Monday, March 24, 2008

Another one of those posts that I should delete

Why should I delete it? Partly because some of what I am going to allude to involves people who read this blog periodically. Oh well. I have felt this one brewing for a while, but I didn't really know how to express it or even if I wanted to.

I'm lonely. I am lacking in human contact. I have friends and I see them pretty frequently, but I don't have a person to share things with. This has come more to a head because it seems like Noah's Ark around here (two by two if you get the analogy) and I'm left out. Sometimes I withdraw myself from these friends because I don't want to be the third wheel. I don't want them to think that I am so sad and pathetic that I will have nothing else to do. I think I might be overly sensitive and they probably don't feel that way, but I would hate for them to ever feel this way. It was just be unbearable humiliating. I guess it just makes me sad that I am missing out on an important part of life. Unfortunately, I really don't know how to remedy this. There is a part of me (a pretty big part) that figures that there is just something inherently wrong with me and that is the reason I am destined to be alone. I know this sounds melodramatic, but it really is how I feel.

Sad, but true: someone told me I was gorgeous this weekend and I had to ask who he was talking to even though the only other person around was Roach. Boy, if that doesn't put my state of mind in perspective nothing will.

3 comments:

Susie said...

We should get together. I am in your boat...which means, I suppose, we aren't entirely alone!

katie g. said...

True. I know I'm not alone, it just feels like it, ya know? Don't worry, though - I haven't really been feeling down despite how the post sounds.

K8E said...

I'm right there with you on this. And the sad thing is, I know I'm mostly to blame. The older I get the harder it is to let someone in to the inner sanctium (so to speak) of my insane life.