Here are the many things

That I could give a flying f*ck about

Rhianna and Chris Brown - two people who are too young with too much money

Swine Flu - if it gets you it gets you

Lindsay Lohan - she's just sad and lost

People complaining about taxes - I would rather my tax money go to "socialist" causes than a pointless war without an end

American Idol - Please, Jesus, make it stop. It is like a bad penny. It just keeps coming back

Twitter - get on it or don't, but quit talking about it like it is the second coming

Alright, I am feeling a bit like Eeyore, so I best get myself to bed.

Two posts within one week? No!

Back from the wedding. Things were interesting to say the least. A little drama (alright, a lot!) but what weddings don't have that? I only have one wedding left for the next several months. That one is in D.C. and I'll get to see several friends! Yay!

Tonight's post is regarding a show I was sucked into watching tonight..."I Didn't Know I was Pregnant!" on the beloved (and always classy - Toddlers and Tiaras anyone?) TLC. Each episode is an hour of extreme idiocy. Most of the lovely young ladies I saw were from the South - Cheers to us! Generally while they were unknowingly hatching a baby they were off smoking and drinking and doing God knows what else. Several of the babies were delivered directly into toilets. Seriously. Can you imagine? "Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back. Oh My God! How did THAT get there?" I found the woman who was pregnant with twins to be the most baffling. She claims that she was probably around 130 pounds at the time (and she is 6'0"), which I find highly unlikely because she is quite the sturdy looking fellow, er, lady, these days. Also, how do you not notice you are lugging around two humans at once? Oh, the thought that these people wander the earth without some sort of guardians or helmets.

A word about the previous post

Here's the thing. A dear friend was wrongfully fired...via voicemail from this establishment. I am not going to get into particulars, but the whole thing angers me to no end. Here's something you should know about me. I take it very personally when people mess with my friends. I love them and they deserve the best. With this in mind, I am cannot frequent a business that has so clearly lost it's path. Also, just in case you are of a skeptical nature, it truly was a firing that was not warranted. I was a witness to a lot of what led up to it. Some people choose to be cowards in their everyday life. This is one of those times. I do believe in karma and that's what comforts me about the situation. The friend will land on her feet. Oh, and I quit, too.

FYI

Don't eat at Fire Restaurant in Birmingham, AL. If you want more info, feel free to email me or post a comment with your email and I will enlighten you.

Did you know

That when a child of approximately four years old hops up and down around her mom saying "I gotta pee," "I gotta pee," "I gotta pee" that it is probably a smart idea to listen to the child and rush them to the bathroom. Or, if you want to you can ignore the child and go on doing something else and then you can turn around to see that child peeing on the floor. Have no worries, though. You're friendly children's librarian will clean up the mess while you take care of your child that is now repeating over and over "I'm just so sorry."

It took all I had in me not to tell that mom just what I thought about her. I felt so bad for the little girl. She tried to tell her, but her mom was just so involved in something else she ignored her. How embarrassing for the little girl.

I am shocked and amazed everyday by the lack of consideration by some parents out there. It makes liking my job very difficult at times.

Here's a rant

If you insist on riding the back end of my car then I will insist on driving slower than Morgan Freeman escorting Miss Daisy around town. I am not intimidated by your big bad lights in my rear view mirror and no matter how many times you throw your hands in the air I will continue to drive slower than CHRISTMAS ITSELF.

On another note, I feel it is important for me clear up a few misconceptions about my profession.

I am a librarian...this doesn't mean...
...that I read all day. I wish.
...that I am barely able to string two sentences together and anyone can do what I do. I dare you to find a book when someone tells you they don't know the author, title and they "think maybe it had a blue cover, but it could have been green and it had a dog in it."
...that when we don't have a book you want it means that the library is "pathetic." I am sorry that we don't have every tome known to man. Move on to another library.
...that I look like your maid. That it is okay to come to my place of work and wreck the place and expect that I will gladly hop to it and clean up after your lazy ass.
...that your ill behaved children are nearly as charming as everyone else has assured you they are. They are living embodiments that Beelzebub is roaming the earth and wreaking havoc through tiny hands.

Just a few thoughts for your day.

The talent is astounding

Some of you have met my friend Roach. Here he is in all his dancing glory. Enjoy

I don't want to jinx this

Things may be on an upswing. I felt pretty good at work today and I was able to laugh and joke with my coworkers and patrons like usual. I like being someone who is fun to be around and I got to be this way today. Hopefully, this will continue.

On another note,

Did you see Britney?!?!?!?!?!?!

I was really hoping she would pull it together and show everyone that she could come back. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. She looked uncomfortable and like she wanted to be anywhere but on that stage. Why doesn't she just fade away and become like Paula Abdul? You know - crazy, but making bank on some cheesy show. I think dear Brit-Brit should have stuck with pets and not babies. I truly feel for those two boys that will have to endure pictures of their mother's hoo-ha online in perpetuity. People are just craaaaaazzzzzyyyyyy, yo.

Word to the unwise

If one is going to be transporting marijuana, xanax, adderoll, vicodin, and valium in your car (as Al Gore's son, AG III, was doing) then don't drive 100mph. Sometimes the police will pull your ass over.

Can you imagine

Being one of those people on myspace? You know who I'm talking about:

The guy that sends you a message with one of the following charming introductions:

Hey, baby! Just saw your pic and you look hawt! Dayum. Wanna be friends?
Um, no. Last time someone asked me to be friends we were in the second grade and it was because the sneaky bitch wanted to borrow my Derek doll - which was way hotter than the Ken doll. Plus, I value correct spelling.
What up, sweetie? I've been looking for some female company and you look like fun, check out my page if your interested!
I look like fun? Was it how I posed behind the ceramic frog that turned you on? And interested in what, might I add?
Hey! I think we have a lot in common, let me know what you think!
Upon further inspection, bachelor #3 listed his number one interest as "stacking dollars." There's not really much I can say to this.

I think I will pick out some random guy on myspace and send him a message with the following:

Wow! I thought you had to be a porn star to look that good! We should meet up sometime! I have no desire to see my friends and family again, so I decided soliciting someone online was a sure thing! Let me know what you think, lover.

Heard tonight

I feel like a winner...

Tonight, I drove through an ice cream place close to my apartment after dinner. Jenny was in the car with me and the lovely guy at the window remarked that there must be a lot of girls breaking up with their boyfriends. He then went on to philosophically note that "like twenty females have gotten ice cream tonight. On a Friday night. Did your boyfriend break up with you?"

um. No. Thanks for asking.

My Biggest Pet Peeve

Number 1. Nothing tops it.

Drunk Driving. Particularly Celebrity Drunk Driving. These people get their asses hauled all over Hollywood, but can't seem to find a driver when they're inebriated.

Lane Garrison (drunk and high - killed a high school student)
Ty Pennington
Paris Hilton
Nicole Richie (high on Lortabs and Pot)
Eve
Michelle Rodriquez
Tracy Morgan
Rip Torn (there is also a ridiculous video of his arrest on YouTube)
Mike Tyson (high on coke)
Jessica Smith (desperate chick on Laguna Beach)
Mel Gibson
David Hasselhoff (I know this comes as a shock after that crazy video)
Vivica A. Fox
Al Unser Jr. (indy driver)
A.J. Foyt (indy driver)
Gary Chapman (Christian singer)
Trey Anastasio (Phish)
Ray Liotta
Nick Carter
Gus Van Sant
George Michael
Haley Joel Osment
Taboo (Black Eyed Peas)
Brian Bonsall (little kid on Family Ties)
Cynthia Watros (Lost)
Tracey Gold
Zachery Ty Bryan (Home Improvement)
Glen Campbell
Wynonna Judd
Billie Joe Armstrong
Nick Nolte
Kim Delaney
Natasha Lyonne
Shannen Doherty
Andy Dick (drugs)
Jason Priestley


To name a few.

Larry Birkhead

So, he's the daddy. Discuss.

oooooooooh. I AM IRRITATED

*this is a post that is meant to take the place of venting to the actual person*
-this is what I would like to say...verbatim

Listen you bitch, I am just about tired of the bullshit that I have had to listen to lately and I am wish you would just turn mute and sit there blinking at me and being f*cking silent. No one has died and made you the king, queen, czar, president, much less manager at Denny's so quit acting like you are so much better than other people. It may have seemed like a good idea to piss me off, but I have a feeling that you will find that that is a false idea. I can be polite and pleasant when I want to be. In that same vein I can also be a heinous bitch that would make you severely unhappy. I have decided that I am not going to be nice anymore. This will impact your life in the following ways:
- I will no longer hold back the sarcastic remarks I have been stifling for what seems like 20 years.
- I will no longer pretend that I give a care about anything about you because you certainly don't return the favor.
- I am not going to inconvenience myself in any way. If it will make you less comfortable then I will do it.
- I will enjoy all of this...endlessly

Okay. I feel better. I will probably not be mad anymore after weeks or months. Thanks for being an outlet.

Let it go

*If you have ever been in a customer service oriented profession, you will understand this post*

Have you ever been waiting in line or just happened to overhear an unhappy person arguing with an employee before? Of course you have. At some point in time it was probably you. Sometimes it is understandable when you aren't receiving adequate service, but sometimes it just isn't. I witnessed a woman argue with someone for over 15 minutes about something that the employee couldn't honestly help. He tried to be kind and patient, but she just couldn't let it go. She kept him engaged in this disagreement while a line of people formed (who also wanted service, but she didn't care). What people like this don't seem to notice is that they come off as the ass, not the person their arguing with. What exactly does this accomplish? Did she walk out of there feeling satisfied with herself? Did she accomplish anything? The answers are Nothing, no, and no. All it did was probably raise her blood pressure and put her at an increased risk of being a tool and having a stroke. Next time I find myself in this type of situation I am just going to: (say it with me now) Let. It. Go.

Well, give her a cookie!

Lindsay Lohan hasn't had a drink in a week? After her year at AA? Way to go! This 20 year old must feel so proud of her achievement.

Word of Advice

It seems to me that celebrities (particularly ones of the young and female persuasion) have been making some poor decisions of late. I think you know where this is going...

Britney, Britney, Britney...for someone who has as much money as she does it seems like she could make some allowances for panties. Or longer dresses. Or the skill to get in and out of cars without showing everyone what God gave you and then some. Also, she was working on courting public opinion and basking in the glow of shedding her dead-beat, pathetic "rapper" husband and then she has to start hanging around with Paris "that's hot" Hilton. I may be mistaken, but doesn't she have two small children at home? As a friend of mine suggested, maybe Brangelina adopted them. Can you imagine the horror of being Sean Preston Federline at the age of 13 or 14 surfing the internet and catching a glimpse of your mama's nether regions. Take a moment and pray, people.

And on to Lindsay Lohan. Apparently she has been attending AA meetings. Good for her. Perhaps she might want to quit drinking before wearing her 90 day sobriety chip. I think that's the point of the organization. It's like if I joined Weight Watchers and brought donuts and to the meeting and told everyone I was "thinking" about losing weight. She also needs to invest in underwear as Britney is not the only young lady in Hollywood going commando...and proving it.

Social Commentary

Okay, since I have been discussing several things that have happened in the news of late, I thought I would throw the whole Kelly Ripa vs. Clay Aiken vs. Rosie O'Donnell thing out there. In case you missed it basically Clay was guest hosting on Regis and Kelly and Kelly Ripa must have said something that annoyed Clay or whatnot and he reached over and covered her mouth with his hand and said "You never know where that hand has been..." or something to that effect. Rosie O'Donnell has weighed in on this issue and called Kelly homophobic because of what she said and did. First off, Clay is not out of the closet so as far as anyone is concerned he could be gay or straight. Rosie also stated that had it been someone else (like attractive) Kelly would have reacted differently. Nice Rosie. Out Clay Aiken AND call him fugly. Good Lord. Mel Gibson and Michael Richards really did say hateful things, but Kelly basically conveyed that she didn't want someone's hand over her mouth. It's not like she said "get your fucking gay-ass hand off my fucking straight mouth." I could give a crap who people sleep with and I think Rosie overreacted and stuck her nose in somewhere it doesn't belong. Has Clay come out and spoken about how he felt so offended or discriminated against? No. Until that time, Rosie is just putting words and thoughts into people's heads.

What do you think

About Michael Richard's racist tirade at a comedy club? It seems quite reminiscent of Mel Gibson's anti-semitic remarks after he was arrested for drunk driving. I just wonder what people are thinking when they say these things. What possesses someone to call people such hateful names? Just because they got heckled? As far as I know, being heckled is part of the job when you are a stand-up comedian. How do you explain it away or apologize enough? Just to note, neither Mel nor Michael are from the southeastern part of the United States. In case anyone wants to point fingers at the South for their racist tendencies, I will have you know that neither my friends nor I would ever say the kinds of things that either Gibson or Richards said. They deserve public condemnation.

The sign to leave

As it is Halloween time, I have been watching spooky movies and this has brought me to one conclusion...or a personal rule if you will. First, let me set the scene: you know that part in a ghost movie where one of the characters is in the bathroom and bends down to wash their face or opens the medicine cabinet to grab something and when they look in the mirror next the face of a scary ghost is staring back at them? Well, if this ever happened to me, I would grab my sh*t and get the f*ck out! I would not look for the ghost, I would not go to the local library and study why the ghost is in my house, I would not consult the local town folk and debate what to do. I would be a former resident of that town and finding myself a new home. That's just me.