Monday, March 24, 2008

Another one of those posts that I should delete

Why should I delete it? Partly because some of what I am going to allude to involves people who read this blog periodically. Oh well. I have felt this one brewing for a while, but I didn't really know how to express it or even if I wanted to.

I'm lonely. I am lacking in human contact. I have friends and I see them pretty frequently, but I don't have a person to share things with. This has come more to a head because it seems like Noah's Ark around here (two by two if you get the analogy) and I'm left out. Sometimes I withdraw myself from these friends because I don't want to be the third wheel. I don't want them to think that I am so sad and pathetic that I will have nothing else to do. I think I might be overly sensitive and they probably don't feel that way, but I would hate for them to ever feel this way. It was just be unbearable humiliating. I guess it just makes me sad that I am missing out on an important part of life. Unfortunately, I really don't know how to remedy this. There is a part of me (a pretty big part) that figures that there is just something inherently wrong with me and that is the reason I am destined to be alone. I know this sounds melodramatic, but it really is how I feel.

Sad, but true: someone told me I was gorgeous this weekend and I had to ask who he was talking to even though the only other person around was Roach. Boy, if that doesn't put my state of mind in perspective nothing will.


Susie said...

We should get together. I am in your boat...which means, I suppose, we aren't entirely alone!

katie g. said...

True. I know I'm not alone, it just feels like it, ya know? Don't worry, though - I haven't really been feeling down despite how the post sounds.

K8E said...

I'm right there with you on this. And the sad thing is, I know I'm mostly to blame. The older I get the harder it is to let someone in to the inner sanctium (so to speak) of my insane life.