Last one, people...

The finale to our theme week is....:

If you could ask God one question, what would it be?

I would ask God why do bad things happen to good people? I understand that a lot of challenges and problems result in a deeper understanding of life and often make a person better for it. On the other hand, there are lots of things that happen that are unexplainable and seem so pointless. I just want to understand exactly why these things happen. Why children have to die, why old people have to be swindled, why people randomly murder other people, why, why, why?

What about you?

Five People

The fourth question for our theme week is:

When you get to heaven (hopefully) who are the five people you want to meet or see?

1. My mom
2. Teddy Roosevelt (I think he would be interesting to meet and discuss his thoughts about the United States)
3. Fred (my cat who died two and half years ago)
4. Elvis
5. Truman Capote (he seems like he would have been a really fun person early in his career)

That's my five. Who's on your list?

Question Three

Okay, so here's the next question:

How would you like to die?

I would like to go in my sleep. I don't want to suffer or live to be 1,000 years old. A respectable number, like 75 is good. I have not lived the kind of life that gets someone to their 90s. Unless, I am one of those kind of people that "drank a quart of whiskey a day and ate bacon for all three meals - in addition to snacks, of course." Nope, I would like to go when I settle in for a nap after having a few beers and watching a NASCAR race where Dale Jr's great-grandson just won the race. Perfection.

Heaven?

Thanks for everyone participating in yesterday's question. Today's question is:

Do you believe in heaven (or some sort of an afterlife)? If so, what do you think it will be like?

I believe in heaven. I always have in the abstract, but after my mother passed away it became a more cemented belief. Honestly, I have to believe in it. It comforts me to think of her looking down on me (sometimes; other times I'm a little embarrassed). Back in Catholic school, the nuns used to say that heaven was whatever you wanted it to be and I guess I still believe that (they also mentioned a lot about hell, but I digress). I think all the people you want to be in your life will be there (even pets) and that everyone is happy. I hope you can watch after the people you left behind, I think it would be the ultimate soap opera. Plus, I hope that after you die you find out all the things people don't know on earth, such as: who killed Kennedy? Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Where's Natalee Holloway? And lots of other historical things that I don't have time to mention.

Death

This is not supposed to be a depressing theme, but I decided to base questions on before or after you die (many, many, many years from now). And today's question is....:

What is the one place you want to visit before you die?

I am a big ole' redneck in many ways and this is one of them. I want to visit Hawaii before I die. Maybe it was the Brady Bunch taking their big vacation to the big island. I like the fact that the weather is awesome (when a volcano is not erupting) and not too hot. The men are hot and there are resorts and beaches everywhere. I also loved watching the Hawaiian landscape on Magnum P.I. and other television shows (in addition to TBB). Well, that's my place where's yours?

Theme Week: Part II

I have decided that we are going to have a theme week starting Sunday night. I'm not sure what the theme will be, but I think it will be fun. If anyone has suggestions, let me know and I might incorporate your idea. I hope everyone has a fun weekend planned. I am going out with several friends to celebrate my new job, someone purchasing a first home, and a birthday! Sure to be good times. See ya'll next week.

T.C.B.

Ahhh, the eternal phrase of The King (Elvis, who else?): Taking Care of Business. With things looking up on the professional end it has inspired me to meet things a little more head on and try to get some bills and other loose ends taken care of. Today, I called an online credit score agency and told them I wanted to end my membership and I SWEAR this woman (who I doubt was actually residing in the U.S.) would not end my membership. I said at least five times that I wanted her to end my commitment to the company (at $9.95 month) and she just wouldn't do it. I am about to hop on the phone again and try to lay down the law. It was a bit frustrating because I believe that there was a language barrier and the usual telemarketing B.S. Either way, these people have got to let me go. BTW, I found out that if you call 1-888-5-OPTOUT you will no longer receive those damn credit card offers in the mail. I went ahead and had my name taken off the lists that companies use to send out their annoying mail. Start dialing.

Details, details, details...

Here are the facts about the new job:

I will be in a public library about 10 miles from where I live right now. It is in a neighboring county and conveniently located so that I won't have to move and can look toward owning my own place in a few years. I will start the job after Labor Day - I know it's a little while away, but it makes going to my current job a lot easier and will give me some time to prepare. My title is Young Adult Coordinator and this means that I will be managing the department and ordering the materials (umm, hello? Dream come true - buying books with other people's money). I will also go to local schools and talk up the programs that I will help to develop. I will probably work all over the library and meet people of all ages, but YA will be my main focus. This is the kind of job I wanted and I really love YA literature so I think this is a great fit for me. This is the first genuinely good news I have received in a really long time and I can't quite convey my excitement and relief. Ahhhhh.

Just so you know...

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!

Deconstructing 90210

With my summer t.v. schedule being a little weird, I have started recording Beverly Hills, 90210. It appears daily on the Soap Network and three times in the morning on Saturdays. The episodes that are currently appearing during the week are around the time that Dylan and Brenda break-up for the second time and the truth about his affair with Kelly (while Brenda was in Paris) is about to come out. The weekend episodes are during the time that Kelly finds herself addicted to cocaine and Donna is dating some football with a bad heart. I'm not really sure which time period is my favorite, but I am certainly enjoying this blast from the past. As I was vegging on my couch this weekend and watching my three episodes it occurred to me how unintentionally funny this show was. I mean Brandon's parents leave for Japan and GIVE him the house. Heh. I come from the type of family that has one house and when they're done with that one they SELL it to buy the next one. Fabulous beach front condo in L.A. where three unemployed twentysomething's whoop it up? Suuuuuurrrreeee. Over the course of 9.5 years "the gang" experienced arson, drug abuse, rape, more drug abuse, divorce, unplanned pregnancy, a hit and run accident, impossibly old actors playing 12 year olds, and so on.

Just ask

That is the phrase my father would always say to me when I wanted to know something or was confused about things. I have this to be true when referring to your bills and the companies you deal with. They want your business. They will try to keep you from leaving and will work with you to make you happy or at least happier. I called the cable company today and got a $30 reduction in my bill without really losing any of my services. I am quite proud of myself and I think I will apply this new attitude to other areas of my life. I encourage you to call a company you do business with and get them to cut you a deal. What's the worst they can say? No? It's not the first or last time you will hear that in your life.

The BEST Parking Space

I work at an establishment that promotes good health and exercise and I have never seen people stalk the parking lot in a more determined manner. Our parking lot is not large by any means. It is probably a little over half the size of a grocery store lot and you would think that the majority of people that come to burn calories couldn't walk more than 10 feet from their space to the door. They creep up and down the aisles until they eye THE best parking space. They proceed to come inside and hop on a machine for 3 hours or take a spin class that encourages people to practically strap the bike on their back and haul it up Mount Kilimanjaro. The other thing that drives me crazy is the person that reserves an extra 30 minutes to BACK INTO a parking space. If I didn't know better, I would assume these people were preparing for a quick getaway and needed their car to be facing out to cut down on the wasted time of reversing like the rest of the American population.

I'm Lonely....(wah, wah, wahhhh -Debbie Downer theme)

My dad's in Europe, Jenny's in Europe, and my other friend Jenny is gone in Mobile for the rest of the week. I'm working and so is everyone else. I wish people could plan their trips to stagger a bit more. This is just getting ridiculous. I want to call and bitch to my dad about life and he is off living the high life in England while I am wasting away (metaphorically, of course) here in 'bama. Same goes for Jenny and the other Jenny. All by myself...don't wanna be all by myself...anymore...(Bridget Jones did it best).

I think I broke a hip

I just finished playing tennis tonight and had a great time. Unfortunately, I feel like I am 200 years old and need a full joint replacement. Although I said that I "played" tennis I use that term loosely. It was more like being a ball boy with a racquet. We spent more time chasing balls than actually hitting them back and forth. It was only as humid as one imagines being trapped inside of Old Faithful would feel like (sans the scalding steam). At one point I almost did a face plant on the court and hit myself in the jaw with the racquet. As the stars were spinning around my head and I was trying to assess whether I had broken any bones. Thankfully, the only thing bruised was my ego and I got up and played for another hour. I am absolutely stunned by my coordination and natural talent for sports. I really missed my calling as a professional athlete.

Shall I repeat that?

I believe that I have posted about this before, but it bears repeating. People don't listen. They can be standing directly in front of you and nodding their heads and looking interested and have no idea what you are talking about. Everyone is guilty of it, but some people are really bad. I make A LOT of appointments everyday and the number of people who don't listen to me is frustrating and almost comical. My personal favorite is when I say something like "you can either have a lesson at 4 or 6" and the person on the line will respond with "what about 5?." I will say something like "no, I'm sorry, it's either 4 or 6" and they'll say something like "okay, well how about 3?" Another favorite is the 'ask a question and start talking to someone else' move. You try to answer them and they proceed to talk over you to someone else and then get exasperated when you don't tell them what they want exactly when they want it. Ugh. People.

Music

I love all sorts of music. Oldies, metal, punk, rap, pop, some country, classical, etc. The one thing that has ocurred to me over the years is that my generation has some great music, but I don't think it is going to age well. Take music from the 50s and 60s, this is good stuff for aging. You can play it and enjoy it for the nostalgia or for the romance, but our music does not really have this. I love Eminem, but he isn't something that is going to be very cool to be tooling down the road in our 40s and 50s. Ludacris? Sean Paul? Hilary Duff? Rancid? Kelly Clarkson? I could go on and on. Is it just me, or do you find it hard to imagine people looking back on our music as a golden age?

Summer Slump

Recently, every night when I get home from work and check out the offerings that Tivo has it occurs to me that I need to find some new "go to" shows in the slow summer months. There are several strong contenders, but I believe that I have found several worthy programs that are sure to lower my I.Q. points and make me a more shallow person. And the winners are (drum roll please):

My Fair Brady
Hogan Knows Best
The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
The Simple Life: 'Til Death Do Us Part

Take a moment to process these fine, intellectual shows and realize the bankruptcy of American television culture. Why do I like these shows? Well, they're not reruns and have their own special qualities...for example:

I enjoy watching the sheer futility of Peter Brady and Model-Girl try to make a marriage out of a totally dysfunctional relationship. Plus, they're into leather. Hulk Hogan wears a fanny pack. All the time. His children are not all that talented, but think they are. They all have the same color hair. As for the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, I like this show because she is ridiculous and looks like some sort of blow-up doll (with the creepy lips). Kathy Griffin is genuinely funny and is honest about her struggle to remain on the fringe of celebrity. She lowers herself and admits it. She even admitted she would do a snuff film if they met her quote (she did note that it could only be one time). I can't explain the Paris and Nicole thing, I just like watching this really bad show.

Bed and Covers Hog

I don't know how he manages it, but every night Teddy is either hogging the bed or the covers. I have not slept in a bed with a real live human in so long that any memory of how it is to actually be in competition for space is a distant (and lost) memory. I don't think I will ever be able to have any overnight guests with Teddy around anyways. Technically I have a queen size bed, but with his maneuvering it is like being perched on something akin to a twin. He manages to lie on the covers in such a way that I wake up shivering in the middle of the night and the "little prince" is snug as bug (maybe even a little too warm). I find myself clinging to the very edge of the bed as he stretches out diagonally. If I try to move him he goes limp like a protester and growls (he hates to be disturbed during his beauty rest). He only weighs about twenty pounds and is probably about 1.5 ft long, but I swear he takes up the same amount of space as a Great Dane. Hell, I'm probably going to be forced to move to the couch to get some peace. Of course, he wakes up refreshed and eager for his morning constitutional while I drag myself from bed looking like the swamp thing. I fear for my neighbors eyesight when I emerge from my lair into the glare of early morning sunlight.

I'm going to quit talking about employment

I keep jinxing myself. I am not saying a word until I know something for sure, because I just can't stand the disappointment. I will try to post something interesting in the next couple of days, but I just don't have it in me today.

The enemy you know

Here's the thing: my enemy is the scale. It has been for as long as I can remember. For the past year and half it has consumed me. It compounds everything everything else that goes wrong in my life. I berate myself for my failure to control my eating and weight. All of this has brought me to tonight, June 4th, 2006. I got on the scale and saw a number that I have never seen before and am determined to never see again. It almost took my breath away when I saw it. It is a culmination of my unconscious living for so many months. I guess what I am getting at is that I am finally awake. I have disrespected myself far more than anyone else ever could.

It stops today.

Anticipation

I love looking forward to things. I am the queen of delayed gratification. If I can put off something good I will do it. Jenny is pretty much the opposite which works out really well. This usually means that the two of us can be waiting for something and she always go first and I'll go second. Just like I like it. This is why when I am following Weight Watchers I will save up most of my points and eat the majority of them at night. Flex points? I save them for the end of the week. You would think with all of this saving I would be better with money, but I just can't make this quality translate into all areas of my life. In few hours I am going to head to the grocery store and shop for points friendly foods. I am at the end of my rope with the weight thing and if I'm not careful I will soon be wearing one of those "forceflex" trash bags (you know, the kind where they show it fitting around a house or something of comparable size). So here's to me and to anyone else trying to accomplish something for the summer.

The weekend is already here

It seems weird to me that it is already Friday. I didn't get back to work until Wednesday so it has totally thrown me off for the rest of the week. Now, it is Friday and it feels like the middle of the week. I have to work tomorrow, so that will also make me more confused. Other than that, I really don't have anything else to talk about today. Oh, on my way home from Nashville I saw a gas station sign that advertised "dazzling restrooms." I found this to be quite interesting. I mean, I'll take "clean" but "dazzling" makes you wonder just what is in these fantastic bathrooms. Some sort of spa retreat in the Chevron? I guess I should have stopped to investigate.

Are you new around here?

This is what I feel like saying to people that I see at work or just around town. It just seems like some people have just arrived on earth and have never seen how ANYTHING works. Examples?

My personal favorite is when people come to where I work and scan their cards to check in. Inevitably there are several people that put it under the scanner with the bar code facing AWAY from the scanner light. ugh. Have you ever been to a grocery store? Practically every consumer product has a scan bar and these people act like they are totally unfamiliar with our extremely high-tech, complex, self check-in system. Sometimes I just yank their keys out of their hands and scan it myself or politely inform them to flip the card over or let them know that our system does not recognize their library card or grocery store card. Go figure.