Finally!

Science has caught up with what I have KNOWN for years

A Great Experience

Tonight, I had the privilege of meeting a childhood friend of my mom. She called about a week and a half ago and mentioned that she and a couple of friends were going to be in town and she would like to meet me (surprisingly, we had never met before tonight). It was SO much fun to be able to listen to her stories about my mom. I think it is rare to hear about your parents as "real" people. Do you know what I mean? She knew my mom as a friend and someone that she got into some mild to moderate (I hope not crazy) shenanigans with. It may sound corny, but it really warmed my heart because this is someone who really knew her. She was really funny and even had stories about my grandfather, grandmother, and aunt. How neat is that? Plus, she knew how to knock back a scotch on the rocks. I want to be her when I'm 65!

All Heath, All the time

I've been watching the news about his death and it's really just so sad. I keep thinking about his daughter and family and think how sad it is for them. It just seems so sad that he was alive at least an hour and a half before he was found dead. I know I always wonder about my mom and when it happened and if there was anything I could have done...(for those of you not in the know...I was the one that found her and it was probably the most terrifying experiences of my life). I do have to admit I am surprised by how much press this has generated. I guess it is a combination of his age, how it happened, and the fact that he is going to be in one of the biggest movies of the year. Oh well, it's just sad.

Sunday update

As I sit here, the roommie and her bf are playing Guitar Hero. I played earlier and at first I did not like the game much at all. It has since grown on me. I believe I am going to have Guitar Hero arm tomorrow because I am already a little sore. The roommie is currently alternating between "oooh Lord," "F*ckers," and "oh my hands." Too funny. I have to admit it probably isn't a good sign that I broke a sweat sitting down playing a video game.

A Whole New World...

My father and some family friends (Lee's parents) came down to visit me this weekend and they brought me a new mattress for my bed. Dear Lord. My previous mattress was terrible. I have told people it was like sleeping on a bed of sticks and crickets...because it sounded like crickets and felt like sticks. Very uncomfortable and terribly loud. I tried out the new bed for a nap today and I think it is going to be AWESOME. As you know, I have trouble sleeping and this is sure to help. It really brings home how bad the last mattress was.

On a side note, the roommie's bf came to visit and he is a chef and he made the most delicious brunch this morning...vegetable frittata; grits made with chicken stock, milk and cheese; homemade biscuits and sausage gravy. mmmm-mmmmm. He is also about to make an apple pie. He should just move here. He doesn't even have to pay rent. Thanks, Matt!

To date or not to date

Someone told me that I'm not even trying. To date, that is. It's true. I'm not. It's much easier to pretend that guys don't exist than to be rejected. I don't write this post to elicit sympathy or online denials...because the plain truth is that I am not fit to date. Seriously, I am just too...I'm going to say it...right now...okay, in a minute...fat. Why would anyone want to date me? You know what happens when you're overweight (but not grossly so)? You become invisible. People just don't see you. Of course my friends see me, but other people don't. It's amazing to be so easily dismissed. I'm pretty used to it. If you haven't ever experienced this, then it is hard to explain. It's like people look right through you because they are trying to find something else to see. Wow. No more of this kind of posting. I want to delete this, but I am just going to stick with being honest.

A snippet of saturday...

Okay, so I mentioned that I went roller skating over the weekend. Let me be very clear. I'm not good at roller skating. We paid $8 to get in and doing the math, I skated a dollar a lap. I remember skating as a child and either my memory is faulty or I'm old. I have a feeling it's because I'm old. Really old. There was this one guy (perhaps mid-40s?)gliding around the rink...backwards. Show-off. I really didn't want to suffer a traumatic injury or pull a muscle, so I sat on the sidelines and stayed safe. I do have a few observations from this experience though:

It is amazing what people will let their children do...or what they will do themselves. Over the course of two hours I saw...
- people whipping around the rink pushing strollers. Strollers - with actual babies in them. Does this seem safe to you?
- little children (2+) wandering onto the rink being narrowly avoided by unsteady older children wobbling on four little wheels.
- a basic failure in listening by parents and children. Example? They conducted the ever so charming skate and foot races and the children couldn't seem to follow any directions and it took forever to complete these competitions...although I must point out that a competition seems to imply that a person may be recognized as a winner and receive a prize. Nothing like this happened. As far as I am concerned if there is no prize then there is no contest.

All in all, I had a good time and encourage you to visit your local roller skating establishment and witness the demise of America and generally embarrass yourself.

Just a few days ago...

So, from my last post you may have put your thinking caps on and realized that I was slightly down. I didn't have the best week. Things at work are kind of in flux and I am dealing with a lot of extra responsibility. I was in such a bad mood that this bled into my personal life and I was feeling quite cranky and I let everyone know it. Ha. Lucky them. So, I had a bit of a breakdown on Friday and Jenny listened to me boo-hoo and crying made me feel better, but I was still down. I had said I was going to go out dancing that night, but I bailed and proceeded to spend my evening on my couch wallowing. Roach showed up and he wallowed with me. Then it happened. 20/20 came on and the topic of the show was...wait for it...Happiness. No sh*t. I watched about half of it and I started to feel a little perkier. And then I was off. I got off the couch, took a shower, put on some clothes and makeup, prodded Roach into going out and we ended up at a local club dancing until 3am. Surprisingly, I felt pretty good yesterday and several of my friends ended up roller skating (I know!). Had dinner last night with some people that I haven't formally met, but I knew of them. On our way home, got a call from Jenny and ended up playing pool with her and her new BF and Roach. Today we went to the Birmingham Museum of Art and had lunch and saw the Pompeii exhibit. Wow! Big weekend, but I feel good! I guess I just needed to get out and stop thinking about work. I going to try and keep this feeling going into next weekend.

The Hard Truth

What makes me miserable is paving the way for other's happiness. True Story.

It's not rocket science

I have been blessed (or cursed depending on how you look at it) with scanning technology at the last two jobs I have had spanning 2000-present. You know, a laser scanner that you might see someone using in the grocery store or Wal-mart. Why is it that people of all walks of life just can't master this apparently baffling piece of technology? I have spent the past seven years observing people not using the common sense that I hope God gave them. Both jobs allowed members/patrons to scan their own card (you know - the old key chain cards) and either check-in (at the gym) or check out books. Here are the ways people fail to use this easy device:

1. the laser line is horizontal and they hold their card vertically - imagine a + sign. It's just not going to work, people.
2. in their panic to get the scanner to beep they furiously wave the card back in forth at warp speed and usually throw their card down and proclaim the "damn thing" "broken"
3. a surprising number of people fail to even attempt to match the laser line to the barcode at all. It takes all the restraint I have in me not to wack them up side the head and say "seriously? You have NEVER seen how this works? On which planet do you reside?"
4. Or my personal favorite: the person who looks at the self check or the scanner and they throw their hands up and proclaim that it looks too hard and couldn't you just do it for them? That I believe is more telling of the state of our country than anything else.

Kind of exciting

I joined a book club! I'm such a nerd! I work in a library, yet I can't get enough of books. Most of the people in the group are fellow librarians ~ does that make this a professional book club? Anyhoo, our first selection is Atonement by Ian McEwan (you know the movie just came out...and it was 40% off at Barnes & Noble). After that we will be reading The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult and Capote in Kansas by Kim Powers. They all sound like good choices so you should read along if you get a chance.

Copycat

So I have seen several people recap 2007, so I have decided to do this...except when I tried to do this, there really wasn't that much to recap. I spent a large portion of early 2007 (January-May) freaking out about Summer Reading and whether or not I would have a job after it was all over. I spent June and July working Summer Reading and praying for it to end and for it to be successful. August was a recharging month and the beginning of some very stressful events. September continued the trend and what could go wrong with my friends' lives did. October and November were more of the same, but I went to the doctor and laid off the caffeine (almost 3 months and counting without the stuff) and things started looking up. Unfortunately, several people passed away towards the end of the year and that was, and continues, to be hard to understand and to get through. December was good as it is my favorite time of the year. And that's it. Kind of sad when you look at it. Maybe 2008 will be more eventful and in the good way.

Word to the wise

I saw William Sledd profiled on 20/20 and decided to share a clip from YouTube. I know most of the people who read this so I'm not worried about y'all, but for those of you that might have questions...take heed.

Who knew?

Now I don't want to go home. I have put off leaving twice, but I absolutely have to return on Saturday. I guess I am just not interested in getting back to real life. Good things are not waiting for me, so why would I want to going back? I like have no responsibilities here. Although it is annoying having to deal with my dad's nagging, I can put up with it. Oh well. I suppose I will post once I am back in Bham. Whenever that may be. :(

Home For the Holidays...

Ahhh. Every year I look forward to coming home and celebrating my favorite holiday of the year. Typically by the end of the first day I am home (I might note that it is not a full day) I am ready to get back to Bham. My father and I clash repeatedly. Tonight I received the most troubling news...that my father and I are very much alike. What?!! My Republican, right wing conservative papa and I are alike? Wow. The reason I find it so disturbing? Because I know it's true. Sadly, we are alike we just have very different beliefs and we feel very strongly about them. He hates Colorado. I hate West Virginia. He hates Nancy Pelosi. I hate any number of Republican dumbf*cks. He hates Christmas. I love Christmas (as much as he hates it). My father. Myself.

Should have stayed in bed

A change is a comin.'

Monday was one of those days where all things that could go wrong did go wrong. Am I going to rehash it for you folks? Nope. I'm moving past that.

Christmas is a week from today. I am promising myself not to get caught up in the same ol' b.s. at home. I am going to do what I want when I want and ignore the bah-humbug mumblings of Kenny G. He will not steal the Christmas spirit. Even if I have to lock him in a closet and throw away the key.

Happy Holidays!

The Picture Post

Sorry some of these pictures are turned to the side, I couldn't get them to rotate. I would like to note that the first tree is the teeny tiny one that the roommie had in her bathroom and adorned with 180 lights - that could be controlled by a remote. I. Sh*t. You. Not.

Notice the fireplace? No, our apartment doesn't have one with a little collaboration from me, the roommie created it!! I say it is made of love since the three boxes we used to put it together are weighted with close to 100 romance novels.

Updates

Christmas Party was a success! We ate delicious food, played charades again and generally had a fabulous time. The trees (six in all) looked fabulous and we just enjoyed hanging out with everyone that came. That's the beauty of good friends, right? I am going to post pictures of the decorations in the next couple of days. I am pretty sure they will inspire you to do great things this holiday season. Oh, and best charades clue this time around? That would have to be KY Jelly. Our team cheated and used it as a clue (you're really supposed to confine it to Movie, Book, Song, or TV titles) and it was totally worth it.

As for the Teddy complaint...I spoke with the leasing agent and she said that the person was not really implying that I mistreat him (which I think is B.S. b/c saying that I don't walk my dog would be saying I don't take care of him properly). I still think it's creepy that someone has been watching me, but the truth is - I couldn't give a flying f*ck what this person thinks of me. I know the truth and so does anyone who's opinion I value.

Fed up.

It has been a stressful few weeks...and if you are keeping track I would say it has been a stressful few MONTHS. I just got a letter from the apartment complex citing complaints about how I treat my dog. Yes, Teddy. The prince of apartment 8. I will readily admit that I stand in the doorway and let him pee in the mornings and at night. That is addressed in the letter. Fine. I won't do that anymore. Not a big deal. The big deal is that the letter goes on to say that I don't walk my dog. As in ever. WTF? I am so angry right now that I could tell pretty much anyone who gets in my way to just fuck off. I dare anyone to come to my house and see how my dog lives. He is a happy dog that has plenty of attention and that I actually walk him. It is impossible to have a dog and not walk them unless you have a doggy door and a fenced in back yard. I hope that whoever this (or these as the case may be) person is continues to enjoy such a blessed life. I feel it must be blessed that they don't have any real problems and have enough time to watch me and study how I treat my dog. I could go on and on, but it would be redundant. I am going to talk to the leasing agent tomorrow and straighten this out. I should bring Teddy by so they can see how abused he is.

It comes in threes

Isn't that what they say about death? Peyton's dad passed away the Saturday after Thanksgiving. My cousin Julie passed away Saturday. And my best friend from home lost her grandmother this morning. No more. Not one more person. Does everyone hear me? Be careful out there.

Party of the Year

Sorry I've been out of touch as of late. I was out of town for the funeral and pulling some important friend time. You know who you are and you know I love you and will answer my phone at anytime...even 6 am.

On another more cheery note, next Saturday the roommie and I will be throwing a kick-ass Christmas party. If you read this and live in the vicinity then you are invited. We are definitely thinking the more the merrier. Lots of decorations, great food and perhaps a rousing game of charades? We played charades on Thanksgiving night and I don't think I have laughed that hard in years. It took a pretty naughty turn with very descriptive hand gesturing to "Slob on my knob" - the classic tune by Three 6 Mafia. Well, I didn't say it was a classy game of charades.

Until it's gone

I just wanted to remind everyone to call your loved ones and let them know how much they mean to you. I received news that a very close friend lost their dad last night and it just puts everything in perspective.

Have no fear

The spirit is back...and it looks like I won't be spending Christmas with just my dad. Things are looking up.

I may have lost my Christmas spirit.

(to preface - this post is not meant to offend anyone or make them feel bad, it's just me venting)

Truly. I just talked to my brother on the phone to find out what he and his wife are doing for the holidays and it looks like they will be out of town to visit her family. This is disasterous! Here's my deep, dark secret about Christmas: Christmas Eve and Day are usually days that I cry and I am miserable. Weird, huh? It's because my father is scrooge - which I am sure I have mentioned before - and we bicker incessantly on the day before and the day of the major holiday (not to mention all the days I am home in general). I love Christmas in theory. I love it all the way until we get to the finish line and then...and then...and then I hate it. So here's the problem: without my brother or anyone else at the house it will just be my dad and I. My brother and his wife are the buffers. It used to be my mom, but she's gone now and dad is so negative about the holidays it is hard work trying to stay in the mood. Now I won't have my buffer and it will truly be a depressing time. It's not like I resent my sister-in-law for wanting to go home. She has had to travel on Christmas for the past several years and this would mean she could already be there to celebrate with her family like everyone else. It's also not like Chris hasn't been lashed to the house for the past ten years (and as she pointed out over the phone that they don't see my dad at least EVERY OTHER DAY). I get it. I would want to go home too. It just sucks for me. I feel so selfish. Although if they can go to visit her family I would encourage it. Someone should have a nice Christmas. People - it's just a hop skip and a jump to Christmas by myself.

I've seen the future and it doesn't look pretty.

Early signs of the holidays....

The Lego house (as requested) and our fabulous alternative Christmas tree...

Be sure to click on the tree. Yes, folks. That is a pink feather tree. With pink lights. And silver glitter balls. Siegfried and Roy would be proud (and jealous)

Earlier every year

I am that person you hate. The one that loves to celebrate Christmas incredibly early. I am the person that retailers cater to the week before Halloween when they have pulled out their Christmas wares. Oh yes.

I am going to try and stretch out the decorating this year. We have a lovely (albeit small) Christmas tree up and I also strategically placed a tiny arrangement of lights on a Lego house I built over the summer (there is no reason plastic people cannot enjoy the yuletide festivities). I'll have you know I am downright chipper right now. Oh the joy!

Leaving on a jet plane

Off to North Carolina to see Lee. We have a full weekend planned, including tailgating! Of course, there will be no sports watching just drinking and eating I hope. No need to ruin it by watching men run around grabbing ass and throwing a ball. Blah, blah. I will fill you in once I get back and let you know about all the fun things we get up to.

For those of us who value the right to read whatever the F*ck we want to read.

Eloquent letter to the editor from author Pat Conroy. It's a little long, but worth the read. This was originally published in the Charleston Gazette (You have to realize it is really well written as I have generally taken a public stance against promoting anything from within the state border of West Virginia) :)

Pat Conroy’s letter about Nitro High's book suspensions

Author scolds censors, praises teachers and students


A Letter to the Editor of the Charleston Gazette:

I received an urgent e-mail from a high school student named Makenzie Hatfield of Charleston, West Virginia. She informed me of a group of parents who were attempting to suppress the teaching of two of my novels, “The Prince of Tides” and “Beach Music.” I heard rumors of this controversy as I was completing my latest filthy, vomit-inducing work. These controversies are so commonplace in my life that I no longer get involved. But my knowledge of mountain lore is strong enough to know the dangers of refusing to help a Hatfield of West Virginia. I also do not mess with McCoys.

I’ve enjoyed a lifetime love affair with English teachers, just like the ones who are being abused in Charleston, West Virginia, today. My English teachers pushed me to be smart and inquisitive, and they taught me the great books of the world with passion and cunning and love. Like your English teachers, they didn’t have any money, either, but they lived in the bright fires of their imaginations, and they taught because they were born to teach the prettiest language in the world. I have yet to meet an English teacher who assigned a book to damage a kid. They take an unutterable joy in opening up the known world to their students, but they are dishonored and unpraised because of the scandalous paychecks they receive. In my travels around this country, I have discovered that America hates its teachers, and I could not tell you why. Charleston, West Virginia, is showing clear signs of really hurting theirs, and I would be cautious about the word getting out.

In 1961, I entered the classroom of the great Eugene Norris, who set about in a thousand ways to change my life. It was the year I read “Catcher in the Rye,” under Gene’s careful tutelage, and I adore that book to this very day. Later, a parent complained to the school board, and Gene Norris was called before the board to defend his teaching of this book. He asked me to write an essay describing the book’s galvanic effect on me, which I did. But Gene’s defense of “Catcher in the Rye” was so brilliant and convincing in its sheer power that it carried the day. I stayed close to Gene Norris till the day he died. I delivered a eulogy at his memorial service and was one of the executors of his will. Few in the world have ever loved English teachers as I have, and I loathe it when they are bullied by know-nothing parents or cowardly school boards.

About the novels your county just censored: “The Prince of Tides” and “Beach Music” are two of my darlings, which I would place before the altar of God and say, “Lord, this is how I found the world you made.” They contain scenes of violence, but I was the son of a Marine Corps fighter pilot who killed hundreds of men in Korea, beat my mother and his seven kids whenever he felt like it, and fought in three wars. My youngest brother, Tom, committed suicide by jumping off a fourteen-story building; my French teacher ended her life with a pistol; my aunt was brutally raped in Atlanta; eight of my classmates at The Citadel were killed in Vietnam; and my best friend was killed in a car wreck in Mississippi last summer. Violence has always been a part of my world. I write about it in my books and make no apology to anyone. In “Beach Music,” I wrote about the Holocaust and lack the literary powers to make that historical event anything other than grotesque.

People cuss in my books. People cuss in my real life. I cuss, especially at Citadel basketball games. I’m perfectly sure that Steve Shamblin and other teachers prepared their students well for any encounters with violence or profanity in my books just as Gene Norris prepared me for the profane language in “Catcher in the Rye” forty-eight years ago.

The world of literature has everything in it, and it refuses to leave anything out. I have read like a man on fire my whole life because the genius of English teachers touched me with the dazzling beauty of language. Because of them I rode with Don Quixote and danced with Anna Karenina at a ball in St. Petersburg and lassoed a steer in “Lonesome Dove” and had nightmares about slavery in “Beloved” and walked the streets of Dublin in “Ulysses” and made up a hundred stories in the Arabian nights and saw my mother killed by a baseball in “A Prayer for Owen Meany.” I’ve been in ten thousand cities and have introduced myself to a hundred thousand strangers in my exuberant reading career, all because I listened to my fabulous English teachers and soaked up every single thing those magnificent men and women had to give. I cherish and praise them and thank them for finding me when I was a boy and presenting me with the precious gift of the English language.

The school board of Charleston, West Virginia, has sullied that gift and shamed themselves and their community. You’ve now entered the ranks of censors, book-banners, and teacher-haters, and the word will spread. Good teachers will avoid you as though you had cholera. But here is my favorite thing: Because you banned my books, every kid in that county will read them, every single one of them. Because book banners are invariably idiots, they don’t know how the world works — but writers and English teachers do.

I salute the English teachers of Charleston, West Virginia, and send my affection to their students. West Virginians, you’ve just done what history warned you against — you’ve riled a Hatfield.

Sincerely,

Pat Conroy

Just not a good day

It was one of those days. You know the kind - it just starts a little off and keeps going in that direction. I messed up a couple of things and felt like an idiot. A little boy peed in one of our chairs...and I got to disinfect the site. I am off for the next few days and I am hoping to regroup and enjoy my time away.

Oh!

I forgot. I'm going to the Christmas Village that is at the convention center. That will surely cheer me up!! Yay!

P.S. - checkout my new Christmas Countdown ticker at the bottom of the page. Now you will know exactly how much time you have to shop.

Here's a rant

If you insist on riding the back end of my car then I will insist on driving slower than Morgan Freeman escorting Miss Daisy around town. I am not intimidated by your big bad lights in my rear view mirror and no matter how many times you throw your hands in the air I will continue to drive slower than CHRISTMAS ITSELF.

On another note, I feel it is important for me clear up a few misconceptions about my profession.

I am a librarian...this doesn't mean...
...that I read all day. I wish.
...that I am barely able to string two sentences together and anyone can do what I do. I dare you to find a book when someone tells you they don't know the author, title and they "think maybe it had a blue cover, but it could have been green and it had a dog in it."
...that when we don't have a book you want it means that the library is "pathetic." I am sorry that we don't have every tome known to man. Move on to another library.
...that I look like your maid. That it is okay to come to my place of work and wreck the place and expect that I will gladly hop to it and clean up after your lazy ass.
...that your ill behaved children are nearly as charming as everyone else has assured you they are. They are living embodiments that Beelzebub is roaming the earth and wreaking havoc through tiny hands.

Just a few thoughts for your day.

The talent is astounding

Some of you have met my friend Roach. Here he is in all his dancing glory. Enjoy

Sweet, glorious heaven on earth

Am I discussing Disney World? Nah. I am discussing the fact that my roommie made homemade Ranch Dressing from a recipe that her chef boyfriend gave her. Dear Jesus, it is good. I got home and found it waiting in the fridge. I had not a cracker or chip in site, but I scrounged up some pretzels that were in the bottom of my Cheez-it Party Mix (which, btw, had been left over after a certain someone came to dogsit for Teddy and ate all the good stuff out of the box...) and tasted some of the most delicious dip ever. As soon as she gets home I am going to implore her to marry this man. Clearly anyone who can conjure up this deliciousness must have more up his sleeve. This man will not remain unhitched long...especially in the South. You know what they say about a southern girl and BJ's?

I'm Going to Disney World!

I'm leaving Friday for a quick jaunt to the Magical Kingdom. I would have posted a picture, but knowing Disney they would probably sue me for copyright infringement and send me to the pokey. As jail would hinder the fun I have decided to include a picture I drew myself on Microsoft Paint. I consider it a loose interpretation of Sleeping Beauty's Castle. My talent just shines through, doesn't it?

p.s. - I promise to say "hey" to Mickey, Minnie, and all the gang.

Back with a Vengeance

The insomnia, people. The Insomnia. I would love to lay down and get some rest, but the moment my head hits the pillow or I even think about going to bed I get nervous. Why? Who knows? I find that my anxiety is fine during the day, but the moment things quiet down and I let my mind wander, bad things happen. I start thinking about all the things that can or could go wrong and just worry myself to the point of stomach cramps, rapid heartbeat and an overall feeling of dread. I am just tired. I need some restful sleep.

Environmentally conscious yuppies

I witnessed a woman clambering down from her bohemoth of an SUV and grab a woven basket and take it into the grocery store (I assume to save plastic bags?) I happened to leave the store at the same time and noticed that she had her oh-so-politically-correct-basket in her cart perched atop...a flat of 30 water bottles. Ah. The irony.

P.S. would you believe that I drove to the store in my fuel efficient Honda Civic, gladly received my groceries in plastic bags and will add them to the collection of bags here at the apartment that will make their way to be recycled?

Talladega, Baby (2.0)

It's 'Dega weekend here in 'Bama and I am quite excited. I am going out for a belated celebration for my birthday with friends ~ that's what happens when your birthday falls on a Wednesday. I believe it will be a good weekend. I watched Blades of Glory tonight for the second time with Jenny and her dad. Tomorrow night is dinner and birthday debauchery with friends and the race on Sunday.
Yes.
Ma'am.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and for those of you that can't make this year's birthday festivities - I am about to give you plenty of notice for next year...

Next year is a leap year which means my 30th (yes, I just typed that) falls on a Friday. Perfect. I am planning a trip to Vegas. I don't want presents. I want all of my friends who can attend to come out and party with me in Sin City. I will expect you there. Start saving your money because I'm not going for an economy trip. See you in 363 days.

Those kind of people

I am always curious about the type of folks that whip into a handicap place without a sign of guilt...or the person that throws trash out of their car window...or the kind of person that wears a shirt that is too tight and their belly is hanging well below the equator...or the person that just ignores those "normal" behavioral limits that most humans follow. I just wonder about it on a daily basis because I would never do any of those things. How about you?

In your face Ice Cream Man!!

I got dressed up this past Friday. You know - make-up, heels, low cut shirt, sexily tousled hair (if I do say so myself). I was almost overcome with the need to drive through the ice cream place and tell Mr. Inappropriate Comment Ice Cream Vendor (as I like to call him...or Senor Jacka** for short) that I do actually leave my home on occasion. Ha! I decided that this action could potentially be seen as even more pathetic so I refrained. Barely. I just thought I should blog about it as SOMEONE out there called me borderline agoraphobic. I don't need to name names...ahem Mr. AJR.

She doesn't deserve it...

Hair extensions. Britney Spears goes through a new set of crappy-a** hair every week. It looks like she lets her children do her weave and there are plenty of people out there that need hair for good reasons. I say she should be banned from getting any more hair. I say this because I am growing my hair out for Locks of Love and it is taking forever. I have not had my hair significantly cut since March of 2006 and I will probably need another year before I have enough hair to donate. By the way, this is probably the longest I have ever had my hair which is good and bad. I am tired of it, but I don't think it looks too bad. You should check out their website if you are considering donating your hair.

Okay when others are not

I have been pretty even these days. I mean that I haven't been too down and things seem good in my life. This is not true for some of my friends and I am trying to be supportive and helpful. I want my friends to feel comfortable coming to me with their problems, but it is also important for me to keep my happiness in focus as well. Sometimes this is hard and I almost feel bad that I feel okay and they don't (ummm, yesterday's post...?). I guess I just want to put this in print. There it is.

Guilt. It's what drives me.

I have blogged about this before (I don't feel like linking, so you can search for the post if you really care). I feel guilt all the time and it is about stuff I shouldn't feel guilty about. I worry that I hurt people's feelings by saying the littlest things. I really don't think this happens with most people. I am going to conduct a very unscientific experiment and keep track of how often I feel guilty tomorrow. I will get back to you...

Do you remember

This Post?

Well, it happened again. Same guy. There I was waiting for my ice cream (I really don't go very often) and he looks at me and says "so, are you eating ice cream alone tonight?"

Nice.

People, I made up an Ice-Cream Boyfriend. Sad? Yes. Self-preservation and face-saving? Yes. It made me feel better. I hope that you will wish Rocky Road (my bfs name) and I a very happy future.

Let me introduce you to...

Teddy G. - otherwise known as Mr. C*ckblocker. T.G. has been known to sit directly between an amorous couple to make sure nothing naughty happens. It seems he has a sensor for anyone having romantic inclinations. Luckily, as these things haven't happened to me since Moses parted the Red Sea - I haven't had to suffer such a terrible distraction. I mention this because the roomie was getting a little PG-13 loving on our couch and Mr. C*ckblocker came in for the kill. He hopped on the back of the gentleman caller and waited to be included in the action. Needless to say, he got left in the den while the couple moved onto the boudoir. I could tell Teddy was a little depressed when I got home...

That's it.

California should have its justice system disbanded and jury trials farmed out to other states. If you can't manage to find Phil Spector guilty of murder, then you officially lose your privileges. I'm sorry if it is a little far fetched for me to believe that some woman would come to his house and as a result of being depressed kill herself in the foyer. Come on, people. I certainly will not mention another trial that has been in the news lately, but I think we all know of which I'm referring.

What do you think?

I don't really have much to say

Things have been pretty okay lately, so I am expecting bad things. It's how I work. I inherited this unrelenting optimism from my mother. It's sad, but this is how I think.

Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Honestly, I believe I am just basing my opinions on how things usually go.

Dreams

Someone at work told me about a dream she had about me. I shall give you the Reader's Digest version:

I called her and told her to come to work and see my new Boston Terrier puppy. She came to see him and he was really cute, but she wanted to know what had happened to Teddy. I told her that I didn't have Teddy anymore (!!! what !!!). Since she knows how much I love my dog, she asked what happened. I told her that a hawk swooped down and ate him while I was walking him at the local park.

Honestly, I laughed pretty hard. I have decided not to walk him at local parks though. No need to tempt fate.

What are you reading??

Right now, I am dividing my time between several books:

Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man by Fannie Flagg
Fourth Comings by Megan McCafferty (read this !!)
a romance series by Debbie Macomber
a non-fiction title about troubled teens
and I am re-reading several of my favorite books of all time.

So good. So happy to be reading!

Are you reading anything good?

Also, check out the link to Roach's Blog. Apparently, it's about sports and I am reading it because I love him, but I don't really get it. If you're an Alabama fan, I am sure you will like it.

If you aren't as horrified and outraged by this story as I am we can't be friends.

I read this story on cnn.com

I cannot imagine the level of suffering that poor Tobey suffered. I cried as I read it and I hope these kids spend a long time behind bars.

http://www.ksat.com/news/14008907/detail.html
(copy and paste - for some reason blogger isn't feeling the love for embedded links)

I don't want to jinx this

Things may be on an upswing. I felt pretty good at work today and I was able to laugh and joke with my coworkers and patrons like usual. I like being someone who is fun to be around and I got to be this way today. Hopefully, this will continue.

On another note,

Did you see Britney?!?!?!?!?!?!

I was really hoping she would pull it together and show everyone that she could come back. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. She looked uncomfortable and like she wanted to be anywhere but on that stage. Why doesn't she just fade away and become like Paula Abdul? You know - crazy, but making bank on some cheesy show. I think dear Brit-Brit should have stuck with pets and not babies. I truly feel for those two boys that will have to endure pictures of their mother's hoo-ha online in perpetuity. People are just craaaaaazzzzzyyyyyy, yo.

Financial Responsibility

I spend money willy-nilly. Yes. I actually spend money willy-nilly. Not on extravagant purchases, but on little things everyday that add up to a lot of money. I need some personal responsibility. I have decided to...

...

...

go on a budget. ick. I'll let you know how my sucky life goes from here.

Totally stole this from Belle of Madison

People think I'm repugnant? Great. A man. And repugnant. The hits just keep on coming.

You're Ulysses!by James JoyceMost people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense. What people do understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once brilliant and repugnant. Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero.

Ain't that a bitch

For the second time in about a month a small child has asked or mistaken me for a boy. I probably shouldn't be sharing this with you as it isn't exactly flattering. It's sad that in my old age I am starting to look like a dude. The most annoying part is that my hair has probably never been longer (it's around 4 inches past my shoulders) and I am not flat chested by any means. WTF? I know what you might say...they're just little kids who can't tell the difference, but maybe I am slowly morphing into an unattractive woman? Perhaps soon to be mistaken as a guy by adults. Sh*t. Things just seem to get better and better. Sometimes I just want to scream "What is wrong with you?! Do I look like a man, do I? DO I? Find your own books." I resist this almost overwhelming urge. Once again, I am growing as a person.

Need to get away, away, away, away

I'm heading to the beach this weekend for a much overdue and deserved break from work. I am also pretty sure that this will be the last time that I am able to get away from work for a long while. This has not been the best week and I am feeling a little sad. I described it earlier as feeling like Eeyore. blah.

Sometimes

I just wish I could take some people's pain away. I know I'm not the only one, I also know that I have often felt much worse than I feel right now and prayed for relief. I wish I could tell someone that it's okay. That it's just not worth it. To hang in there. It really will get better. I wish I had a magic spell that could make all the problems go away and turn back time.

i wish.

Despite the fact

That the anniversary of Elvis' death was last Thursday, I have immersed myself in the cult of Presley for the last week or so - to be more accurate, I would have to admit for the last 10 years or so- but who's counting? Most of you think I'm crazy and obsessed (or maybe you think this is just a joke?), but I would like to clarify my interest...

Yes, I believe that he was one of the most gifted musical talents of the 20th Century - hands down - but I also think his life and story are an excellent example of modern tragedy. Perhaps a cautionary tale. For those of you who would dismiss him as a drug addict that got what he deserved...I just don't have enough space to refute this claim. He was a good man who got caught up in his own myth. Did he believe his own hype? Definitely. Was he someone that abused his body and shunned help? Yes. Was he a good person that tried to help those that were in need? Absolutely.

So, lets recap. I'm not a crazy fan that thinks he could do no wrong. I just think the good outweighs the bad.

New to Elvis? Here are the top five songs you should commit to your music library:
1. Suspicious Minds (all-time favorite)
2. It's Now or Never (I believe it fully displays his vocal range)
3. That's All Right [Mama] (The song he was first famous for)
4. If I Can Dream (although not one of my favorites, it was one of Elvis' and it is a powerful song)
5. Can't Help Falling in Love (don't get me started on why this song is just too much)

FYI

I believe everyone should make their own decisions about politics. That is why I hate to hear celebrities talking about what is right or wrong and spreading their general self-righteousness to the masses...

with that said (and as I am not a celebrity)...

I would like to note that possible and probable presidential candidate Fred Thompson (from my home state Tennessee) has declared that he would support a constitutional ban on gay marriage and actively try to overturn Roe v. Wade if elected president. Do with this information what you will, but I would like people to be informed.

On another note,

I love reading stories about old people kicking ass and taking names. You know what I mean, those blurbs on cnn.com about 105 yr. old woman who took out a burglar or the latest about an 82 yr. old who stabbed a would-be attacker with an ice-pick. Serves the scumbag right.

Favorite Myspace teaser

I love getting friend requests from half-dressed females. On the few occasions that the initial pictures don't look to ho-raneous I click on the their profile and inevitably featured on the page is something like this:

"Here's my other site since Myspace won't let me post my hot nude pictures. Enjoy!"

Oh. Well then, sign me up.

Are these actual women? If so, this just ridiculous.

P.S. I just got a friend request from Jesus. I guess everyone's online now.

January 8, 1935-August 16, 1977

Thirty years since the death of The King. My favorite song is "Suspicious Minds" and the link below is from one of his concerts before his...decline.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTYg2Q-vDJ0

Cause for celebration...

I just - just - earned $.01 in interest on my somewhat new savings account.

Swimming pools, movie stars...what's next?

TNT is rocking my world

Between the Closer's Fritz (in the middle) and Saving Grace's Ham (I know, I know - far left) and Butch (once again, I know - far right) I am quite enjoying my Monday night television. I dare anything on network television to rival the quality of these shows (and their level of eye-candy). Enjoy the photos...

Reading Insomnia

I don't know if this is an actual medical condition, but it should be. Despite what the time stamp at the bottom of this post may say, it is 5:00 am and I am still up. I have been reading a new series of books and I can't sleep because of them. This is certainly not the first time this has happened. Even if I do quit reading at a decent time, I tend to analyze what I have read and turn it over in my head incessently.

The general reason I can't sleep?

I can't quiet the mind. I think about work, friends, random things, my lack of sleep (which only makes it worse) and so on. I have had this problem since I was a teenager. I hate sleeping in the same room with someone because I feel like I have to be super quiet once they're asleep and then I am trapped...awake...thinking about how I have to be really quiet...because I'm awake and trapped. Torture.

I will go for several weeks and be okay and sleep decently. I define decently by getting to bed before two and making it to work generally on time (10). Then I will have days that turn into weeks where I can't get to sleep before 3 or 4 and then I am just toast for the following day. I get bored laying in the bed waiting for sleep to come and then I start reading and then I have to keep reading until I finish the book or decide that I have found a stopping point (rarely does this happen). Sometimes I will read two books before bed, maybe a magazine and then toss and turn after all that. I love to read so I can't give that up, but I guess I need to start reading really boring stuff. In graduate school I used to read peer-reviewed journal articles before bed and that was like taking a really powerful tranqulizer. Unfortunately, the idea of reading something like that now (when I don't have the threat of looking like a dumbass in class) has no appeal despite its promise of somnulent paradise. Alas, I believe I will read the third book in the series and bid you good morning.

Epiphany

Last night I was up to no good. Several of my friends and I went to a bar and then the roomie and I went to a late night dive after the bars closed. This is one of those places that you would never consider entering if you were sober and it was the glaring light of day. It also tends to attract an older crowd (mid-forties) and you can almost smell the desperation in the air. Last night I witnessed a sad scene. A woman in her late 30s or 40s who was dressed in a rather unbecoming top (very low back and she couldn't wear a bra with it and this was not someone who should let the twins out to play without lashing them down) and enough make-up to give a tranny a run for their money. She was getting her groove on and kind of stumbling around - I'm sure it was a lot sexier in her head than it actually was to witness. She also had black hearts all down her back. At first, I thought they were tattoos, but then I realized that they were drawn on with a sharpie. Upon closer inspection, someone had drawn all over her arms and back in ball point pen as well. I'm not sure if she knew it was there, but it was just sad. She let someone write on her like she was a bathroom wall. She also kept dancing on this one guy who was skeazy and it was clear that she just wanted male attention. Any male attention. After coming to this realization, I have decided that I am never going to act like that and if I have acted like that in the past I will never do it again (although I always wear a bra out on the town and I don't let people draw on me). I think women need to value themselves more and quit acting so desperate and they will attract the kind of person they really want and not some guy they met in a seedy bar.

450

That is the number of times I have blogged here. My "blogiversary" was the 8th. I forgot it last year as well. It's not exactly a number I have committed to memory. I guess I'll keep this up until I don't feel like doing it anymore...lucky for you.

Apartment musings

Really, this post should be titled: apartment complex musings....I would like to discuss two oddities today.

First, there is a man that always has his door open and windows open. Sometimes in the winter he will close them, but in the summer they are always open. I just don't understand this. For those of you not in the South, we are experiencing quite the heat wave with temps topping out at above 100 degrees. He comes in and out of his apartment (sans shirt, of course) and surveys the complex. He's kind of like our version of the Ugly Naked Guy from Friends. At least he wears pants...Oh, I'm sorry, I meant jean shorts. Creepy? Why, yes.

Also, someone has taken up one of the parking places outside of my apartment with their scooter. I jokingly call it "the vespa," but it is soooo not a Vespa. It is generous to call the damn thing a scooter. My point is that it is taking up an entire parking place. I have to fight the urge to run over it every time I come home. Part of my ire is that it is taking up one of the two places that gets any sort of shade during the day. I think I will just kick it over tomorrow.

better today

Son of a B*tch.

That's really all I've got to say.
Terrible, terrible day.
Endless day.
Burned out.
Ready to lose my sh*t.
Personally and professionally.
Wish I could crawl in a dark hole.
Or under my covers.
Not come out for a while.
Decided to blog about it now.
Hopefully will relieve the pressure.
Want to take back my evening.
I will try to enjoy what's left of August 6th, 2007.

Explain the logic of this

For the last several months I have heard a bizarre car commercial on the radio. This is not all that unusual as most of these commercials tend to be a bit theatrical, but I digress. This particular commercial advertises that they will "meet or beat" any other dealership's offer. Beyond this, if they fail to "meet or beat" a competitor's price they will give you the car.

Well, this just doesn't make any sense. Why would they not meet or beat someone else's price and then just give a car away? It is an inherently flawed offer. I want a real deal, like buy one get one or 50% off. Now that's a deal.

He's what I like to call special

Teddy runs around the apartment with a leash in his mouth. This is an old leash from when he was a puppy and it is pretty short - probably 5 ft. or less. I have attached the part that would attach to the collar into the handhold (basically it is a big circle). I have spent a lot of money on toys for Teddy, but this leash is probably the one thing he likes playing with the most. He grabs it in his mouth and runs around and eventually catches one of his back legs which hobbles him, but makes the game even more fun. He growls at it (even as he holds it in his mouth) and acts quite ferociously towards it. He looks ridiculous tripping around almost falling on the damn thing, but I have rarely seen him happier. So, everyone - get your dog a leash to play with.

Hoverers Disband

Do you hover over the toilet in a public restroom? Do you make it absolutely unpleasant for the next person to visit the same stall? Then you create the very thing you fear. Trust me, if something is going to take you out in life, it ain't gonna be from (gasp!) sitting on the potty.

Really? They couldn't come up with a better name?

I was in the store today to grab some dog food for the Prince. I noticed along the cat food that there was a brand of dry food called "Alleycat."

Hmmm. Well doesn't that just convey quality.

It would be like if I only bought Teddy "junkyard-dog" or "pound-puppy" kibble.

So, cat owners out there...would you buy your feline friend "Alleycat?"

What to do, what to do?

I need to use my vacation soon. I have a certain number of days saved up and I will be taking an actual "vacation." It makes me feel very adult to have this kind of time available. I think I will probably divide it up and take a couple of smaller trips. This is quite different from the vacations my parents took my brother and I on when we were kids. I used to love those long trips to all sorts of places in the middle of the summer. I loved the night before leaving our house because everyone was trying to pack their bags and my mom was always in a bad mood because she hated getting everything together and then inevitably forgetting something. We would get up super early in the morning and then set out for our 3 week+ trip. A dependable destination was a week or two in Louisiana visiting family and old friends. After this we would drive the interminable distance to any number of states below the Mason-Dixon line. One year we went to Disney World, other times we went to Savannah, Charleston, Charlotte, and any other cities generally located below the Mason-Dixon line. Don't worry, we also went to New York, London, Wales, and other more exotic locals. Sorry to digress, but the thought of a vacation gets me a little nostalgic.

It's noon on Monday...what are you doing?

I just went to the grocery store and did a little anthropological observation. Most of the people that were shopping were either of the retirement set or soccer moms. Pretty standard, right? Well, I had to wonder about the the random people shopping that should have been at work. Actually, I guess I'm talking about me because I took the day off and I am quite enjoying it. I wish I could take several days off in a row, but one is good too. Anyhoo, back to the story, I live in a pretty suburban area so there is not much of a business crowd around here, but there were lots of business people in the store doing a little midday shopping. Weird. They can just take off and do whatever. Nice. I need that job. I do love being home while everyone else is suffering at their job, though. Yay me!

Oh What a Relief It is!

Part of my Summer Reading program is over tonight and the other will be done by 8:00 Saturday night. This has just about taken it all out of me. Send me positive thoughts for the next few days. Also, keep me in your thoughts after 8 on Saturday because I'm getting drunky-drunk.

This makes me laugh

Who new Dora the Explorer was so edgy?

Wrung Out

I just finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Wow. I just couldn't quit reading. I had 600 pages to go this morning and I had to finish. I cried, I laughed (not too much) and it was just a great read. J.K. Rowling managed to tie everything together. Now, I'm exhausted and heading to bed.

The Knot. In the Pit. Of my Stomach.

I get this all the time. Something major or minor might go wrong and I will get this icky feeling in my stomach and I will worry over something for hours...and then it usually goes away. I've got that right now. Same ol' bs really, but it still makes enjoying my well earned weekend difficult. It's the Catholic in me, I believe. All that guilt the nuns instilled in me during my formative years. Strangely enough, I suffer from much more guilt now than I ever did when I was a child. I was terrible and without remorse. Now, I tend to agonize over something until it drives me bonkers. ugh. Happy Weekend...

P.S. I finished reading the 6th Harry Potter last night (just in time for the new one). I cried and I'm not sure I'm ready to read the last one. Anyone reading HP? No spoilers, please :)

Oh, now I get it. Thank you soooo much

I spoke with a lovely representative of the company that holds my student loan (or the company that holds the balance on money I spent willy-nilly in graduate school and didn't truly believe they would want it back). I was calling because I was confused about my online statement. It said that I owed all this money (which I knew was not right) and I was quite concerned. I finally navigated my way through their automated system and got an actual person (gasp). He was a bit brusque, but absolutely understandable so I was pleased in this day of outsourcing. I asked him what was up with my account and he told me that the online statement was old and I would received another in August (despite it stating that I had a balance due - you'd think they would update that - but I digress). So I don't owe a bunch of money, then he passed along this little nugget of information that I shall hold closed to my heart forever more.

Upon my question of changing to an email statement and when the next one would come he said:

"You will receive that in August, you received your last one through the mail because WE CANT REACH INTO THE MAILBOX AND PULL IT OUT ONCE YOU REQUEST EMAIL STATEMENTS"

Finally, someone has lifted the curtain on the US Postal Service. Apparently, my attempts to shove my arm in the mail shoot periodically is a wasted effort and definitely not worth the disapproving glare of some of our governments finest, yet, slowest employees. (Cue the sounds of Lee Greenwood's "And I'm Proud to be an American...")

I thought that this was so helpful that I needed to post something IMMEDIATELY. Once again, you're welcome

I bet there is a hotel maid looking pretty sharp right now

Why? I left my bridesmaid dress in a heap in a hotel in VA. My shoes are in a trash can at a lovely plantation house nearby. Don't get me wrong, I thought the dresses Claire picked out were fine and generally flattering. But I ain't gonna be wearing it again. The wedding was beautiful and the couple very happy. It almost changed my mind about marriage. I guess I will admit that the jury is still out.

See? I'm growing.

Seriously, it was really nice to see two people so happy and appreciative of finding one another. When it's right, it's right. Claire and her new husband are now honeymooning on some beach south (or maybe east?) of here. I'm envious in several ways. Above all else, I'm happy for them.

No longer with us

Murphy was a good dog and probably had one of the sweetest dispositions. He was my mom's dog and we're going to leave his ashes at her grave. She would have wanted that. He was really one of the last tangible things I had that was hers and he gave her a lot of happiness even when she was so sick. I miss him. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

Do you think they just stare at each other?

Good Lord. David Beckham's body is INSANE. I was catching up on my "news" via Perez Hilton and he had their recent photo shoot profiled.

(suggestion - follow my lead and hold your hand over Posh's part of the pictures and enjoy the uninterupted beauty of Becks)

To be filed in the "You've got to be sh*tting me" category

John Mark Karr - of the false Jon Benet Ramsey confession infamy - was arrested this past weekend. For domestic abuse. Against his girlfriend.

His Girlfriend.

This crazy f*ck has got a girlfriend? I mean, are you kidding me?!?! He's also been married. What is wrong with these women? Especially, this new one.

On another note, he is like 5'2" and 113 lbs dripping wet. A first grader could take this guy with one hand on their pencil case and without breaking a sweat. What kind of damage could this guy inflict?

I have not been in a relationship since the Nixon administration and this guy is wandering around with a girlfriend that he apparently beats. You explain that.

My name is Katie...and I'm an addict

I can't get enough of Big Brother 8, people. It's really not my fault. It comes on three times a week for a total of 3 hours - and that's just primetime. It is also on Showtime 2, which until 4 days ago, I had know idea we were subscribing to this WONDERFUL channel. Anywho, It comes on EVERY NIGHT. For 3 HOURS EVERY NIGHT - uncut (we actually saw boy parts the other night - not much of a thrill really, but still)for a total of 21 Hours every week. There is also a call in program every weekday online for an hour for a total of 5 hours. Now, I don't watch all of this, but it is still out there. I could spend 29 hours of my life every week just on BB8. You know what the funny thing is? All of the uncut programming is pretty boring and it makes you realize how dumb people sound when they are just shooting the breeze. On this note, how does one eradicate the use of "like" in their speech? Actually, I am surprised the American people haven't noticed the vacuum of intellectual thought since the 14 contestants have been quarantined from the general public.

Actual quotes from the show:

"We all cheered 'Go Blue Team!' because we were like the blue team, you know."

also

Upon seeing her picture in the house, one contestant began to cry and said "it looks like there are bags under my eyes that aren't my own" Waa-Waa-Waa....

as well as

"And I immaculately conceived gonorrhea!!"

Man vs. Yummy

So, I have been a little under the weather this week and I took a sick day and left early two other days. This has given me a lot of time to sleep and catch up on channel-surfing. Channel surfing is something I used to do before Tivo, but it seems pointless these days. Anyway, with the extra time I was able to look around and I have discovered a delicious program: Man vs. Wild hosted by Bear Grylls. First off, his name is Bear. I think that is pretty hot. Second, he is hot. Third, he runs around in the woods, deserts, or other rough terrain which is also hot. You know what the best part is? Sometimes he gets wet in a really cold climate and according to Bear (yes, we're on a first name basis) the best thing to do is take off your clothes. The last episode I watched he took off his shirt and then did push-ups. Oh my. I really hadn't been running a fever...up until the point where his t-shirt came off. It almost makes me want to reconsider my first-waver theory so that I can survive the apocalypse and re-populate the earth with him and make little Bears...

Word to the unwise

If one is going to be transporting marijuana, xanax, adderoll, vicodin, and valium in your car (as Al Gore's son, AG III, was doing) then don't drive 100mph. Sometimes the police will pull your ass over.

I just don't get how

Porn stars have spouses. I find myself on the eve of a holiday and no need to get up for work so I am watching a little late nigh HBO. They are featuring the Porn Movie Awards (kind of like the porn Oscars, if you will). And half the people - men and women - have thanked their husbands or wives. WTF? That just doesn't make sense to me. Why do they get married? Is it because they don't want to live in sin anymore?...um, ok. It is just bizarre to me. I guess I'm just a narrow minded prude. I mean why can't porn stars get married and have kids and create a whole porn dynasty? It sounds perfectly logical to me...and so American. Happy 4th of July, folks!

Old School Summer

Tonight was really quite nice. We had an ice cream social at the library and it was a hit and it was fun! I really had a good time doling out the ice cream to all the people from little kids to older people. We even had some really polite children who were eager to clean up and help get everything put away. All in all, I have had a pretty stressful week and this was a nice way to spend an evening. It even felt like a summer day! All this crazy work at the library makes you forget about the lazy days of summer (because we don't have any). I used to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the summer and just vegging out and hanging out with my friends. Makes me a little nostalgic.

Can you imagine

Being one of those people on myspace? You know who I'm talking about:

The guy that sends you a message with one of the following charming introductions:

Hey, baby! Just saw your pic and you look hawt! Dayum. Wanna be friends?
Um, no. Last time someone asked me to be friends we were in the second grade and it was because the sneaky bitch wanted to borrow my Derek doll - which was way hotter than the Ken doll. Plus, I value correct spelling.
What up, sweetie? I've been looking for some female company and you look like fun, check out my page if your interested!
I look like fun? Was it how I posed behind the ceramic frog that turned you on? And interested in what, might I add?
Hey! I think we have a lot in common, let me know what you think!
Upon further inspection, bachelor #3 listed his number one interest as "stacking dollars." There's not really much I can say to this.

I think I will pick out some random guy on myspace and send him a message with the following:

Wow! I thought you had to be a porn star to look that good! We should meet up sometime! I have no desire to see my friends and family again, so I decided soliciting someone online was a sure thing! Let me know what you think, lover.

Right side up

In explanation of the title, I felt like my ship was off-kilter, but I have found my bearings. Some people are sh*tty and conniving and manipulative and generally so two-faced that there is nothing that other people will be able to do to change their ideas or opinions. It's all good, people. I gotta quit worrying about the things I can't control and just try to do what I know is best for me. Two wrongs don't make a right...it's cliche, but true.

Onto another topic...did you know that a porcupine baby is super cute and will come to you like a dog if you call its name? Me neither! I met a very cute baby porcupine named Dorie today and if they wouldn't cause me severe and lasting pain I would have one as a pet. Oh well.

Wrecked Weekend

Due to circumstances beyond my control, my weekend has been a little less than satisfactory. I can't really go into specifics, but suffice to say that someone is unhappy with me and I found out about it on Friday. Good times. Hopefully this situation will resolve itself. If it doesn't, trust me you will HEAR ALL ABOUT IT.

Only the Lonely

I'm going to be a bit alone this weekend and I am trying to decide what to do. I have been crazy busy the last three weekends (worked at the library, went to ATL, and my brother's wedding and associated hoopla) and you would think I would like to chill and do nothin', but that isn't the case. I never want to stay home when I don't have plans and when I do, I want to stay home (as I recall, I have discussed this before). Regardless, I am still at loose ends. I'm also feeling a bit unpopular as of late (also a topic I have already discussed here) and I am not sure what to do about it. I should probably try to hang out with some people I work with, but it's soooo hard to put on "fun Katie" and troop her out. I have to be "on." Making my usual jokes and charming people with my wit and clever repartee (ha.). It is amazing how most people don't really know you. You know what I mean, really know you. I can't tell you how surprised I am every time I realize someone is just as insecure as I am. I guess if I learned from life it wouldn't come as such a shock, but it is still fascinating. We spend so much time hiding that it is amazing that anyone gets to know anyone.

This post was brought to you by Jack Handy and his deep thoughts.

No need to be rude

Here's the thing: our Summer Reading schedule is dependent on people showing up when they are scheduled and approximately on time. Often we call people and confirm the date and time they are expected. I did that today. I got a call from a certain someone after I called their business to confirm our event tomorrow. They assured me that they would NEVER schedule something for the day we had them scheduled. Well, I read them the email exchange confirming the date and time and after I said it would not be possible to reschedule, the person said "fine, I'll be there. I'm stupid for scheduling this, but I'll be there." After that, I was told that by being at the library it would have dire consequences for their business. At this point, I really didn't say anything and they just got pissed and hung up. HUNG UP, I tell you. Oh. No. You. Didn't. If this person thinks that this will make tomorrow an even more fabulous experience, they are mistaken. Is it my fault that someone didn't consult their day planner? Nope. I can't wait to meet my biggest fan tomorrow. Little sh*t.

you know

Sometimes I can be such a sh*t. Really, over the course of this weekend, I was around a bunch of people that are generally nice and go along with things with a smile on their faces. You know what I heard all weekend? "Katie, try to smile for the picture!"; "Katie, you look bored"; "You look like you would rather be anywhere but here"; "Act like you like the people you're taking a picture with"

First off, I am not a "smiley" person. My face doesn't naturally go into a smile so when I look pissed-off it's just how I usually look. Sorry, but that's the truth. For those stupid emails that say it takes 236 muscles to frown and 3 to smile - I say this is FALSE. It takes no muscles for me to frown, it is my natural state.

I am smile inhibited. I can't help it. Sue me.

It's over

My brother's wedding was this weekend and I survived it. It was nice to see everyone and I think I looked pretty ok in my dress. I have to say I'm glad it's over and done with and now I gear up for the next one (which is in a little less than a month). Whew.

I just don't know what to do with this...

So, speculation is that Dale Jr. will be moving to Hendrick Motorsports. For those not in the know, this is like the Charlie Daniel's song "Devil Went Down to Georgia" and the devil actually wins the fiddle-off. He will be teammates with Jeff Gordon...and Jimmie Johnson. Two of my least favorite drivers. LEAST FAVORITE. I hate to admit it, but I'm crying a little. Just a little mist, but still tears of betrayal. Tears of disbelief. What has the world come to? I leave you a broken woman.

My answer to the divorce rate: duplex living

I have espoused several of my theories or ideas on life on this blog and I have decided to treat you to another pearl of wisdom:

If I ever get married, I'm living in a duplex. A very nice duplex, but a side-by-side dwelling nonetheless. I don't think men and women should live together on a full time, multi-year basis. Sure, some people can handle it, but I think that part of the reason people break up is because they are just tired of seeing the same person in their house day after day. This brings us to the compromise: two homes in one. Here's the plan: I'll live on one side (with Teddy, of course), and he (who shall-not-be-named as he has not been identified yet) will live on the other side with the kids. I am going to pick someone who's good with kids and cleaning and then we will live kind of together in marital bliss for years and years. I figure we can work out a system of signals. You know, one knock on the wall could signal that one of us would like to talk, another set of knocks could signal that one of us is in the mood...another set could signal when dinner is ready (that he will most likely be making). I think it is a perfect plan, personally. I am available for a more detailed analysis if you are considering this wise move.

Back from D&Bs

Dave & Busters was awesome! I had a lot of fun and we won a lot of tickets. Sara and I were working as a team so we pooled our winnings and grabbed some crap from the 'Winner's Circle.' Originally we decided to pool our tickets so that we could get a couple of shot glasses or beer glasses, but they didn't have either of these items. We were forced to spend our 2,900 tickets on lovely, quality items such as: 1 metal Hello Kitty purse (kind of looks like a round lunch pail); 1 pink poodle purse (which is now named Fluffy); 1 wind-up cow that walks around (Jenny's souvenir) 1 guitar playing frog bank; and last, but certainly not least: a genuine Elvis Presley artifact! It is a framed picture of Elvis and a bit of film (with his picture on it). So the Winner's Circle did not turn out to be a total waste. Also, Sara managed to scam the other people we were with out of a teddy bear they got with their winnings - actually I asked them if she could have it as she seemed quite attached to it on the car ride home - you may refer to him as T.B. All in all, it was good fun and I shall be returning in the future.

Workin' for the weekend...

I haven't had a day off in a while and I am quite looking forward to this weekend. I am not working for two days straight and it makes me very happy. The roomie and a couple of friends and I are leaving for ATL Saturday morning and we are supposed to be going to the zoo (I may not make it for some unknown stomach virus that I may be getting right as we get to town - I hate when that kind of bad luck happens!). After the afternoon at the zoo we are going to Dave & Busters. Have you been? I haven't, but I've heard its like an adult Chuck E. Cheese. I can't wait. I'll let you know how things go. Oh, and my brother's wedding is next Saturday. I can't express how excited I am.

My brain is now on auto pilot

Summer Reading is slowly sapping my brain cells. Our big event is tomorrow and it should be pretty exhausting. This job makes me realize that all the events I attended when I was a child were at the hands of some extremely hard working people. I am going to collapse tomorrow night and attempt to keep breathing...

If sex could walk and talk...and sing

It would look like Robin Thicke