how low can you go?

I was just reading a little more about the Drew Peterson case - you know, the scumbag police officer who is accused of killing his third and fourth wives. Well, it has got me wondering...what do these women see in him? When he was arrested for killing his third wife they showed a picture of his current fiancée and she is cute and really young. Is it some sort of daddy complex? Are they so lacking in self esteem that some guy in his 50s (to your early 20s) seems like a prime catch? Oh and did I mention that his third wife "accidentally" drowned in a bathtub with no water and his fourth wife suddenly up and left leaving her two kids behind? Where do I sign up for Mr. Right? Clearly, I have been looking in the wrong places for a significant other. I need to start scouring the newspapers for men under a cloud of suspicion for killing their domestic partners. I am just too picky I guess. I so find felonies unattractive.

If you are...

Going to have a vanity license plate then it should make sense. I was behind a truck the other day and it was a University of Alabama tag and the letters were "RBLKWD"

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? I just don't know.

You gotta know when to fold 'em

We are certainly watching the news about the hurricane down here. All my family, with the exception of my dad and brother, live in Louisiana. They rebuilt after Katrina, but they left before the storm. I just read this article on cnn.com and it frustrates me. First off, the title is inaccurate. They can leave, they just choose not to. There are plenty of free ways to get out of the city. The guy who is a busboy? Um, I might be naive, but this is not exactly a New Orleans only job. The woman who doesn't want to sit in her car with her dogs is just ridiculous. How is she going to feel if her home is flooded and she can't keep them safe? My family is out and north and I hope these people make the wise decision to get out as well.

Born in the sticks

Today, I was watching Sunset Tan - a craptacular "reality" show - and made several observations. Let me set the scene for you: Apparently the Tan Convention '08 was held in Nashville and the gang from Sunset Tan took off in their private plane from L.A. to the boondocks of Nashville. I describe it as the boondocks because of all the bitching and moaning people were doing. They partied at one of the nicest hotels in Nashville and then headed to a ranch (we actually call them farms out this way, but whatever) outside of town. One girl hated it so much because of the bugs and woods and I guess lack of tanning equipment that she had to leave. Based on their assessment I have decided to include details about several things I must have done while I was in Nashville last week (based on the country living that is to be had there).

Once arriving at the homestead I greeted Ma and Pa with a hearty hug and a dinner of collards and homemade biscuits. After settin' a spell, I got to a'workin' on my chores and then got straight to bed at 5:30. I got myself out of bed at 4:30 and ....ok. Enough.

The more I listened to these spoiled people bitching and the banjo music playing in the background, the more irritated I got. I have to admit that I don't spend my time just a pickin and a grinnin at home. The funny thing is that I have always considered myself a city girl. I guess I was just raised in the country and didn't know it.

It's not rocket science

I have been blessed (or cursed depending on how you look at it) with scanning technology at the last two jobs I have had spanning 2000-present. You know, a laser scanner that you might see someone using in the grocery store or Wal-mart. Why is it that people of all walks of life just can't master this apparently baffling piece of technology? I have spent the past seven years observing people not using the common sense that I hope God gave them. Both jobs allowed members/patrons to scan their own card (you know - the old key chain cards) and either check-in (at the gym) or check out books. Here are the ways people fail to use this easy device:

1. the laser line is horizontal and they hold their card vertically - imagine a + sign. It's just not going to work, people.
2. in their panic to get the scanner to beep they furiously wave the card back in forth at warp speed and usually throw their card down and proclaim the "damn thing" "broken"
3. a surprising number of people fail to even attempt to match the laser line to the barcode at all. It takes all the restraint I have in me not to wack them up side the head and say "seriously? You have NEVER seen how this works? On which planet do you reside?"
4. Or my personal favorite: the person who looks at the self check or the scanner and they throw their hands up and proclaim that it looks too hard and couldn't you just do it for them? That I believe is more telling of the state of our country than anything else.

Environmentally conscious yuppies

I witnessed a woman clambering down from her bohemoth of an SUV and grab a woven basket and take it into the grocery store (I assume to save plastic bags?) I happened to leave the store at the same time and noticed that she had her oh-so-politically-correct-basket in her cart perched atop...a flat of 30 water bottles. Ah. The irony.

P.S. would you believe that I drove to the store in my fuel efficient Honda Civic, gladly received my groceries in plastic bags and will add them to the collection of bags here at the apartment that will make their way to be recycled?

That's it.

California should have its justice system disbanded and jury trials farmed out to other states. If you can't manage to find Phil Spector guilty of murder, then you officially lose your privileges. I'm sorry if it is a little far fetched for me to believe that some woman would come to his house and as a result of being depressed kill herself in the foyer. Come on, people. I certainly will not mention another trial that has been in the news lately, but I think we all know of which I'm referring.

It isn't true.

I got an email that was similar to what I am about to print, but I think some of us need a reminder.

No one in Nigeria, Iraq, North Korea, or other places around the world are going to give you money if you just send them a couple of grand to get the money out. There is no store of money with your name on it after helping such an honest person. This is a scam. Do not open these emails. Just delete

Bill Gates is not going to give you $249.56 for forwarding an email. If he was he wouldn't be a BILLIONAIRE. Unless you are applying to the Gates Foundation you will never see a penny of his money

You will not experience an ever increasing amount of bad luck if you don't forward a poem or chain email to people. Don't send me this sh*t or I will bring you some bad luck...

Basically, if there is some email, letter, phone call, or any other sort of communication that threatens you, promises you lots of money, or tries to get you to bother other people, then it's not true.

Okay, I feel better.