Monday, October 31, 2005

His breath still smelled like icing

There he was...innocently sitting on the couch, watching a little Dr. Phil and clearly enjoying his afternoon. Then I saw the look. I have seen it so often I can spot it from forty paces, at least: guilt. Yep. Teddy ate my Halloween cupcake. I saved it from class and left it on my kitchen counter and damned if the little bugger didn't gobble it up. The cupcake wrapper was in pristine condition. He licked that mother clean and not a crumb was left behind to indicate that a cupcake had ever graced this house. For all of his faults, he certainly has a delicate touch. The paper wasn't even wripped. It looked as if he smoothed it out in an attempt to make it look neat. I'm surprised he didn't place it in the trash can as a curtesy to me. Hell, I could probably use it again.

I know, I know, you're saying to yourself, "Katie, haven't you learned by now?" My answer? Apparently, not. What I have to say in my defense is that he seems to be blessed with some sort of doggie super powers. The moment I leave the apartment he flies around and picks out all of the things he knows I value, need, or want and either destroys it or eats it.

Question to self: was the m-m's incident for naught?

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy...

I lost my cell phone.

My life has ended.

I will never speak to any of you again.

I don't know your phone numbers.

I will be getting a new phone (same number) in two days so til then I will be cut off from everybody. This has already been tough. Make sure to give me a call later this week so I can get your number in the new phone.

Pray for my sanity. It is quickly fading. This has probably been the sh*ttiest September and October I have ever had. I am now waiting for locusts and frogs and the plagues will be complete.

Friday, October 28, 2005

I've tried to be patient...

But this morning I woke up to discover that my Tivo recorded The 700 Club. What!!!??? I have tried and tried to train my Tivo and apparently it is trying to help me find Jesus. I think the damn thing is testing me. Trying to bend me to its will. It's like having a missionary living in my house and witnessing to me on a daily basis. "Watch this, record this, love this." Okay, so maybe it isn't exactly telling me to do those things, but it feels like it. Jeez, Teddy wasn't this hard to housetrain. Mark my words, I will bend Tivo to my will.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Katie's Book Club

I love to read. Everyone who has even met me briefly knows this fact. I love to read new books and suggest books for other people to read and also to take the suggestions of friends and family. Although I am about three years behind the bandwagon on this one, I just finished a book that was excellent and I am trying to get other people to read it.

Alice Siebold's The Lovely Bones

It was fantastic, moving and I can't wait to read something that moves me like this book did. It is a difficult book to read. I don't mean that I struggled with the mechanics of the book, just the subject matter. For anyone that has lost someone close to them, I think you will find this book very comforting. I am sure several of you have already read this book, but if you haven't I highly recommend it.

Okay, with that said, I am now looking for another great, got any suggestions?

(is it obvious I am going to be a librarian?)

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Goose is Back in Town

Oh, that's right. Lucy is back. The relief I feel right now is palpable. As expected, she is dressed for success. Since Halloween is around the corner, Lucy is dressed for the holiday. Her costume of choice is a Pumpkin. Hard to imagine, but bear with me:

Her body is covered in a pumpkin suit and her head is covered by a little pumpkin hat. Cute? Ummm, I can't actually express how cute it is. I am tempted to go out and buy a pumpkin of my own.

On a related note, are you doing anything special for All Hallowed's Eve?

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Trust me, the book was better

Over the past couple of days I have seen several examples of how a book was ruined by a movie. One particular t.v. movie based on a book that I absolutely LOVED was awful. Why did they ruin it? It was so disappointing. Last weekend I saw the movie version of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and was thoroughly bummed. The guys looked like the products of incest (kind of like the children in the movie version of Children in the Attic). I understand that it is often difficult to translate books into movies, but the parts they changed were unnecessary. They attempted to dramatize parts of the book that just didn't need it. So this leads me to my question (and auxiliary question):

What is the worst movie based on a book you have seen?

What book would you like to be made into a movie?

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The heroin of our generation

Well, I think there are two things that can be likened to highly addictive drugs: cable and cell phones. I just paid an enormous cell phone bill and the cable wasn't cheap either. Now, you people know I love some cable. I am not one to complain about the cost of cable as it provides me much happiness and fulfillment (judge me not), but sometimes you gotta say enough is enough! I pay a lot of money for cable and Charter Communications should treat me like a queen. Who do they actually treat me like? Some junkie that they know can't live without the smack their selling. Sad thing is: their right. Fine. I accept that, but...

The cell phone thing is a whole different thing. Cell phones make you stupid. Proven fact. I want you to take a moment and count how many phone numbers you know by heart. I am down to about six. Do you know what this means? You are in serious trouble if you get caught somewhere without ye ole' cell phone. Also, for those of you who don't answer numbers you don't recognize...remember that sometimes people have to call you from different numbers and if you don't answer the g.d. phone we might go insane. This has happened to me more times than I like to remember. Okay, so where was I? Cell phones are too expensive and the service sucks. Real phones are more reliable, but less convenient. I am seriously considering going back to the old days and getting one of those ancient phones lines that works from home. I could reduce my current number of minutes (it currently hovers around 1.5 million - yet it is still not enough) and reduce the amount of dinero I am shelling out every month. Of course, making any changes to my plan means that I will now be trapped into an extension of my current contract and it won't be up until 2015. Jesus, murderers get off with less time. I love my cell phone, but my cell phone doesn't love me. All I can say:


Update: For the past few weeks Lucy Goosey has been AWOL. At first there was a sign that said "out of town, be back soon!" Well, the sign is gone and I am starting to suspect foul (or should I say fowl?) play. I don't want to jump to conclusions...but the holidays are coming up and this is a notorious anti-bird time of year. Join with me in prayer...

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Crap! Apparently I'm a "grown-up"

I had to shop for my very first suit today. Ugh. They are extremely uncomfortable and I find them too stuffy. It was almost as bad as having to buy my first training bra. I am the type of person that would wander around in my pajamas all day long. I would go to work, parties and church all in jammies if I could. Okay, so maybe I am not what you would call a "regular" attendee of services (try once a year for the big J.C.'s b-day) and I can actually go to work in clothes that resemble p.j.'s (if I'm running really late, sometimes they really are the ones I was wearing - ssshhh - don't tell). Parties or bars are the one place where I could not withstand the public ridicule. Everyone would point and stare if I walked in in footie pajamas, but they would also secretly be jealous. This world would be damn close to perfect if I could wear some sort of stretchy cotton pants and shirts (at least two sizes too big of course) at all times. I am in such a better mood when I look kinda homeless. Of course if this actually came about, no one would ever get laid. They would just be too fugly. Oh well, call me crazy...oh wait, that was the last post.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I'm crazy, but that's okay because so are you

Lesson of the day: Everybody has problems. Some of us are just a little more open about them than others. I just wanted to give a public thank you to several people who have listened to me bitch for the last several days. I think you know who you are and it means more to me than you will probably ever know. I figure I'm pretty lucky to have such supportive people around me. *applause, applause*

Moving on to the topic of the day...

There is one thing I have always told myself: everyone has their own quirks. Everyone faces challenges and problems. I have lost sight of that of late and I think this is why my life has been a bit turbulent (well, in addition to the cluster f*ck of stress I have had, but I digress). So that's what leads me to the title of my blog. Maybe you haven't expressed your problems to me, but I know you've got 'em. That's what I love about everyone. If I've unloaded on you in the past few days feel free to talk to me about your problems - the "doctor" is in...harhar

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Who exactly does my Tivo think I am?

For those of you without Tivo I will fill you in on some interesting aspects of the service. Tivo will record programs that it thinks you will enjoy based on programs that you have watched in the past.

Well, my Tivo thinks I am a young African American female.

Every morning I wake up to find that Tivo has taped episodes of Moesha and The Parkers. Every morning. I erase these programs to make room for more programs and the next morning - guess what? Yep. More Moesha. Sometimes I will get a special bonus of spanish language soap operas and Becker. Apparently, Tivo thinks I am also boring. I bet my Tivo mocks me while I am asleep.

It could be worse

Jenny's Tivo thinks she is an elderly, amateur crime sleuth with a penchant for westerns. Her Tivo has taped episodes of Matlock, Murder She Wrote, and her absolute favorite program - Gunsmoke. Hey, every 26 year old female I know loves grainy westerns from the 50s and 60s. Tivo laughs at her too.

What will be on the Tivo next?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

A Pippie Broke Into to My House!

Okay, so maybe that's not true, but it smells like it. Let me explain.

Several months ago I purchased several items from and along with my new goodies, the store also sent along a complimentary bottle of scented surface cleaner. Wow, what a nice gesture. Huh. Yeah, right. The scent was Green Tea (I'm still on board at this point) and Patchouli (You just lost me). WTF. If this doesn't prove to you that Satan exists or that God has an ironic sense of humor I don't know what will. Well, to my great dismay and regret, I didn't throw the offending bottle into the trash -where it should be. I left it sitting on my living room side table and I have moved it out of my way regularly, but I haven't made the effort to throw it away. Last night I came home after having dinner and thought the ole' apartment smelled a little earthy. Nothing too strong, just a little "Widespread Panicesque." I took Teddy out for his walk and came back inside and noticed that there was something on his doggie bed (it was dim in the room). I leaned down and to my horror realized that Teddy had pulled the bottle down and chewed the top off of the bottle and allowed the Pippie Perfume to leak onto his bed. Damn. Patchouli just doesn't go away. That sh*t clings. I am under the sneaking suspicion that after this initial exsposure to Satan's Brew, Teddy may be turning into one of "them." Don't panic. I am going to have an intervention and take away his new bohemian shirt and his mini non-specific peace sign. It's not too late. He can be saved. A pox is upon me house...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Procrastination as a way of life

I am here to let everyone know that procrastination is not inherently bad, it just depends on how you go about your procrastinating. I prefer what I have termed "planned procrastination" (I also refer to this as "planned laziness"), which means that you put things off, but you also figure out when you will accomplish what you have avoided doing. This idea may fly in the face of prevailing beliefs, but I have proof that the method works. I have managed to get through numerous semesters employing my system. For those naysayers out there - yes, I have been in graduate school for a long time (previously tallied at 246 years), but that is b/c I am a glutton for punishment and not because I fail to do my work. Slow and steady wins the race, be-otches.

Lay on your couch.
Watch your t.v. or saved Tivo programs.
Ignore your work or homework.
Accomplish nothing (well, for a limited amount of time).

As Ben Stiller once said, "Do It." (Starsky and Hutch)

Just in case you don't believe me, there is an entire website devoted to the merits of procrastination located at - where else?

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Are you watching this sh*t?

I have been watching "Breaking Bonaduce" for the past few weeks and this stuff is awes (see awesome- cut off the "ome"). This show is almost as good as a NASCAR race in the sense that you are physically and mentally unable to think badly of yourself. You have got to figure that this guy is pretty f*cked up and you don't do nearly the same kind of stuff he does.

Don't judge. I cling to anything that makes me feel better.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

I'm a Genius!!

I got my Tivo to work through my home wireless internet (thanks to an initial setup using Jenny's phone line).

Well, it was nice knowing everyone. Don't worry if you haven't heard from me in a couple of months.

j/k -I think. I will be posting soon...maybe. Must watch Tivo. Must pause live television. It's too good. I'm getting a little misty.

So happy...

Uh, should we be worried?

Did Jesus come back and nobody told me? In recent days discussions of Hurricanes, Avian Flu, Earthquakes, and Karl Rove agreeing to testify without immunity, have made me believe that the apocalypse is upon us.

Dude, if this is true, I am in trouble.

See all previous posts to support this theory.

It reminds me of the bumper sticker "Jesus is coming. Look busy." I would not consider myself all that religious. I believe in God, but when it comes to specifics I am a little more iffy. Nothing like the threat of eternal damnation to get you walking the straight and narrow. Back in Catholic school the nuns always told us about St. Augustine and how he was this big sinner and then repented later in life. I've have always felt that this was a pretty good way to live. You know, party while you're young and then get serious later.

Crap, is it time to get serious?

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Why do I care?

I ask myself this when I read reports of Nick and Jessica and a possible divorce. I am inordinantly worried about the state of their marriage and the marriages of other celebrities. Now it isn't all celebrities. When the news broke that Renee and Kenny broke up I wasn't all that shocked. I loved the cover of People magazine that asked "What Went Wrong?" on their cover. I'll tell you what went wrong:

You met in January.
Dated via Blackberry.
Married in May.
Lived separate lives all summer.

Aside from the people I don't care about, I feel bad for these people who get married and divorced with such regularity. Maybe it's the romantic in me. Maybe it's the fact that the media and tabloid mags make you care by their constant surveillance.

Hi, my name is Katie, and I am a celebrity junkie. Help Me. Nevermind, it's too late. Save yourselves.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

A girl crush?

After several recent conversations and remembering something that Jenny mentioned not too long ago, I would like to discuss a "girl-crush." Before you start judging me, I am not talking about anything romantic, but more of a new friend kind of thing. You know, you meet someone new and you think they are cool and you would like to be their friend. That's a girl crush. I guess guys might have something similar, but they won't even sit next to each other in a movie theater (BTW, what is up with that?) so it isn't really the same. I know I have had girl crushes. It's fun to meet new people that you think are really cool. I say you should enjoy it while it lasts because this person, in the event you actually become friends, will lose their charm. It is inevitable. That's why it is fun to have acquaintances as they think you are much cooler than you really are. Hope I haven't freaked anyone out. Am I totally alone here?

Hello, it is totally a definition in the urban dictionary:

girl crush
feelings of admiration and adoration which a girl has for another girl, without wanting to shag said girl. a nonsexual attraction, usually based on veneration at some level. More definitions

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

have you ever been...

Sitting in class or at work and you could just hop up and knock the taste out of someone's mouth? I know this sounds extreme and more than a little violent, but Good Lord! I'm not sure if it is library school or just our culture in general, but sometimes people act like such idiots and torture the rest of us normal people.

What exactly am I talking about? Well, it's a number of things, but I think it boils down to people not listening. Have you ever noticed how people just don't seem to listen anymore? For example, someone asks you for directions and you start to explain it to them and they start walking away nodding in that absent kind of way. Hey, I've done it before, but when I do it I don't expect the person to repeat themselves. This happens to me at work ALL THE TIME. Don't ask if you aren't willing to devote the entire minute and a half that it will take for me to fully explain what you want to know.

In relation to class, there are several people I have class with who are furiously taking notes and highlighting every g.d. word in the g.d. book and damned if they aren't tuning out exactly what they need to hear! Then the rest of the class have to suffer through their asinine questions that the professor has already explained or is just about to discuss. All of this happens when we are already running over class time and into MY time.

Listening is an art that a lot of people have lost. I know I could be a better listener and I implore the rest of you to be good listeners. If you know anyone who acts like the people I have described above, feel free to thump them on the head and mock them...I know I do.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Writer's Block

Honestly, I can't think of much to write about. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am feeling a bit "ho-hum" (that's for you Sarah M.). I had dinner and hung out with friends last night and that was nice. I had too much to drink and acted like an idiot - at least I was in the confines of my home (well most of the time aside from when we were in the restaraunt).

I will be 27. I feel like that is really old, but when I hear about other people being 27 I don't think their old. Strange. Lee, if you're reading this, I am sure you have already thought about all of the cheery little quips about my senior citizen status. Probably something along the lines of "you know, 27 is just a hop, skip, and a jump to 54!"

Enough of this...wah, wah, waaaaaaah... (think Debbie Downer)