Debbie Downer in the house...

Not so much. I'm in a better place. I'll have something clever to say imminently...


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Acting

I love my friends. I actually like people. I really do. I write this because what I might write probably won't reflect this.

I feel like I act everyday. I pretend to care about the things that other people seem to. I joke about being meaner everyday, but I don't think that's true. I'm colder everyday. I don't care about a lot of things I 'should.' it's exhausting to pretend all day. I think I probably come off as unfeeling and I think part of it must be that if I let myself care and think I would never stop. I would be a flood of emotion. If you don't care about anything then nothing can hurt. But, that's not really true, huh? I do care and hurt. I just feel sad or lonely and my life seems to be a cycle of doing all of the things that don't lead me to good things. Over and over and over. And over. That's where I am.

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I mean, really?

If you read my facebook status then you might know I encountered a very special person today...lucky for you there was something in the air because that person wasn't the only crazy motherf*cker I came across.

Glenn Beck' best friend:
-so I had a lady come to the desk and ask if I could help her send a message to Glenn Beck. I told her I could let her use the Internet. She indicated that she just wanted to send him a message, but wasn't so good with typing and would I do it for her? I said no, I could not do that. She then asked if she could dictate the message to me and then copy what I wrote down. I indicated another negative. I told her if she wanted to send him a message online that she was probably going to need an email address. She said she didn't have one and then asked if she could use my email. Um. No. Could she use the library's email address? Um. No. Then she tried to exit the library via the elevator. I.Sh*t.You.Not.

Sick? So what?
A babysitter brought some of her charges to the library today and one of the kids upchucked in the kiddie section. He then frolicked off to the computers to play a game. When C asked the babysitter to take him to the restroom and also asked if he wouldn't touch the computers, The World's No. 1 Caregiver got pissed. "Is this your policy?". Really? Is it just me or does vomit indicate you MIGHT not be totally well and not smear your hands all over something that a bunch of other kids touch? Keep the pestilence to yourself, lady.

Just Practicin'
We had someone who logged in and out of the computers about half a dozen times today. She indicated she was practicing so that would know exactly what to do the next time she visited, but "that thing" kept flashing black at her. I went to the computer to see what she was referring to and found out that it was the...wait for it...cursor.

We are doomed as a civilization.

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How things change

10 years ago I was 22. I was about 4 months away from graduating from college. Pretty uneasy about going out into the "Real World" because I had no idea what I wanted to 'be.'

In my family (perhaps environment) the expectation was that you go to college. There were a few people I was in school with who didn't plan on going to school straight out of high school and this was a pretty big deal. I was always taught or led to believe that you go to college and then you graduate (after 4 years, of course!) and magically you were supposed to be something. Some people had it figured out... Lawyer...doctor...teacher...etc. I thought I would go to law school - not because I knew anything about it or had a calling - and I was wrong. I majored in history and poli-sci because I liked the subjects and not because I wanted to REALLY do anything with either field. Once I graduated I worked at a gym because I didn't know what else to do and I didn't want to move home. I decided to go to graduate school after 9/11 and I realized that life is short and I needed to do something about finding a career. Long story short I got a couple of Master's degrees and became a librarian. It is a perfect profession for me and basically I have been incredibly lucky regarding my career.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this down. If you're reading this...you know this story. I guess my point is things change and no matter how good certain parts of my life have turned out, it is hard for me to figure out how I got to this point in my life.

This is not what imagined and I'm glad I couldn't predict the future because my 22 year old self would be PISSED.


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HIMYM

For those in the know that stands for How I Met Your Mother. I've been a fan of the show since the second season. I like it because it's about people my age going through some of the same things I am or have experienced. This week's episode was a one-two punch of issues that I or my friends have dealt with. Lily and Marshall are anxious because they haven't gotten pregnant yet and I have one friend in particular that is experiencing this problem and it has caused her and her husband so much anguish. The other topic snuck up at the end of the ep when Lily had to tell Marshall that his dad died. Oh. Such a sucker punch. There is something that is inexplicable about losing a parent. If you haven't had it happen you can't know how it feels. How you think you're over it and then something sets you off. How you see other people with their mom or dad and you are sooooo jealous. How you have things to tell them or things you want advice on. My mom died almost seven (!!!) years ago and it is much better, but I will miss her for the rest of my life. The only thing that does make me feel better is that I was somewhat ready. During the episode Marshall chokes 'I'm not ready.' When I was 19 the doctors told us to expect the worst and start making arrangements. It was the middle of the night when I had to reach out to a friend and sob that I wasn't ready. That I didn't know how to take care of myself. I didn't know how to cook, or do laundry, or all the things I thought it meant to be an adult. When she did die 6 years later I was as ready as you can be for something like that. That is what I'm thankful for at the end of the day.

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Are you out there?

I need help. I may even tell you what I need.

housewives fever

I am ridiculously addicted to almost all of Bravo TV's Real Housewives series - the exception would be the ladies of D.C. - BORING! Regardless, I like watching their ridiculous antics, spending habits, and what they consider 'normal.' Currently, the featured towns are Beverly Hills and Atlanta. One of the more annoying women is Camille Grammer, soon to be ex of Frasier. I watched the episode where her friend, Allison DuBois - inspiration for the show Medium - was on. I have watched Medium since it started over five years ago. Good stuff, kind of spooky, but also a good mystery each week. On the Real Housewives episode she was a total bitch. She turns out to be a rude, electric cigarette smoking nightmare. I was sad that the last episode of Medium is on this month, but seeing how Ms. DuBois is a effing nut job quack, I think I'll get over the loss.

Many movies

Over the course of the holidays I saw quite a number of movies...

True Grit, 2010: A-
True Grit, 1969: B+
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1: B+ (lower grade because I wanted to see both parts at once)
Inception: A-
The Big Lebowski: A (first time I saw it all the way through. The Dude also inspired me to enjoy a few White Russians - yum)
The Ladies in Lavender: B
Young Victoria: A
The King's Speech: A, someone give Colin Firth an Oscar already!

All in all a worthy movie watching time was had :)


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Location:Pelham, AL