Cleaning update

Well, despite my panic earlier in the week, I really didn't get too much accomplished related to cleaning. I did some cursory work on Monday (or was it Tuesday?) night and that was about it. Last night I felt motivated again and popped an old tape in the VCR (The Big Chill) and set about to cleaning the dreaded bedroom. Unfortunately, I had the BRILLIANT idea to rearrange my room. This created an even bigger mess and I am not all that excited about the new placement of my furniture. There are only a limited amount of arrangements the room can sustain as I have two closets and a big window (translation: 3 out of 4 walls are broken up in some way). I woke up this morning and kind of said to myself "D'Oh!" I am planning on making some improvements when I get home this afternoon, but I have a feeling my dad is going to go into some sort of shock when he enters my cluttered abode. Sigh.

Hey

Don't expect Miss Mary Sunshine to make an appearance if you tell me that I look tired and then wonder why I don't thank you for the unwanted comment. It was 7:35 in the morning, forgive me if I don't appear to be bouncing off the walls with joy and happiness. You can sure as hell guarantee that my mood is not going to improve now.

there's a limit

After applying for sainthood (still waiting to hear back from the Vatican) I had to speak to my neighbor this evening about her horrible taste in music and the volume at which she was playing it. I didn't actually dis the music, but I did ask her to turn it down. She was nice about (I'm sure she starts stories with "my crazy upstairs neighbor" or "that bitch that lives above me" - but you can add this fact to the list of things that I couldn't give a crap about). She turned the music down and now I have a running tally of six neighbors that I have told to shut the f*ck up (although in much nicer words). This is another reason I need to get a real job so I can start paying a mortgage on a house that is so far from another human you would need a GPS system to find civilization. I will have the record show that I remained calm and didn't have meltdown. I still see this as another victory.

Things I couldn't give a crap about:

1. Jessica Simpson's interest in adopting a baby or not.
2. The Christian convert who was granted asylum in Italy. Fine. We get it.
3. That creepy Britney Spears giving birth sculpture (ick. double ick)
4. FEMA.
5. George W. Bush and anything that happens in with his administration staff.
6. The obesity pandemic of America. I get it. We're fat.
7. Profanity on television. It's a few curse words. You're children have heard worse. It's an ugly world.

People need to find new things to bitch about. This stuff is ridiculous.

My troubles are over

Everyone can rest assured that they don't need to worry about me anymore. All of my problems have been taken care of. What happened, you ask? Well, yesterday I checked my mail and low and behold I had a wonderful letter in the mail that said that I had just received the gift of Jesus (apparently, He travels through the post office these days - next stop email). Who can resist that message? I pulled everything out of the envelope and there was this extremely creepy picture of (what I assume) was their version of the Jesus. On the bottom of this large piece of paper (approximately the size of one of those posters a tween can get in the latest copy of Tiger Beat) it said "Christian Prayer Rug." On the back it instructed me to kneel on this rug - or if I couldn't kneel - touch the paper to both knees and all my prayers would be answered. Also included were testimonials from two women. One of these most pious of women had won $46,000 and the other was "healed" (from what it never said). My reaction? I'm IN! I'm just gonna get down on my knees and squeeze myself on my new paper rug and make a big ole' wish. The letter also implored me to share this important message with my friends...so, get excited...a prayer rug may be coming your way...

Panic Mode!

I talked to my dad last night and he mentioned that he may come down to visit me this weekend. I would like for him to visit and it will probably be nice to have him around because we don't get a lot of father daughter time, but he should have given me more warning. My apartment is a wreck. No, cross that, it's a total disaster area and it is amazing that I haven't actually lost Teddy in the piles of rubble. It's not dirty, just incredibly messy. Generally, I don't have a lot of people over to my house so I don't have to worry about public ridicule for my slothfulness. Jenny comes over fairly regularly, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't say anything about it. I am currently at work, but I think I am going to make a game plan for digging out. I think I will start in the bedroom because this is the place that I always lose interest in after cleaning the rest of the apartment. Usually, I figure that I can just hide everything in the closet or the far side of the bed (you can't see anything if you place things strategically - or pitch them quickly as I have been known to do). Maybe this time I will actually clean all the rooms (all four of them). Who knows, stranger things have happened.

I'm maturing

Tonight, my downstairs neighbor has been quite loud (well, for me) and has played music and their television quite loud and my anxiety level has stayed pretty low. For those of you who don't know, this is a BIG deal. I believe sainthood could be next. Cross your fingers

Oooookkkkaaaaaayyyyy....

Um, I'm not sure if it's the places I've been hanging out at lately, but I keep seeing people talking to themselves. In this day and age, it is not too unusual to see someone talking to themselves and realize they're just talking on a hands-free headset, but the people I'm talking about are straight up C-R-A-Z-Y. Not only are they carrying on a full a conversation with themselves, but you can tell "someone" is talking back. Hey, I talk to myself from time to time, but I try to refrain from doing it in the presence of other people. A few of these people I have seen are not homeless and seem to hold down steady jobs and still they blab away at nothing (which irks me for several reasons - most of all b/c they have real jobs, but I digress). Am I being too harsh, should I have more tolerance for the wacked in the head? I'm not sure, I shall take this under advisement...

wow. that's unpopular.

Today I read an article that stated that 41% of people polled would not like to go camping with Tom Cruise. The sad part is that the person directly behind this number (39%) was Saddam Hussein. You know how I was referring to rock bottom earlier this week? Well, Tom has hit his.

Different strokes for different folks

I was watching an episode of House Hunters last night and it struck me how different people can be. This episode featured a 24 year-old guy who was about to graduate from college and was interested in purchasing his first home. This, in and of itself, was a bit different from most episodes because they usually feature older couples who tend to have more money. Anyhoo, this guy discussed how he had always wanted to live in a house and had been saving his money since HIGH SCHOOL. I have trouble even saving enough money for a coke later in the workday and this guy is socking away money for a house 6-8 years down the road? That Kenmore box is looking more and more likely - well, that or Jenny's porch.

Beep, beep, beep: Debauchery Ahead.

Tonight (by the time you read this is will be Friday) we will be celebrating Jenny's 72nd B-day. I know what you're thinking - She looks really good for that old. It's true, she sleeps in a cryogenic chamber every night (her and Michael Jackson)...Just kidding....Jenny is 27 and doesn't look a day over 25. We will be having a delicious dinner and then head out to local bars for some naughty behavior. I can't be specific until the evening, but I will hazard to guess that shots, mixed drinks, ibuprofen, and greasy food will be consumed during the evening. Hope everyone is doing well and has a safe weekend. Once again, take a cab. I know I will.

Where'd my blog go?

I'm trying to find it, so bear with this message

Kids, today we have a guest blogger

I have not been feeling too creative today so I have decided to turn the reins of the blog over to someone that has wanted to share his feelings for a long time: Teddy.

Hi everybody! Katie has let me comment officially today, but let's face it - the creative one in this relationship has always been me. Some of you have met me, but several of you haven't so I will give you my description. To say that I'm a handsome fellow is quite the understatement. I have a salt and pepper coat, a bit shaggy (which is hip with the kids these days), ears that are ever so floppy and jaunty, great teeth, and a bright red Dale Jr. collar. I keep slim and trim by running around the apartment and jumping up and down from the couch in my efforts to keep watch over the neighborhood. Some people say I smell, I hate to name names, but we'll call one of my detractors 'Benny.' I prefer to think I have a distinctive aroma, more a cross between rugged male and the outdoors.

I have a pretty phat life. I have to share the bed with Katie at night, but I usually get it to myself during the day. Katie has some pretty lame taste in telly so the Tivo is constantly jumping around from one crap show to the other. Forgive her, she can't help being inherently cheesy. My tastes run more to the Animal Planet and Bravo. Usually I eat once a day, but I don't have much of an appetite. I do have to note that that b*tch (Katie) eats food in front of me all the time and has the audacity to deny me even a lick. All those stories of me sneaking food? True, but now you see why I do it. Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now - I need my beauty sleep. 'Til next time,

Ciao,
Teddy G.

Rock Bottom

I don't usually post so close together, but I feel the need to admit another embarassing fact about my life:

As a result of my Lenten promise, I have taken to drinking other beverages. I'm just not the Darren from Bewitched type (fix myself a martini upon my arrival home from work) so I don't have a lot of liquor in the house. I like something I can open, hear a little hiss, and take a swig. No, I haven't sunk to drinking Wild Irish Rose or Mad Dog 20/20. No, even lower. I have now started drinking:

This

What's next? Where will the madness end. The horror, the horror.

Am I addicted to the internet?

Probably, but I don't care. I don't know about you, but I have certain websites I visit on a daily basis and if I miss them I feel lost. Don't worry, I don't get the DTs or feel extreme depression if can't get to my sites. I thought I would give you a list of the sites I frequent on a daily basis (generally):

Blogs:
Sarah M.
Lora Leigh
Natalie
Matt
Lydia
Lindsey
Katy
Peyton
Susie
Me Rachel
Nalini Singh
Dooce

Sites:
CNN
NASCAR
GMAIL
The Futon Critic
MySpace
People Magazine
Yahoo Games
Yahoo Entertainment News
The Weather Channel
My bank site


I don't really feel bad about my internet habits, but I realize that they're ingrained in my daily routine. Anything you can't miss?

Quarter Life Crisis

I don't want to take credit for the terminology as it was originally Jenny's usage of the quarter life crisis. After giving props to the right person, I am hopping right in to today's topic:

I am still in Nashville and I am dreading heading back to B'ham. It is not because I don't love my own apartment, friends, general way of life in the magic city, but the thought of returning to my job is enough to send me into an eternal despair that I may never escape from. I hate my job. I think this has been clear over the past few months, but I just really need to get that out in the open. I HATE MY JOB. For the most part, I like/love the people I work with and I also like a lot of the people I come in contact with on a daily basis, but I HATE THE PAY AND THE HOURS. I just assumed that after I graduated I would have a job within the first month or two of working, but this is untrue. For the first time in my life, I actually know what I want to do, but there aren't any jobs open for what I want and I am not that interested in moving. The idea of facing endless weeks of the same old same old is almost unbearable and it is absolutely financially DISASTROUS. The thing that I find so distressing is that the days and weeks seem to be moving with turtle like speed, but I also seem to lose track of the time I have spent in this job and I figure I am going to wake up one day and be forty working the same job living on Jenny's porch (and if anyone has seen her porch, this is a bit of a daunting possibility - not her fault, but her Evil Landlord). I just can't move home. Maybe I could live in some sort of halfway home for convicts or special needs people. I think they're about on my speed.

Tomorrow: back to the old ball and chain.

Quote for the day/week: "better living through chemistry"

Just a note

Even though he is on a reality show, Hulk Hogan insists on wearing a fanny pack. Hasn't anyone let him know that this is not a look one should be going for. Or a bleach blonde mustache. Or tight spandex panties. Oh well.

Here's the good news

I am home right now, sitting on the couch in the den watching Storytellers on Vh1 (featuring the BeeGees - discussing how they wrote "Stayin Alive") and I can tell you about the good news that I alluded to earlier this week. My brother asked his girlfriend to marry him tonight and she said yes. I am very happy for the two of them. My brother is a nester. He was meant to get married and have a family, which is good, because people are going to have to hold their breath when it comes to me. The ring is beee-u-t-eee-full. He had a jeweler make it and even guessed the right size. They were meant for each other. Now, comes the less fun part of parties, showers, and the actual wedding. She doesn't have any sisters so I figure my chances of being in the wedding are pretty high. Yip-pee. I'm not into frou-frou or ruffles and that is what weddings tend to be about. In pastels. Jenny and I are hoping to be flower girls, but I'll settle for bartender. Yes, it may be a bit unconventional, but I think I would have a much better time than if I was stuck in an ugly dress with a fake smile pasted on my face (this does not mean that I am unhappy about this turn of events, I just hate dressing up). Maybe she will have a pajama themed wedding?

Hope springs eternal.

Drink Green Beer for me...or any beer for that matter...

I am pleased to report that I am feeling much more positive on this spring morning and not nearly as angry as I was these past few days. I am currently at work, but I am leaving in a couple of hours and hitting the road for my old stomping ground. Let's face it, even when I lived there, I didn't do too much stomping. I will get to see several people I haven't see in a while and I will also see about this good news that I eluded to earlier this week. I hope everyone has a great St. Patrick's Day and a wonderful weekend in general. Be good and take a cab home (if you need one).

I am an angry person. apparently.

For the last couple of days I have been really mad. Not about anything in particular and I have managed to keep most of it to myself, but I am still really pissed. I get annoyed at people when they are doing nothing wrong and I just want to be by myself. I felt better today and I haven't had the same amount of anger, but it is still there. It is quite strange and I hope I am able to refrain from going off on someone. If you are reading this and we are going to be talking in the next few days: don't take anything I say personally. I am heading to Nashville this weekend for some R&R and maybe that will chill me out.

I kind of feel like Napoleon in Napoleon Dynomite:

"Gosh!...Idiot!"