how low can you go?

I was just reading a little more about the Drew Peterson case - you know, the scumbag police officer who is accused of killing his third and fourth wives. Well, it has got me wondering...what do these women see in him? When he was arrested for killing his third wife they showed a picture of his current fiancée and she is cute and really young. Is it some sort of daddy complex? Are they so lacking in self esteem that some guy in his 50s (to your early 20s) seems like a prime catch? Oh and did I mention that his third wife "accidentally" drowned in a bathtub with no water and his fourth wife suddenly up and left leaving her two kids behind? Where do I sign up for Mr. Right? Clearly, I have been looking in the wrong places for a significant other. I need to start scouring the newspapers for men under a cloud of suspicion for killing their domestic partners. I am just too picky I guess. I so find felonies unattractive.

Baffling

Hanging around my family reminds me that there is a strong contingent of people that really loathe Obama. Most of my friends (except you, AEC) are pretty big supporters of our president and breathed a sigh of relief when he won the election. I had to listen to several family members discuss how he is a Socialist and he is trying to tax people to death and all of those wonderfully enlightening things that Fox News (Fair and Balanced, people - if you say it, it's got to be true) spouts off about. One of my favorite family members also said that like her granddaughter, I will change my mind when I "grow up." Talk about mixed messages. Everyone says that I need to be more responsible now that I have hit 30 and that all my good years are behind me (usually from the people younger than me) and now I hear that I am still waiting to grow up. I tried to be nice - since she is a favorite - and noted that I am eight years older than her granddaughter and I can think for myself. Aaargghh.

Treating myself

I have been on quite the shopping extravaganza the last few days...I got my haircut and colored ($135) got Teddy's haircut ($48 - can you believe that!) and I bought an iPhone! I was going to be sensible and not succumb to the need boiling inside of me for something to replace my iTouch, but when I didn't get anywhere with VERIZON WIRELESS again I decided to just throw in the towel and head for greener pastures. Luckily for me, the AT&T store was just a few paces down the road and I was steamed enough to just throw caution to the wind and buy one. As you have probably already imagined....I love it. I can't wait to take it home and sync it with my computer. (I'm in Nashville at the moment) Such a nerd. I will be keeping this one with me at all times and I will have a net tracker on the b*tch to make sure no one runs off with it!

Happy Memorial Day and I hope everyone is enjoying a relaxing few days off from work!

Oh, Yes, Hugh Jackman

This past weekend I went to see Wolverine with the roommie. I have wanted to see it ever since I saw the trailer where he emerges from the water all sorts of naked and muscle-y. The movie was full of eye candy and it didn't disappoint. In terms of a storyline it was no Iron Man and certainly no Dark Knight. That's okay, I wasn't really expecting a cinematic masterpiece. I think the next movie I am going to see is Star Trek. I believe hell hath frozen over because I would never have predicted that I would have an interest in anything having to do with Spock or Kirk. Just not my thing. My first cousins on my mom's side are big Trekkies and I could never understand it. The unattractive outfits, the elf ears, the strange hand gesture that I have to concentrate to make...eh, I never really got it. Now that Chris Pine has come on the scene, I believe I can get on board. He is one fine looking gentleman. I would love to be in a Hugh Jackman/Chris Pine sandwich. The only problem with that would be the gay vibe. I mean, would they start hooking up with each other? Not cool. Maybe I should just look at them as two separate pieces of cake that need to be consumed on different days. Hmmm. Ponder, ponder, ponder.

Yes, people, this is what I think about.

Here are the many things

That I could give a flying f*ck about

Rhianna and Chris Brown - two people who are too young with too much money

Swine Flu - if it gets you it gets you

Lindsay Lohan - she's just sad and lost

People complaining about taxes - I would rather my tax money go to "socialist" causes than a pointless war without an end

American Idol - Please, Jesus, make it stop. It is like a bad penny. It just keeps coming back

Twitter - get on it or don't, but quit talking about it like it is the second coming

Alright, I am feeling a bit like Eeyore, so I best get myself to bed.

Best Business Practices

About a week and a half ago I dropped my phone on the pavement. It was open at the time and I looked it over and it seemed fine. I dialed my brother's number and put the phone to my ear, but I didn't hear anything. It soon dawned on me that something was wrong with the phone. After a little experimentation, I realized the phone would only work on speakerphone. Now almost 14 days later it continues to do this, but intermittently. Sometimes it works like it should and sometimes not, but there is no predicting. I took the phone to VERIZON WIRELESS and the lady was very nice and suggested that the problem could be that I hadn't updated my phone and the data was outdated. I tried to explain that it wasn't a data issue but a mechanical one. She said that it didn't really matter. I still had to do the update and needed to demonstrate what was wrong with the phone. Remember the intermittent part? Um, yeah. A little hard to predict when the phone will work or won't. My option? Nothing. She told me that they couldn't replace, repair, or generally do anything until I am due to get a new phone in November. NOVEMBER. I kindly asked her when my prison sentence would be up with VERIZON WIRELESS (and then I speculated that 2012 sounded about right). As it turns out I will be paroled in March but if I want to get out of my contract before that they will expect me to pay a penalty of approximately $34,000,000 - give or take a few zeros. So if I talk to any of you on the phone just remember that the conversation is potentially being monitored by anyone that happens to be in the vicinity.

Seriously?

If you are a facebook friend, you have probably already seen this, but my beloved iPod Touch was absconded with. Someone stole it. I am so f*cking mad, it is unreal. I think I know who did it, too. There were these two kids in the department I work in at the library and I left my desk and when I came back it was gone. You know what makes me so mad about this whole thing, though? I worked for that piece of technology. I spent my money on it and now it is gone. I follow all the rules and then some worthless person walks off with MY property. WTF? I changed my pw on gmail and on facebook, so hopefully they won't be able to access my personal info. I hope. I hope they are playing with the motherf*cker and they wander into traffic. So now I have to decide if I am going to buy another one. Probably. It's like someone cut off my reliable connection to heroin. Sh*t.

People, let me tell you about my best friend...

So the trouble with the title of this blog is that I don't have one. Now that is not to say that don't have really good friends, but they all have someone else. For the last year or so I have been feeling quite lonely. It is what finally encouraged me to do the whole online dating thing and just generally bitch about my state of affairs - or lack there of. Tonight I was walking Teddy and just pondering the whole subject and I realized that I have always had a best friend. Someone that I spent quite a lot of time with and we just hung out all the time. This gets to the tricky part of this post. I am not going to name names, but if you think part of this post is about you you're probably right. So, to begin, let's trace the trajectory of my bfs over the last three decades. I had one main bestie from early childhood to high school. There were other people who I was very close to at the time as well, but one person in particular. Off to college - freshman year I had a new bestie, sophomore and junior year I had another, senior year up to about a year or two ago I had another bff. Now, everyone has moved on to better, more fulfilling things and I am still here. It makes me sad. I don't know how to go from here. Oh I still have some great people in my life, but the circle keeps shrinking and it feels like I'm truly going to be alone. I can't tell you how depressing that is. I just don't know what to do. I wish I could go back in time and prepare my 15, or 20, or 25 year old self for this because it sucks. I always feared being alone and I guess that was a self-fulfilling prophecy, huh? Ain't it a bitch.