so bad it's good

I love things that are soooooo bad their good. Movies, television shows, books, etc. What brings this on? Several nights ago I was up late (shocking!) and noticed that Twister was on. It had been several years since I had seen this movie gem. I remember seeing this movie with my friend Casey and thinking it was quite entertaining (note, I did not use the word "good"). The other night while watching it I noticed the obvious special effects, fake looking tornadoes, and the absolutely stunning dialogue between Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton. It kind of reminded me of the conversations that journalists have about the weather, but even worse. You know highly dramatic, overstating the obvious, and the usual clever quips in times of danger. After watching this I have created my top five "so bad their good" things:

1. Twister
2. Elvis and Me by Priscilla Presley - Virginia Woolf, she is not (still love the t.v. movie)
3. Southern accents in movies and television (exception is Kyra Sedgwick in The Closer on TNT)
4. Gigli - Yeah, I know, it's an obvious choice. If you haven't seen it run, don't walk to rent it.
5. Watching Carson Daly trying to interview anyone on his show. So painful, so awkward, so good.

Not exactly right, but close...

You are a Social Liberal (63% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (35% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

I like taking online quizzes. Some of the questions were a bit difficult to answer, but it is fairly accurate.

Good Deeds

I've been rather unhappy as of late and I am not sure how to cheer myself up. One idea I have had is doing good deeds. I'm not talking about earth shattering types of things, but just little stuff. For example, today I gave a girl a dollar because she didn't have enough money to get out the parking deck. Now, I know this is not really a big deal, but I am sure it made her life a little easier for the day. I have several friends who do nice things for other people without thinking about it and I want to be more like them. Maybe if I practice doing good things I will do it naturally. Hmm. Worth a thought.

Top Ten Things I Would Like to See Disappear from the Face of the Earth

(In no particular order - feel free to add your own)

1. The Pussycat Dolls and their song "Don't 'Cha."
- For obvious reasons these women need to vaporize. I also believe the song should be revamped to say "Don't 'cha wish your girlfriend was a slut like me."
2. Vin Diesel
- His truly terrible acting is taking quite a toll on this country. I am also pretty sure he is the reason that natural disasters and pestilence seem to be plaguing this world.
3. Size 0
- It just doesn't make any sense. By being a size zero it implies that the person wearing such a garment fails to exist.
4. Hummers
- It seems to be some sort of attempt for someone (I tend to think male) to prove how big their penis is. It's not working. Why exactly does one need a vehicle that the Army uses in warfare and for extremely rough terrain. The roughest place these people are taking their Penis Replacement is the Bass Pro Shop.
5. 24-hour News Networks
- All they do is make people obsess about bad sh*t even though life is bad enough. See my previous post as an example of my disdain.
6. Construction Zones where there is no construction
- No real need to explain this. It is absolutely infuriating. There is nothing wrong with the lane so why is the speed limit 13 mph?
7. France/the French
- I have never been a big fan. Historically (18th-21st centuries respectively) they are a wash out. Whiney. Sore Losers. Troublemakers. Snobby. And they definitely suffer from a major case of amnesia (WWII and Vietnam, anyone?). Plus, there food isn't all that good.
8. Pippies (thanks Katy C. - this has become a catchphrase)
- Patchouli, earth tones, mindless protest, etc. I am not against protest, per se, but you have to stand for something that means something. Standing on a street corner with a sign that says "Peace" means nothing. Peace where? when? why? Specify please.
9. Delivery Charges
- I am buying something from you and you dare charge me for the experience. Not gonna happen. From now on I say we all refrain from paying people to take even more of our money. WTF.
10. People who are on the extreme left or right of the political spectrum
- If they only knew how alike they really are...

Don't Pretend You Don't Love It

I have been watching CNN nonstop. For some reason I find their coverage of Hurricane Rita very interesting. The one thing that drives me nuts about all of the 24 hour news agencies is their incessant description of "worst case scenarios" and describing the results of the past few hurricanes as "The Wrath of (fill in your hurricane name here)". The title of the post refers to the fact that these reporters thrive on situations like these. They love it! Let me provide you with an example:
(sample, fictional, transcript of an "on the spot" reporter's view of the inclement weather):

Aaron Brown: Anderson? Are you still with us?
Anderson Cooper: Yes, Aaron I'm here (bracing himself in the wind, sometimes with his right hand over his ear)
**The following is what I imagine reporters would say if they weren't constrained by human decency and the FCC**
AB: The rain sure is coming down where you are
AC: No sh*t, Sherlock. Didn't you just see that sheet metal hit me upside the f*cking head?!
AB: Describe the conditions to the audience if you can

AC: Well, considering you are in a warm studio, basically the opposite of what you are experiencing. You have to wonder who would stay behind in this weather (aside from money grubbing CNN "journalists"). Right now we are feeling gusts of approximately 300+ mph. Might as well be in a wind tunnel. I am a dumbass for being in this kind of motherf*cking storm.
AB: I know, I wouldn't be caught dead in this storm. Which executive's wife did you screw to get this sh*tty detail?
AC: I'm not sure, but someone wants me dead.
AB: Farewell, Anderson, Farewell.

--Just my imagination. I would pay money to see this actually happen on t.v.

Motherf*cker

I love this word. I know it's crude, unbecoming, unladylike, inaccurate (in most cases), obscene, etc. Although I know this, I love to say this word. Not in front of small children, the elderly, or easily offended, but I enjoy using it in a variety of ways. Sometimes I sandwich it between other words (stupid motherf*cking jackass) or just as a plain expletive (Motherf*cker!), as a question (what the f*ck, motherf*cker?), and my personal favorite as an observation of something bad or to express awe (motherf*cker. You must say this slowly and with a lot of emphasis). For any0ne who has been around me, you know that I curse like a sailor on shore leave. I'm not exactly proud of this quality (again I ask myself - why hasn't some guy snapped me up yet?) nor am I particularly ashamed of it. I don't curse in professional or school settings and I actually do know how to speak properly, but I find that "motherf*cker" is a versatile word. I realize that my father would be proud of this post and my mom must be rolling at this moment. Oh well. I must admit that neither of my parents use(d) this word, I don't exactly come from a curse free home...

Do you have a favorite curse word? Something you say when you are frustrated?

Check out various definitions and uses of this word

p.s. why the asterik for the "u"? - can't explain it. I love to say it, but don't like to see it in print. Same with sh*t.

I've said it before, but...

I've become my father.

A Case of WTF. I have had a moment of being my father this evening. I wanted Tivo and since I don't have a land line I can't get it. Extreme sadness ensued, but I decided to try and get similar service through the ole' cable company. I called Charter tonight and asked them about getting DVR and they said that they would be "happy" to arrange that and I said "great!" Renting the DVR every month would cost $9.99/month and the service is $6.99/month. Since I figured this would be a temporary thing ('til I actually have money and a land line) I was okay with paying an extra $17 per month. Then the lady told me there would be a "trip" charge for delivering the DVR which would set me back $26 buckaroos. I was like "um, what?" She said that it was a standard charge and I told her that with the DVR service I would be paying over $100 a month and they wanted me to pay for bringing the DVR to my house so that I could increase my bill????!!! Whatever. I told her that I wouldn't pay it. It was like charging someone to deposit money in their own account and that it was a deal breaker. She said she would talk to her supervisor and try to see what could be done. I waited awhile and she came back on the line to tell me that I would indeed have to pay the fee. I told her no thanks. I will do without before I will allow this "travshamockery" to take place. Do they not realize that they would have recouped their "trip" charge within two months of my service??? Now I am not going to get their stupid DVR for the sheer principle. In the not too distant past I would have sucked it up and paid the fee, but it is ridiculous to pay for something that literally costs them nothing. I would have waited until they had to come to my side of town to do repairs or some such nonsense to get my recorder - oh, but no - they are going to enforce some dumbass delivery fee. Ahhhh, Ken G. would be proud!

Magical Powers

Today, I told Jenny I had magical powers. I was clearly kidding, but I was just patting myself on the back for being able to do something difficult. She informed me that if I did have magical powers that she could not be my friend anymore. Don't worry, she doesn't have some weird thing about the occult, she just wants to have magical powers. I believe she has said numerous times that if she finds out there are really Muggles in this world and she is part of that group she "will be sooooo pissed." Scan back to the post I did concerning graduate school and your ideal job, I believe she mentioned that she would like to be a magician (you know, the real kind, like Harry Potter). Anyhoo, long explanation but I would like to know, if you could have a magical power what would it be? After the car accident I have wished several times this week that I could go back in time and kick my own ass (and not take an ill advised ride). Upon further review I think I would rather be able to turn all delicious food into calorie free fare and make the time spent working out seem like it goes by in split second.

I want you to think about it and get back to the blog. Come on, be clever!

Update

Sorry for not posting for the past several days. To make an extremely long and painful story short, Jenny, Sara, and I were in a car accident on Sunday morning and I have been in Nashville recuperating. I'm fine, just banged up and sore, no need to worry. I will post more interesting things in the coming week, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. Check back soon!

Well!

Over the past several days (closing in on weeks), I have been staying up quite late - note the time on the post - and it is amazing what one can do with their time during the wee hours of the morn. Part of my problem is I have On Demand cable and can watch most programs when I want and am never lacking for quality programming. When I am surfing around on the computer I click on the button you will find at the top of this page that allows you to browse through other blogs. There are all sorts of people out there and many of them have decided to share their thoughts, feelings, interests, and idiosyncrasies with the world. My emotions while perusing such sites range from amused, angry, appalled, perplexed, confused, and sadness. There are a lot of really unhappy people out there. Hmmm. I hope when people stumble across my blog they are amused or confused. I'm not really going for much beyond that.

Promoting insanity to sell products

I have several mottos in life such as:
1.) Don't buy food from Big Lots - I love their deals on name brand stuff, but discounted food scares me
2.) When choosing between Wal-Mart and Target, Target always wins
3.) Beer before liquor - never sicker, liquor before beer - in the clear
4.) Don't trust a lawyer with the last name Hustler (I saw the commercial, it exists)
5.) Never shop at stores where the owner is promoted as being mentally unstable, which brings me to the subject of this post:

Why do people use the adjectives "crazy" or "insane" in an attempt to sell you stuff? Crazy Bill's Fireworks? ugh-uh. I am not buying any dangerous, flammable materials from a man who is so open about his insanity. While in Bristol, Jenny and I came across a place of business called "Crazy Cooters Auto Repair." I will not be frequenting this place for two reasons: the crazy part and also a new addition to the motto list - don't buy things from one named "Cooter." I decided to do a nationwide yellow pages search to investigate how often people use this selling technique. Here were my results:

Over 2,000 results including
- Crazy Jane's, Crazy Bill's, Crazy Dave's, Crazy Bucks, Crazy Jay's, and my personal favorite Crazy Dick's

now using the word "insane"
- Only one by name (Insane Irving's), but 64 results overall

finally using the word "looney"
- over 200 results, several of which were the names of lawyers -no comment on that

Just a little something for you to think about :)

Lucy update

This week Lucy Goosey is sporting a lovely outfit. She has a blue and white ruffled dress, red beret, and a couple of school books at her side. The sign next to her says "school days." Too cute. Sorry I didn't report last week, but she spent a couple of days naked (shocking!). One outfit she did have on was an Auburn football jersey and helmet - a bit of crossdressing, but we're an open-minded type of neighborhood.

As far as I can tell, Teddy is doing fine and back to getting into mischief. I'm glad. I prefer that over watching him in pain. I made a promise to God that I would never bring m&m's into the house again if Teddy would get better. So I guess I will only get to eat them at locations away from home. I will have to make sure all of my chocolate is put away as he has obviously developed quite taste for the stuff. Can't blame him 'cause it's quite tasty.

By the way, since I haven't figured out how to do links I did want ya'll to check out this blog. I think it is cute.

I'm Exhausted

Today started out okay, but it was sh*t by the end. Teddy ate a bag of those new mega m&m's and he got really sick and I had to take him to the vet. His heartbeat was all over the place and they gave him medicine to make him throw-up and then gave him more to make him stop and then they gave him something to soothe his stomach. All of these were shots and he was pretty excited to get out of the vet. I got him home and within 30 minutes he was in pain and couldn't get comfortable and kept howling and was really miserable. I brought him back to the vet to figure out what was wrong and they couldn't pin point it, but they think it was all of the shots they gave him and they may have hit a nerve. They gave him a painkiller and he is sacked out right now. If I wasn't so freaked I could reflect on the humor of my stoned dog trying to walk around the apartment. Now I am a basket case and will probably get very little sleep tonight and I am heading to school tomorrow and I am afraid it is something worse with Teddy and the painkiller is only masking the real problem. Ahhhhh! He's my little buddy and I just don't know what I would do without him. :( :( :(

what to do with the toothbrush?

(Some of this post pertains to an inside joke, so I will fill you in: there is a cable television network called Trio. They play random programs and a lot of it refers to pop culture. Every once in a while they play a documentary entitled "Texas Teen Virgins." No, this is not a porn film, it is review of the Texas policy of teaching only abstinence in school and other people who are encouraging kids to remain chaste. There was one minister who compared virginity to a toothbrush in a box and how when a person has sex it is like they have become a used toothbrush (ick). A person is able to claim a second virginity by putting the toothbrush back in the box. Jenny and I decided that there must be a St. Toothbrush and this is how that phrase came about.)

I am on a man sabbatical.

I have been on said sabbatical since late April. I declared the summer of 2005 drama free and that meant avoiding entanglements with guys. Apparently my plan is starting to backfire. Jenny and I hang out a lot. We always joke that it would be easier if we were lesbians, but unfortunately, we're attracted to men. Oh well. Several people have interpreted our hanging out a lot to us being gay. Well, namely me. Last week at the race, I was wearing a camo NAPA hat and apparently this is the international gay bat signal. Great. Last night I was at Jenny's new apartment and one of the people doing construction on the apartment above her asked me to tell Jenny something and said "aren't you Jenny's sister?" I told him no and he said "Well, are you Jenny's (hand motion from side to side) you know?" I said "I'm her friend." Good Lord. Apparently I have moved from the sabbatical to the front row of a Melissa Etheridge concert. The toothbrush needs to get out of the box. I'm starting to feel like this. Nothing rash, but maybe I need to reenter the romance department. Hmmm. Anyone have suggestions? Toothbrush in box or somewhat out?

Patchouli is not deodorant

FYI, for anyone suffering under this delusion. I have become ultra sensitive to the scent combination of patchouli and body odor. Certain people who shall remain nameless (starts with an "h", ends with an "e" and sounds like "pippie") have been using this "fragrance" as a shower substitute for years. I remember as a teenager I used to love the smell of patchouli, but as I got older it became clear to me that this scent is being abused. Truly it's not patchouli's fault. I just don't know where its misuse came from. Sorry to rant, but I think this is something worth mentioning. Say it with me class, "Patchouli bad, soap good"

(Don't I sound like a grumpy 70 year-old?)

Dear Lord, I have become my father.

No laughing matter

I usually post about things I think are funny or make observations about weird stuff that happens to me, but I just couldn't today. My cable and internet access have been out for days since the storm and I kept hoping it would come back on so I could watch the news and see new developments. Well, the cable and internet are back and I now realize that it may have been better when I didn't have the ability to see what was happening. It is extremely scary to see what is happening less than four hours away (or used to be that short of a drive) and how desperate the situation has become and how it continues to deteriorate. Aside from my immediate family, most of my relatives live in various cities in Louisiana. They are located in Slidell, Baton Rouge, Monroe, Natchitoches, and surrounding smaller towns and I can only imagine what is happening. It seems a bit apocolyptic. I'm not all that spiritual, but I will be concentrating prayers their way and I hope ya'll keep them in your thoughts.

On another related note, I find the dichotomy of human behavior in this situation fascinating and horrifying. People are gathering together to help evacuees and provide essentials to them and provide aid in various ways. People are also looting, firing at air ambulances, shooting police officers and jacking up prices on water, food, and gas. It is good to see people offering help out of the kindness of their hearts, but that observation is tempered by the other side of human nature. I hope that the good in people overcomes the bad. Okay, enough depressing thoughts for now.