomorrow.

P.S. Oh and as for the Meg Ryan pic, has been added to my list of people that look "weird"