The beauty of Tivo

With the aid of my favorite gadget, I am able to enjoy the best part of summer: Big Brother. I admit it is the epitome of trash t.v., but it keeps me entertained during the barren desert of summer television. A bunch of people living together, with the cameras on all the time, without the opportunity to escape? It may sound like television, but it is actually a brilliant vehicle for entertainment. Ahhh.

On another note, my father is throwing himself a retirement party and I have told him that I will be unable to attend due to my work schedule. He has sounded quite disappointed that I won't be able to come to the party. Fortunately for me, I don't actually have to work and I am coming in for the weekend and surprising him. I know, I know, I have already seen him, but this is something that is important to him and there will be a lot of people that I know and love at this little shindig so I am more than happy to attend. Daddy G is about to get a surprise.

Maybe they're Amish

So, I have some new neighbors (I think a new married couple) and I have noticed some weird things about them. First, they moved all their stuff in several months ago and most of it has remained in boxes. The reason I know this is that they have left the windows open on several occasions. During the middle of the day. In Alabama. In the summer. What are they trying to do? Air-condition the entire neighborhood? One of them has an inflammatory anti-abortion bumper sticker on a beat up car. Finally, after seeing the apartment at night during one of my walks with Teddy I realized what else was wrong with them. They have NO TELEVISION. Not a one. What do they do with their time? They must really be in love or just plain crazy. It makes absolutely NO SENSE to me. All of this technology and goodness surrounds them and they have shunned it. Sometimes they just leave the front door and back door open and turn off all the lights. Ugh. Weirdos. They might at well live in a tent.

Daddy has left the building...

He headed out this morning, but not before getting me out of bed (or should I say, couch) a full 25 minutes BEFORE I usually get up. Arrgh. Although I'm not much of a morning person, I manage to become a civil person by the time I have to be anywhere in public. Unfortunately, he kept bothering me to "get up" or "up and at 'em" which just infuriated me. As I stubbornly remained on my couch trying to get some more sleep, it occurred to me that we are extremely different people. He pops up out of bed at the crack ass of dawn and I drag myself from my blackout-curtained room. He wants to go for a "brisk" walk and I am lucky to bathe myself. He feels like you are "wastin' daylight" by remaining in bed and I feel like you are wasting your God-given right to remain in bed as long as possible. Oh well, it was still a good visit. We visited with several of my friends, had some nice meals and generally hung out together. We also avoided discussing politics, which is good because we very different feelings about a lot of things and nothing productive comes from our bickering.

The Greatest

No, not Muhammed Ali. Elvis. I know, I know, I have discussed him ad naseum, but he was the greatest Rock n' Roll artist EVER. Disagree with me, that's fine. During my half-hearted attempt to clean my apartment, I decided to clean out a drawer and found a burned cd. I wasn't sure what it was until I popped it into my computer and The King started singing to me. It just reinforced his talent and how much I love his music. They just don't make 'em like that anymore. And, just so you know, not even John Travolta has staged a comeback like the '68 special. He was on fire and hotter than ever. Amen.

Personal stats:
Favorite portrayal of Elvis: Elvis and Me - the t.v. miniseries
Favorite Song(s): Suspicious Minds, Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Favorite outfit: the comeback special leather suit (seen to your left)
Favorite Aspect of Elvis: his generosity towards strangers
Least Favorite Aspect of Elvis: that he is no longer with us

Bye-bye, Goodbye

Have you ever noticed on television shows that the characters rarely say "bye" on the phone? Jenny always noted that 7th Heaven was one of the worst examples of this phenomenon. They have all of these dramatic conversations and then just hang up the phone. Every one of the characters does this and it drives me crazy. Well, imagine my dismay when it has come to my attention that this is not just something that happens on t.v. I have noticed that I have been on the phone with several people in the past few weeks and they haven't said "goodbye" or some variation of the word. I know it really means nothing, but the call ends so abruptly and it kind of hurts my feelings. My hurt feelings don't last more than a couple of minutes, but it just seems like common curtesy. Shall we bring the goodbye back?

I'm Lost

What day is it? I am so confused. It was Monday, then it felt like the weekend again and now it's almost Thursday? What the hell?! Listen, I'm not complaining, but I am still confused. The other thing that is adding to my sense of vertigo is that Daddy G. is visiting this weekend and I am supposed to clean my apartment for him. Heh. We see how well that worked last time. I got to the den, part of the kitchen and the bathroom. That's all I had in me and that is probably all I have in me this time. If that. Oh well, the weekend is almost here!

The Pokey

Jenny and I were having a discussion the other night about prison. We were speculating as to how either one of us would do if we were in The Big House. Not to worry, anyone, I have no intentions of going to prison and I am not wanted for anything currently (I hope), but I do wonder how I would do in that situation. I'm pretty sure that I would cry like a little girl and end up someone's bitch by the end of my first fifteen minutes or stabbed with a sharpened spoon. It all comes back to my "First Waver" theory (found in my August 11th post in the archives) and the fact that I am not a survivor. Plus, I would not want to be live in prison. I would wish for death, hold my breath forever, drown myself in my tin cup of water, or something like that. How do you think you would do in prison?

I'm "that" girl

By "that" girl, I mean the one that guys come to for advice about other girls and general problems they are having. As I haven't actually been in a relationship since I can't remember when, it is often perplexing to me that they want my opinions. I find that several of my friends and/or aquaintances come to me for advice and that makes me feel good that they value my opinion, but it seems that guys have always seen me as a buddy and I want to find someone of my own - not really set people up with other people and be by myself. Hmmmm, I finally told one of these guys that he had to fix me up with someone. It's my turn...maybe...I guess...perhaps. Well, maybe not yet. Hell, I don't know.

Last one, people...

The finale to our theme week is....:

If you could ask God one question, what would it be?

I would ask God why do bad things happen to good people? I understand that a lot of challenges and problems result in a deeper understanding of life and often make a person better for it. On the other hand, there are lots of things that happen that are unexplainable and seem so pointless. I just want to understand exactly why these things happen. Why children have to die, why old people have to be swindled, why people randomly murder other people, why, why, why?

What about you?

Five People

The fourth question for our theme week is:

When you get to heaven (hopefully) who are the five people you want to meet or see?

1. My mom
2. Teddy Roosevelt (I think he would be interesting to meet and discuss his thoughts about the United States)
3. Fred (my cat who died two and half years ago)
4. Elvis
5. Truman Capote (he seems like he would have been a really fun person early in his career)

That's my five. Who's on your list?

Question Three

Okay, so here's the next question:

How would you like to die?

I would like to go in my sleep. I don't want to suffer or live to be 1,000 years old. A respectable number, like 75 is good. I have not lived the kind of life that gets someone to their 90s. Unless, I am one of those kind of people that "drank a quart of whiskey a day and ate bacon for all three meals - in addition to snacks, of course." Nope, I would like to go when I settle in for a nap after having a few beers and watching a NASCAR race where Dale Jr's great-grandson just won the race. Perfection.

Heaven?

Thanks for everyone participating in yesterday's question. Today's question is:

Do you believe in heaven (or some sort of an afterlife)? If so, what do you think it will be like?

I believe in heaven. I always have in the abstract, but after my mother passed away it became a more cemented belief. Honestly, I have to believe in it. It comforts me to think of her looking down on me (sometimes; other times I'm a little embarrassed). Back in Catholic school, the nuns used to say that heaven was whatever you wanted it to be and I guess I still believe that (they also mentioned a lot about hell, but I digress). I think all the people you want to be in your life will be there (even pets) and that everyone is happy. I hope you can watch after the people you left behind, I think it would be the ultimate soap opera. Plus, I hope that after you die you find out all the things people don't know on earth, such as: who killed Kennedy? Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Where's Natalee Holloway? And lots of other historical things that I don't have time to mention.

Death

This is not supposed to be a depressing theme, but I decided to base questions on before or after you die (many, many, many years from now). And today's question is....:

What is the one place you want to visit before you die?

I am a big ole' redneck in many ways and this is one of them. I want to visit Hawaii before I die. Maybe it was the Brady Bunch taking their big vacation to the big island. I like the fact that the weather is awesome (when a volcano is not erupting) and not too hot. The men are hot and there are resorts and beaches everywhere. I also loved watching the Hawaiian landscape on Magnum P.I. and other television shows (in addition to TBB). Well, that's my place where's yours?

Theme Week: Part II

I have decided that we are going to have a theme week starting Sunday night. I'm not sure what the theme will be, but I think it will be fun. If anyone has suggestions, let me know and I might incorporate your idea. I hope everyone has a fun weekend planned. I am going out with several friends to celebrate my new job, someone purchasing a first home, and a birthday! Sure to be good times. See ya'll next week.

T.C.B.

Ahhh, the eternal phrase of The King (Elvis, who else?): Taking Care of Business. With things looking up on the professional end it has inspired me to meet things a little more head on and try to get some bills and other loose ends taken care of. Today, I called an online credit score agency and told them I wanted to end my membership and I SWEAR this woman (who I doubt was actually residing in the U.S.) would not end my membership. I said at least five times that I wanted her to end my commitment to the company (at $9.95 month) and she just wouldn't do it. I am about to hop on the phone again and try to lay down the law. It was a bit frustrating because I believe that there was a language barrier and the usual telemarketing B.S. Either way, these people have got to let me go. BTW, I found out that if you call 1-888-5-OPTOUT you will no longer receive those damn credit card offers in the mail. I went ahead and had my name taken off the lists that companies use to send out their annoying mail. Start dialing.

Details, details, details...

Here are the facts about the new job:

I will be in a public library about 10 miles from where I live right now. It is in a neighboring county and conveniently located so that I won't have to move and can look toward owning my own place in a few years. I will start the job after Labor Day - I know it's a little while away, but it makes going to my current job a lot easier and will give me some time to prepare. My title is Young Adult Coordinator and this means that I will be managing the department and ordering the materials (umm, hello? Dream come true - buying books with other people's money). I will also go to local schools and talk up the programs that I will help to develop. I will probably work all over the library and meet people of all ages, but YA will be my main focus. This is the kind of job I wanted and I really love YA literature so I think this is a great fit for me. This is the first genuinely good news I have received in a really long time and I can't quite convey my excitement and relief. Ahhhhh.

Just so you know...

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!

Deconstructing 90210

With my summer t.v. schedule being a little weird, I have started recording Beverly Hills, 90210. It appears daily on the Soap Network and three times in the morning on Saturdays. The episodes that are currently appearing during the week are around the time that Dylan and Brenda break-up for the second time and the truth about his affair with Kelly (while Brenda was in Paris) is about to come out. The weekend episodes are during the time that Kelly finds herself addicted to cocaine and Donna is dating some football with a bad heart. I'm not really sure which time period is my favorite, but I am certainly enjoying this blast from the past. As I was vegging on my couch this weekend and watching my three episodes it occurred to me how unintentionally funny this show was. I mean Brandon's parents leave for Japan and GIVE him the house. Heh. I come from the type of family that has one house and when they're done with that one they SELL it to buy the next one. Fabulous beach front condo in L.A. where three unemployed twentysomething's whoop it up? Suuuuuurrrreeee. Over the course of 9.5 years "the gang" experienced arson, drug abuse, rape, more drug abuse, divorce, unplanned pregnancy, a hit and run accident, impossibly old actors playing 12 year olds, and so on.

Just ask

That is the phrase my father would always say to me when I wanted to know something or was confused about things. I have this to be true when referring to your bills and the companies you deal with. They want your business. They will try to keep you from leaving and will work with you to make you happy or at least happier. I called the cable company today and got a $30 reduction in my bill without really losing any of my services. I am quite proud of myself and I think I will apply this new attitude to other areas of my life. I encourage you to call a company you do business with and get them to cut you a deal. What's the worst they can say? No? It's not the first or last time you will hear that in your life.

The BEST Parking Space

I work at an establishment that promotes good health and exercise and I have never seen people stalk the parking lot in a more determined manner. Our parking lot is not large by any means. It is probably a little over half the size of a grocery store lot and you would think that the majority of people that come to burn calories couldn't walk more than 10 feet from their space to the door. They creep up and down the aisles until they eye THE best parking space. They proceed to come inside and hop on a machine for 3 hours or take a spin class that encourages people to practically strap the bike on their back and haul it up Mount Kilimanjaro. The other thing that drives me crazy is the person that reserves an extra 30 minutes to BACK INTO a parking space. If I didn't know better, I would assume these people were preparing for a quick getaway and needed their car to be facing out to cut down on the wasted time of reversing like the rest of the American population.

I'm Lonely....(wah, wah, wahhhh -Debbie Downer theme)

My dad's in Europe, Jenny's in Europe, and my other friend Jenny is gone in Mobile for the rest of the week. I'm working and so is everyone else. I wish people could plan their trips to stagger a bit more. This is just getting ridiculous. I want to call and bitch to my dad about life and he is off living the high life in England while I am wasting away (metaphorically, of course) here in 'bama. Same goes for Jenny and the other Jenny. All by myself...don't wanna be all by myself...anymore...(Bridget Jones did it best).

I think I broke a hip

I just finished playing tennis tonight and had a great time. Unfortunately, I feel like I am 200 years old and need a full joint replacement. Although I said that I "played" tennis I use that term loosely. It was more like being a ball boy with a racquet. We spent more time chasing balls than actually hitting them back and forth. It was only as humid as one imagines being trapped inside of Old Faithful would feel like (sans the scalding steam). At one point I almost did a face plant on the court and hit myself in the jaw with the racquet. As the stars were spinning around my head and I was trying to assess whether I had broken any bones. Thankfully, the only thing bruised was my ego and I got up and played for another hour. I am absolutely stunned by my coordination and natural talent for sports. I really missed my calling as a professional athlete.

Shall I repeat that?

I believe that I have posted about this before, but it bears repeating. People don't listen. They can be standing directly in front of you and nodding their heads and looking interested and have no idea what you are talking about. Everyone is guilty of it, but some people are really bad. I make A LOT of appointments everyday and the number of people who don't listen to me is frustrating and almost comical. My personal favorite is when I say something like "you can either have a lesson at 4 or 6" and the person on the line will respond with "what about 5?." I will say something like "no, I'm sorry, it's either 4 or 6" and they'll say something like "okay, well how about 3?" Another favorite is the 'ask a question and start talking to someone else' move. You try to answer them and they proceed to talk over you to someone else and then get exasperated when you don't tell them what they want exactly when they want it. Ugh. People.

Music

I love all sorts of music. Oldies, metal, punk, rap, pop, some country, classical, etc. The one thing that has ocurred to me over the years is that my generation has some great music, but I don't think it is going to age well. Take music from the 50s and 60s, this is good stuff for aging. You can play it and enjoy it for the nostalgia or for the romance, but our music does not really have this. I love Eminem, but he isn't something that is going to be very cool to be tooling down the road in our 40s and 50s. Ludacris? Sean Paul? Hilary Duff? Rancid? Kelly Clarkson? I could go on and on. Is it just me, or do you find it hard to imagine people looking back on our music as a golden age?

Summer Slump

Recently, every night when I get home from work and check out the offerings that Tivo has it occurs to me that I need to find some new "go to" shows in the slow summer months. There are several strong contenders, but I believe that I have found several worthy programs that are sure to lower my I.Q. points and make me a more shallow person. And the winners are (drum roll please):

My Fair Brady
Hogan Knows Best
The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
The Simple Life: 'Til Death Do Us Part

Take a moment to process these fine, intellectual shows and realize the bankruptcy of American television culture. Why do I like these shows? Well, they're not reruns and have their own special qualities...for example:

I enjoy watching the sheer futility of Peter Brady and Model-Girl try to make a marriage out of a totally dysfunctional relationship. Plus, they're into leather. Hulk Hogan wears a fanny pack. All the time. His children are not all that talented, but think they are. They all have the same color hair. As for the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, I like this show because she is ridiculous and looks like some sort of blow-up doll (with the creepy lips). Kathy Griffin is genuinely funny and is honest about her struggle to remain on the fringe of celebrity. She lowers herself and admits it. She even admitted she would do a snuff film if they met her quote (she did note that it could only be one time). I can't explain the Paris and Nicole thing, I just like watching this really bad show.

Bed and Covers Hog

I don't know how he manages it, but every night Teddy is either hogging the bed or the covers. I have not slept in a bed with a real live human in so long that any memory of how it is to actually be in competition for space is a distant (and lost) memory. I don't think I will ever be able to have any overnight guests with Teddy around anyways. Technically I have a queen size bed, but with his maneuvering it is like being perched on something akin to a twin. He manages to lie on the covers in such a way that I wake up shivering in the middle of the night and the "little prince" is snug as bug (maybe even a little too warm). I find myself clinging to the very edge of the bed as he stretches out diagonally. If I try to move him he goes limp like a protester and growls (he hates to be disturbed during his beauty rest). He only weighs about twenty pounds and is probably about 1.5 ft long, but I swear he takes up the same amount of space as a Great Dane. Hell, I'm probably going to be forced to move to the couch to get some peace. Of course, he wakes up refreshed and eager for his morning constitutional while I drag myself from bed looking like the swamp thing. I fear for my neighbors eyesight when I emerge from my lair into the glare of early morning sunlight.

I'm going to quit talking about employment

I keep jinxing myself. I am not saying a word until I know something for sure, because I just can't stand the disappointment. I will try to post something interesting in the next couple of days, but I just don't have it in me today.

The enemy you know

Here's the thing: my enemy is the scale. It has been for as long as I can remember. For the past year and half it has consumed me. It compounds everything everything else that goes wrong in my life. I berate myself for my failure to control my eating and weight. All of this has brought me to tonight, June 4th, 2006. I got on the scale and saw a number that I have never seen before and am determined to never see again. It almost took my breath away when I saw it. It is a culmination of my unconscious living for so many months. I guess what I am getting at is that I am finally awake. I have disrespected myself far more than anyone else ever could.

It stops today.

Anticipation

I love looking forward to things. I am the queen of delayed gratification. If I can put off something good I will do it. Jenny is pretty much the opposite which works out really well. This usually means that the two of us can be waiting for something and she always go first and I'll go second. Just like I like it. This is why when I am following Weight Watchers I will save up most of my points and eat the majority of them at night. Flex points? I save them for the end of the week. You would think with all of this saving I would be better with money, but I just can't make this quality translate into all areas of my life. In few hours I am going to head to the grocery store and shop for points friendly foods. I am at the end of my rope with the weight thing and if I'm not careful I will soon be wearing one of those "forceflex" trash bags (you know, the kind where they show it fitting around a house or something of comparable size). So here's to me and to anyone else trying to accomplish something for the summer.

The weekend is already here

It seems weird to me that it is already Friday. I didn't get back to work until Wednesday so it has totally thrown me off for the rest of the week. Now, it is Friday and it feels like the middle of the week. I have to work tomorrow, so that will also make me more confused. Other than that, I really don't have anything else to talk about today. Oh, on my way home from Nashville I saw a gas station sign that advertised "dazzling restrooms." I found this to be quite interesting. I mean, I'll take "clean" but "dazzling" makes you wonder just what is in these fantastic bathrooms. Some sort of spa retreat in the Chevron? I guess I should have stopped to investigate.

Are you new around here?

This is what I feel like saying to people that I see at work or just around town. It just seems like some people have just arrived on earth and have never seen how ANYTHING works. Examples?

My personal favorite is when people come to where I work and scan their cards to check in. Inevitably there are several people that put it under the scanner with the bar code facing AWAY from the scanner light. ugh. Have you ever been to a grocery store? Practically every consumer product has a scan bar and these people act like they are totally unfamiliar with our extremely high-tech, complex, self check-in system. Sometimes I just yank their keys out of their hands and scan it myself or politely inform them to flip the card over or let them know that our system does not recognize their library card or grocery store card. Go figure.

A glimmer of hope?

Things seem to be looking up in the job department. I had some encouraging developments which I will elaborate on at a later date, but suffice to say that my confidence has been boosted. Could this be the summer that I start turning things around? I hope so. I'm glad it's summer. There is just something about this time of year that seems more dreammy (for lack of a better word) than any other time. It is a lazier time of year because it is so f'in hot - at least for those of us in the South. I like to think about my summers when I was a kid and some of my favorite memories were when I would just have the whole day to myself to play with friends, swim at the pool, and be worry free. Ahhh, to be a kid again.

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth

I headed to Nashville this past Memorial Day weekend and visited with friends and family. Things went okay. I was expecting to enjoy more of a relaxing time, but that was pretty much ruined the first night when I got some "helpful" advice from my brother. One thing that is important to know about me is that when people tell me to stop doing something it just makes me want to do it more (sure that is the kindergarten response, but it's the truth). That just set the tone for the rest of the weekend, but there were some highlights. We had a very nice Memorial Day cookout and I got to spend some quality time with several of my friends and my adorable goddaughter, Isabella (she still thinks I'm great-which I think is great). All in all, I am glad to be home and shall be blogging away for the summer.

And the letter for today is "D"

I was tagged in a letter game by Cat (see link to right) and I have to name ten things that begin with the letter "D" and provide a brief definition. Here goes:
1. Dale Earnhardt, Jr: (see hot picture) talented and comely NASCAR driver. He is "my" driver in the series and I will some day be his wife. Former Busch Series champion, future Nextel Cup Series Champion. Son of the later great Dale Earnhardt. He has various nicknames, the most popular being "Little E" or just "Junior." Feel free to use either and pretend you are in the know.
2. Dale Earnhardt: (see picture above) highly competitive NASCAR driver who is considered one of the "greats" and was known as "The Intimidator" for his no holds barred driving style on the track. Father of four children including Dale, Jr. Died tragically on the last lap of the Daytona 500 in 2001 and he has since been elevated to something close a mythical figure since his passing.
3. 'Dega (as in Talladega - so, I cheated): Nickname for the Talladega Super Speedway, the longest track on the NASCAR circuit. Located just an hour and a half Northeast of Birmingham, it is one of the most exciting and dangerous tracks. Currently, I have been to six races at this particular track and look forward to many more. Races are typically held on the last weekend of April and the second weekend of October.
4. Daddy: my dad is a hard working, caring guy who is ultra-conservative and loves to push my political buttons. He has been employed by the same company for the past 32 years and will be retiring in a matter of months. Interests - LSU football, movies, diet coke, his kids, yelling at the computer, yelling at Democrats, his dog.
5. Donuts: mmmm-mmmm Krispy Kreme. The best donuts of all. These little round breakfast (or all day) foods are delightful and eventually cardiac arrest inducing. They can come in all sorts of fantastic flavors and with different kind of yummy toppings. Best when served fresh and hot (luckily, KK has a sign that flashes when this happens)>
6. Dogs: particularly Teddy. The best dog in the entire world, although he is spoiled beyond belief. Tricks: only knows how to sit occasionally and react insanely to the word "treat" or "outside." He brings lots of joy to my life and has been known to cheer me up on a regular basis. He is a handsome fellow that knows it. Just the kind of guy you would hate to date, but a great quality in a pet.
7. Diana Palmer: author of over 100 romance novels and I have read probably about 95% of them. Despite the fact that her books are hokey and stereotypical I just can't seem to resist reading them. Next book release, July 2006 (and yes, I will own it soon after).
8. Dodgeball: An awfully violent childhood game and a hilarious movie starring Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller. If you haven't seen this movie you need to go out and buy it and proceed to laugh your a** off.
9. Davy Jones: (see picture above) lead singer of the original boy band The Monkees. He set teenage hearts a pitter-pattering during the early 70s. Marsha on The Brady Bunch even arrange for him to perform at one of her school dances. He has since pimped himself out to promote greatest hits collections from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. He is approximately 4'9" and could fit in my pocket. He also rocked a mighty fine bowl-cut.
10. Drinking/Drunk: One of my favorite ways to pass the time. I enjoy a cold brew (preferably Bud Light) and can go for a gin and tonic now and then (double lime - please). Drunk is a way I have been many a time and have done some very memorable things while in this state. So proud.

Irrationally hurt feelings: Rectified

I got a call from my dad today and he said that his company is flying him down to the national meeting for some retirement parties and a mini vacation. His boss asked if he wanted to take anyone and he is taking me! Yippee! I get to go to the beach in August. Sure it will be hot as _____ (fill in the blank), but I am still excited. This is way better than a couple of festivities up in Nashville (athough it would have been nice to attend). Ahhh, sunning myself and being catered to on the beach. Somebody is about to get serious about Weight Watchers. Tubby ain't going to the beach.

Tivo is Psychic!

Apparently my Tivo knows me well and realized that I might need a Monday evening pick-me-up. I came home to find a Tivo Suggested (for those not in the know, it is something that Tivo records on its own) program waiting for me after I got home from work. There it was: Taradise. This wonderful show is so bad it's good. I know it has been cancelled, but it is still a nice treat. Ms. Reid covorts around certain hedonistic areas of Europe in strange, transparent, ultra mini (I mean up the a**) get-ups. She is perpetually drunk and raspy voiced throughout the episodes and it makes you realize that no matter where you are in life, it's got to be a little more meaningful than her jaunts across The Continent.

It was never broken

Teddy here again. I thought I would take on a subject that is often taboo in the pet world and needs to be out in the open: Spaying and Neutering.

I was once a whole man. Up until the 6th month of my life, I humped what I wanted and thought nothing of it. Then came that cold November day when I was changed forever. She (Katie) told her friends I was being "fixed." Fixed?! Excuse me? I will have you know that there was nothing wrong with me to begin with. Saying that I was being fixed was misleading and inaccurate. For the week before "the incident" I kept hearing her use the term and I figured she was bringing me in for some minor corrective plastic surgery. I have always found myself disarmingly handsome, but nobody's perfect so I was game. Little did I know that after I came out of the anestesia I would be missing two of my most favorite things. Later I found out that the Teddy G. line would not be extended. I would have no heirs to inherit my stuffed animal and chew toy collection. I've never been able to look at Katie the same since she came to pick me up and I am currently working on forgiving her with my therapist. We'll see. I'm not a miracle worker.

It happens

Filed under my ever increasing heading of "move on, already!" is the Britney Spears "stumble." You would think that she had some sort of baby sacrificing ritual broadcast on cable. She stumbled, she held onto the kid, end of story. Sure, she could have worn a little less white-trashy outfit or higher pants to prevent the showing of her booty. Otherwise, this is just ridiculous. I think most people have a story about when they were babies and something dangerous happened or a close call. I am no Britney apologist, but give the girl a break (she's already suffering as the wife of a man that seriously uses words such as "Yo" and "Off 'da hook" when referring to his own talent).

Something to entertain you over the weekend

Thanks to my friend Sean, I have discovered the amusement of The Dormitory Boys. They're these two chinese guys that lip synch. Now, I know that the concept seems a bit obscure or boring, but give the link below a look.

http://www.twochineseboys.blogspot.com/

I am going to add them to my links on the right, but 'til then, enjoy.

Checkin' in before the weekend

It's Friday and I am excited for the weekend! I don't really have much going on this weekend, but I am sure something will come up. Unfortunately, I have to work late tomorrow night and I will not be able attend a really fun party I was invited to. Oh well. I am hoping to have a fun Saturday, but I will let ya'll know (it is the NASCAR All-Star race - vote Kyle Petty!). Okay, enough about my weekend.

P.S. I changed my profile description. It just seemed to fit.

For the love of all that is holy

Do not waste your time watching An American Haunting. Fine, many of you may have seen the previews and made that decision for yourself, but I am from Tennessee and The Bell Witch was a big deal when I was growing up. All the elements were present to make this movie good: Oscar award winning actors (Sissy Spacek, Donald Sutherland), creepy music, liquor (I had two large beers from Outback before attending the show), and a semi-hot guy. Unfortunately, this coalesced into a cheesy movie with a repetitive "scary" sequence and a creepy (in a Michael Jackson way) plot twist. The one good thing was the movie lasted approximately 14 minutes and I was able to return home almost before I realized that the movie was quite awfully bad.

Irrationally hurt feelings

My dad's colleagues threw a surprise retirement party for my dad tonight. They are also planning some activities for tomorrow as well. It was also a surprise to my brother and I. I can't go home due to my work schedule and the incredibly short notice (I happened to call during the party tonight and found out then). I wish I was there and I am kind of mad that some of the people planning the party didn't let me or my brother know. I would have tried to get off from work and participate in the festivities and the celebration of my dad's hard work. The other thing that hurts is that my brother and his fiance are there and I'm not. I guess I feel like they don't really miss me or need me. It's a pretty crappy feeling when you don't even feel like you are a part of your own family. This is not the first time I have felt like this, but it is the first time it has hurt my feelings this much.

Library Parties

So, I mentioned that I would detail the events of the library party from Saturday night and that is what this post is about. First, you need to read Wendy's post about the party - click to your right on "Wendy's blog" and read her take on it. Okay, ready?

I was a little reluctant to attend this function partially because it was a graduation party (I graduated four months ago in December) and partially because I don't usually hang out with the library crowd (no dis, just the truth). Wendy and I got there and the party was not "rockin'" per se, but it had a bit of potential. Some of the music was good and some of it was...interesting. As Wendy mentioned, some of the invitees were not the first people I would have invited to a soiree. I had approximately a cracker to eat and six beers in quick sucession. I was a bit plowed. Dancing ensued. Lip-synching followed. To "Proud Mary" by Ike and Tina. I was Tina. Wendy was one of the background dancers along with another library graduate. People, aside from the "backup dancers" I was alone. It was a good moment, a proud moment. Very dignified. Certainly befitting a double Master's graduate. Library folk ain't so bad afterall. They didn't call the police on my drunk ass.

I'm awaiting a letter from the University of Alabama confiscating my degrees.

I'm a little too stoked about

Grey's Anatomy tonight. Two whole hours (well, an hour and a half not counting commercials) and hopefully everyone I really love on the show will still be around for next season. I don't really have much to discuss right now aside from the library school party I went to on Saturday night, but that is going to require some serious computer time to properly set the scene. I am not watching Grey's until after it's over b/c I am working a double right now. I have to head back to the front desk so my computer time is at an end for tonight. Catch ya'll tomorrow.

Sad news

I found out that one of my friends from childhood lost her husband in Iraq this past week. He leaves behind a loving wife and young daughter, not to mention the rest of his friends and family. This war has seemed so distant for me and this just brings everything into sharp perspective. I may not agree with the reasons that this country became involved in this war or why it continues to be involved, but I wholeheartedly support our soldiers. They are doing a job that most of us would not ever want to do and they have my utmost respect for that. I am extending a thank you to anyone who has ever served in a war, in particular this one, and I believe that everyone should too.

The most dangerous place to work

Place: The County General Emergency Room
Location: Chicago, IL

As I watch the 84th season of e.r. it occurs to me (not for the first time) that this place of employment is an awfully hard place to work. Often times, tragic, freak accidents have struck down the doctors and nurses of this ER and I think it is time for someone to note that maybe this hospital should be shut down as a measure to reduce such atrocities. During all of these seasons people seem to succumb to something or another during November, February, and May (coincidentally this is also when t.v. sweeps take place, but I digress). Here is a brief compilation of the awful things at County General:

Death by natural causes: Dr. Mark Greene
Death by murder: Lucy (stabbed in the heart by some schizo),
Death by BIZARRE accident: the mean red-headed doctor who was crushed by a HELICOPTER that fell ON HIM at the front door of the e.r. (ironically enough, it was only months before that his arm was severed by the blade of a helicopter)
Death by sad events: suicide of Dr. Benton's surgical intern, Dr. Gallant in Iraq (last night)

Other weird stuff at the e.r.:
gunfire, explosion of a plane, blackout, quarantine, overdose, carjacking, drive by shooting, racial profiling, domestic abuse, alcoholism, genocide (the episodes in Africa). Note that all of this includes the employees, I am not including the patients who visit this cursed hospital.

Also disturbing? The incidence of UNPLANNED pregnancy in these doctors and nurses: Dr. Greene and the British one; Abby and Luka; Dr. Lewis and the red-headed EMT; Benton and the crazy lady; Carter and the chick from Africa. If these people can't figure out how to use a condom then they shouldn't be treating humans for complex medical problems.

Move on, already!

I'm no big fan of Ashlee Simpson, but I wish people would quit going on and on about her "nose job." So what? She had the bump shaved off. They act like she came back with a nose resembling Michael Jackson's. It could be a lot worse. Remember when Tara Reid had her boobs done and then denied it? Now that is a big difference.<-----

A Day in the Life

It's me again. Teddy, the cooler counterpart to Katie (I like to call her The Taskmaster). I thought I would fill you in on a typical day in my life (basically, all the things Katie doesn't know about and would have a sh*t fit if she knew):

Around 6:30 am I abruptly wake up and have to pee. Immediately. Sometimes I don't, but I sure do like waking Ms. Lazy Bones up from the last ten minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off. She usually tries to distract me, but I just jump off the bed and jump back on a stand right over her head and whine until she gets up. It's great. She's like a disgruntled puppet. After I do my business, we head back inside and I sit on the couch and spy on all the people and dogs that walk around while she takes a shower. Once I have barked and growled and properly guarded my territory it is usually time for what I term "the act." This is where I whine and pretend to be really upset about her going off to work. Something along the lines of (if I chose to speak) "Oh, no, please don't go! My life is over when you leave the confines of this apartment. Why? Why me? Will the misery never stop? Yada, yada, yada..." This ensures that she feels extremely guilty going off to her job. Ha. My work is done. Once she is out the door, I run to the bedroom window and make sure she is really leaving. After she leaves (for sure, sometimes that bitch tricks me and comes back in to get something she "forgot" - right) I run around the living room searching for any food she may have left out. If that turns up nothing, I watch my shows. This typically includes the Golden Girls and Will & Grace because she has the t.v. on Lifetime and I can't change it because of tivo. That Sophia! She is a real pistol! After this I settle in for my mid-morning nap which can run into my early afternoon nap. This is when the real fun part begins, but since this post is going a bit long, I will continue this at a later time...

Think about this

Okay, everyone has heard that you have to be careful who you are intimate with because it is like you are having sex with them and all of the people that they have been with before. Keeping this in mind, Hollywood is literally a clusterf*ck.

According to this idea many unlikely people have had sex by association. For example:

Lindsay Lohan and Mandy Moore via Wilmer Valderama
Andy Roddick and Wilmer Valderama via Mandy Moore
Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie via Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt and Vince Vaugh via Jennifer Aniston
Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline via Britney
Tommy Lee and Kid Rock via Pamela Anderson
Tara Reid and Jennifer Love Hewitt via Carson Daly
Paris Hilton and all of Los Angeles

Points for anyone else who can come up with great couples

Holding the line

I have been inspired by Sarah M. to be open on this blog about a particular aspect of my life. For the past seven months I have been on anti-depressants. Part of this was brought on by the accident, but I was already unhappy before and the accident just brought a lot of it to a head. Some of this might date back to when my mom passed away. I think that my experience with it was pretty traumatic and I was more focused on "how" it happened as opposed to being sad about the fact that she was no longer in my life. School, graduation, my dead end job, and weight gain all led me to the extremely unhappy state I was in several months ago. Now, the meds are holding the line on my depression. I'm not happy, but I am not in that dark place I was before. I have a lot of faith that things will get better and that is what keeps me going to work and accomplishing the things that are expected of me. I have a true desire to be happy and I believe that I will be again. Maybe that's too honest, but I am not ashamed that I had to seek help outside of myself for this and Tom Cruise can kiss my a**. And I mean that in the most respectful way.

What is wrong with David Blaine?

After 30 minutes in the bathtub I feel gross about my wrinkly hands. He sat in a big goldfish bowl for 176 hours. Ick. If you watched it then you should have noticed the grime that coated that nasty bowl. When he hopped out of his water bowl he was wiped off with white towels that will NEVER be clean again. Then, to top off his breath holding stunt, he cried like a little girl. You know, the "ugly cry" (John Travolta is really good at this emasculating cry). He also relieved himself via a tube. Dignity? As the Violent Femmes once said: gone, daddy, gone...

Some shows should know better

For those of you that watch Grey's Anatomy and are southerners or met people from the south should have been extremely offended by the portrayal of the "hicks" on tonight's episode. If I heard one more "Daaaaaadeeeee" and "Maaaaawmaaaw" from the lips of the "hick" daughter I was going to scream. I must mention that one of my favorite actors was a guest star (the guy that hit the "hick" family) on the episode: John Cho (Harold from Harold and Kumar go to White Castle). Aside from that, the episode gets a thumbs down for stereotypical portrayals.

Movie List

I need suggestions. One of my friends has been seriously movie deprived over the past few years due to various reasons. She likes movies, but her crazy work schedule has made it difficult to watch movies with any kind of consistency. We had a conversation about this not too long ago and I will explain how bad the problem is:

The last movie she saw in the theater was Mystic River
She really enjoyed Chicago (that's the only other recent movie she could remember seeing)

That's it, people. That is all she could give me when I asked what the latest movie she saw. Apparently 2003 was a big year for her. This is what I want from ya'll: give me at least three movie suggestions that you think someone would like. She's pretty girly and a crier, so chick flicks are good and she also has taste so Oscar noms. are good. Anything. My first picks are coming directly from my personal collection:

Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
Under the Tuscan Sun
Gidget (all of them)

I'm compiling a summer "reading" list of sorts for her so I will include all suggestions.

My Freezer

Is the most honest thing about me. If you really want to get to know me, check out my freezer. My idealized life is in direct conflict with my "real" one. I have nothing to speak of in the refrigerator, but the sub-zero cave above it is another story.

The idealized part:
lean cuisines of all types
all fruit bars with less than 90 calories
frozen veggies
healthy soup I made months ago
single serving chicken breasts

The "real" part:
ice cream (four different kinds - some light, some not - various sizes)
mini-hamburgers - they're gross, but still...
quiche
five frozen mugs (for the brew)
fat-filled chicken pot pie

Guess which items are older and have witnessed the comings and goings of other foods...

I knew the moment I woke up

I never should have gotten out of bed. The alarm went off and I felt like I hadn't gotten any sleep. I could barely get out of bed, but Teddy was quite demanding so I took him outside and cursed the fact that I had to go to work. It was also raining. I love laying in bed and listening to it rain and it made me hate going to work even more. Finally, I got my ass in gear and got ready and headed out and got to work early (good for me), but there was some work drama - as there usually is around here. It put me on the defensive, but I am trying to see things from a different perspective and realize that I could, possibly, however unlikely, be in the wrong. Oh well. I want to go home and put my head under the covers and not get out until Sunday. I have always been goal oriented (ummm, right...) so I think I can make this idea come to fruition.

Why not?

As this blog has become a clearinghouse of humiliation for me, I figured I would add to your already colorful picture of my exciting life. Often, I detail my new interests or addictions and read the responses that these confessions elicit. Today is no different. My new addiction?

Super Nintendo. Yep. No, I didn't get in my time machine and travel back to 1991. I just happened to have one laying around my closet and pulled it out for sh*ts and giggles. That was a month ago. I have tried to keep my secret hidden, but I am tired of leading this double life. It is time I admitted I have a problem. I love Super Mario World and I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS. Well, that's not really true, but if I keep saying it to myself maybe I'll believe it. You really can't blame me because there is no cable hook-up in my bedroom, but I have a t.v. in there. I have to do something with the television and this is more practical than drilling holes in walls and running an additional cable line to my bedroom. Plus, I have a touch of insomnia and I'm not supposed to watch television in bed. I don't think playing video games counts.

It's official. I'm a pre-adolescent boy. Could this be rock bottom?

Nah.

Spending Freeze

As paltry as they may be, I have frozen my assets (not literally - just no spending ANY money). I haven't spent anything today or yesterday and I am not planning on spending any money until my next paycheck (the 15th). Part of this is driven by poverty and the other part is that I just don't watch my money very well. I don't get all crazy or anything, but I spend more than I should. I am not buying any food as I have enough in the house to last me a while and I am not going out and buying anything (i.e. drinks or movies, or whatnot). Yay. I guess this will be a good way for me to clean out my shelves and freezer - there's really nothing to speak of in the refrigerator aside from a wide variety of condiments. Maybe I can fill my new found free time being productive. Perhaps cleaning my apartment like I planned when my dad came to visit? Well, let's not get crazy.

Who's with me? Haha, no really, don't do it.

And they said it wouldn't last

And it didn't. Paris Hilton broke up with her shipping heir boyfriend, Zeus or Amadeus or whatever the hell his name is. Thank God most normal people don't run around slobbering all over their significant others and declaring how they "are, like, soooooo much in love!" Ick. I think more people would go postal if they had to witness such a cluster f*ck of vapidness and self-indulgence.

Until the next shipping heir, farewell, Poseidon (or whatever ye name may be), farewell. You are better off without Paris.

This is just ridiculous

I haven't been in anything resembling a relationship since the 19th century and then I have to read about this:

Woman, 104, takes man, 33, as husband No. 21

Please don't miss the part where he hopes to teach her Roman script - ummm, if I was 104, all I want to do is lay around and have my 33 year-old hubby waiting on me. Only if they had a picture of the happy couple. They're probably planning on adopting.

A Grey's Anatomy Question

Why is it that Izzie's (Katherine Heigl) scrubs are tighter around the boobs than anyone else's? This includes the more generously curved Dr. Bailey. Were they out of another size? Just seems sad that this poor girl has to suffer ill-fitting scrubs while she is trying to save lives.

Are you doing enough?

This is the question I ask myself on a daily basis. I have asked this of myself for years because I never feel like I am doing enough. Let me explain. I am always comparing myself with other people and coming up short. I'm too lazy, too fat, too selfish, too conservative, too liberal, too dumb, too naive, too mean, and on and on and on. Generally, I don't believe these things about myself, but when I am having a lot of self doubt one or more of these thoughts creaps into my mind. I know I'm not the only one who thinks about this stuff, but I always feel like "if people really knew me...they wouldn't like me..." I think the key is living my life and doing what I know is right and good for me and other people. It may not be right for everyone, but I'm too old to keep this sh*t up. I keep waiting to feel more self assured and it is has come much more slowly than I thought it would.

As a wise man once said: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gone-it people like me!"

Grrr and double Grrr

I know that some of you don't really get the whole "NASCAR thing," but I was really excited about the race and on the second of three pace laps it started raining. It was cold, windy, and wet, but we tried to stick it out. Finally, the five of us admitted defeat and started the long trek back to the cars. Disappointment doesn't really cover my feelings because going to a race is a big deal. It wears you out and after all of the preparation we didn't even get to see anything. For those of you who are curious, even the NASCAR newbies were getting excited after the cars started their engines (when all 43 cars start their engines it vibrates through the stadium and you can't help but get caught up in the moment). Luckily, I took off Monday and I will be watching the race on t.v. today in about 30 minutes, but it's still not the same. Oh well, at least I get to sit on my couch.

Talladega, Baby!

This is one of the weekends that I look forward to the most over the course of the year. Me, Jenny, Fran, Rachel, and Sean are all making the trip to the Talladega Super Speedway. Fran, Rachel, and Sean are all newbies to NASCAR and I think they are all in for a big surprise. Now, I am not a psychic but I think I can predict the events of the weekend:
We will leave around 3 a.m., drive to the track, take a bit of a nap, proceed to the hospitality area, eat, drink copious amounts of beer, and watch the race. Only in America, people, only in America.

Rumor has it

From several celeb sites that Britney Spears is pregnant. Five months pregnant. Her son is seven months old. Good Lord. Kevin Federline has SUPER SPERM. Really? Kevin? He is someone that has the ability to produce children without effort? Finally, a sign definite sign that the world is ending.

Access Hollywood

Perez Hilton

MSNBC

There are bad moods and then there is what I was

I was in FOUL mood today and God have mercy on the people that crossed my path at work this morning. I try to be a fun person to work with and be a fairly good worker while I'm there, but today was just not it. I took a nap at my desk in the morning, cried in the back room in the afternoon, and sat on the counter at night and watched someone else work while I bitched. It really is a wonder that I haven't found another job, isn't it? I am in a better mood right now and hope it lasts into tomorrow. Part of the reason I feel better is reading the encouraging comments people have left on this blog and that I really will find the right job for me.

On a side note, something has really been bothering me lately. People who back into parking places. These individuals will spend five minutes or more trying to back into a space so that they will be able to whip out of the space with lightning speed at a future time. They will struggle to straighten their car and back in and pull out and on and on until they park somewhat straight. Sometimes I just want to say "park like a normal person and get out of the g.d. car!"

I'll end the suspense

I didn't get the job. I know I shouldn't be upset because I really wasn't qualified, but I am and that's all I can say about it. Whatever. I don't want to talk about it, so if I haven't called or emailed to discuss it personally, that's why.

On to another topic: Have you ever wanted something and not gotten it and it turned out to be a blessing?

I have and that is why I am trying to put all of this job nonsense into perspective. Some of you ladies who read this blog were in the very same sorority that I was in. Well, when I got my bid, I was miserable. I didn't want to be in that sorority because all of my friends were in another one. I felt sorry for myself and probably worried the actives because they could tell I was less than thrilled. The thing is, it was one of the best things that happened to me in college. I met a lot of people that I remain friends with to this day and I think I had a much better time in the group that I ended up in than any other sorority I could have been in. It was a good fit for me. There are other examples of me not getting what I want and everything turning out for the best, but this is my favorite example because it was one of the most rewarding. With that said, sappy girl time is officially over for 2006.

The Interview

I think it went well. Initially, I met with four people and they asked me typical interview questions, which were fine. They asked me if I had questions for them and I struggled a bit on that one, but I came up with a couple of fairly intelligent questions. After I left, I went and visited Jenny's parent's house and got a call from one of the ladies I interviewed with and she asked me to come back because another lady wanted to meet with me (she had gotten held up in traffic) so I did and that went well. I think it went pretty well and I will let ya'll know if I get any news. Now I am going to sit on my couch and enjoy not being in a suit. They really are just ridiculous.

I have an interview this afternoon

I wasn't nervous this morning, but now I am. I look awful in the pinstripe suit I am wearing and the top I picked is unflattering to say the least. I am leaving my house in eleven minutes and then I will head to my interview and hopefully be calm and fool these people that I am a capable and confident person. It is a technique I used to employ when giving presentations in school. Regardless of how nervous I would feel, I tried to give off an air of being relaxed. Its all in the body posture and making sure they can't see your hands shaking. I am going to go throw up and head out. Updates later.

Dogs are like babies, but babies get to wear diapers

Teddy can be such a bitch sometimes. Let me set the scene for you: Teddy was very thirsty when I got home today and I fed him and gave him water and took him on a walk and he did his business. I took him back inside and he swatted at his water bowl (his oh so subtle sign that he would like a refill) so I filled it to the top and he sucked the bowl dry. Soon he whined at the door and I took him out again and he peed on a bush. We returned indoors and I watched a little Dr. Phil and filled up the dishwasher. During this time, Teddy was whining again and I was ignoring him because he had just been outside and I thought he was faking it. I guess I was wrong. While I have my head down loading dishes, I hear a strange sound and I look up and see Teddy PEEING on the floor not FIVE FEET AWAY FROM ME. Now, this dog has been housetrained for at least two and a half years and he is popping a squat on my living room floor. I was so mad. Don't worry he is still alive, but it was close. Although I did raise my voice and ask "what the HELL is wrong with you?" I didn't beat him or freak out. I took him outside for a longer than usual walk and he is balefully looking at me from the couch at this moment while I give him the silent treatment. Unfortunately, the silent treatment is not all that effective with animals and his baleful look could be sleepiness. Oh well.

Yummy

My new obsession:

vine-ripened tomatoes. I can't get enough. In the past three days I have eaten six and have two more left. I love the taste keep wanting more of them. I guess it's better than craving fried foods or hamburgers. The tomatoes I am currently munching on are grown in Trussville and they are some of my favorites. They are called Blackjack tomatoes and everyone who can get their hands on some should run out and get them. Yum-yum.

The Party

Was fun. There was great food. Anyplace that serves gourmet hamburgers and french fries is awesome in my book. There were also other kinds of great food and these really cool "oyster shooters" which contained a shelled oyster, cocktail sauce, horseradish, and some other stuff and it was DELICIOUS. There were plenty of kegs and other drinks and a great band. It was certainly a lovely party and props to my friend Jenny R. (not the usual Jenny I talk about on here) for a great time.

Hope everybody had a great weekend.

I'm goin' to a party....

I'll let you know all about it when I get back. Yeah!

And?

What do you think about the new template? I felt a need for change. Let me know if you think it is a thumbs up or down.

Sarah mentioned this before

The guy that wanted a Roe v. Wade for men? I saw the guy on television who was arguing that he did not want to be a father and he claims that the woman who got pregnant with HIS baby lied to him and told him she couldn't get pregnant and she was on the pill. He was ordered by a court to pay child support and he is taking her to court because he believes that the law is treating him differently because of his sex.

Well, this guy was on Dr. Phil.

He said that the woman was given choices and he wasn't. She could give her baby up for adoption, abort it, or just abandon it (based on Safe Haven laws that allow a mother to give up her baby at a safe place such as a police station or hospital) and he was not given these choices. Apparently, his ex-girlfriend does not live in a state where her reproductive rights are being erroded on a consistent basis. He is also discounting the bond that a woman often develops while carrying a baby. He also claimed that the baby was not his. He didn't deny that the child was his biologically, but he said that since he was forced into parenthood that the child wasn't
"really" his. Did I mention that he quit wearing a condom during the relationship? That the mother contends that she really believed that she couldn't get pregnant?

I was so mad watching this show because it was the first time I really saw this guy arguing his BULLSHIT point. His lawyer and a representative from the National Organization of Men (hmm) insisted that they believed he would be an "excellent" father at a future date, but he was forced into this situation and that is why he is fighting this so adamantly.

You want to calculate the population of the world if only planned babies were born? I certainly wouldn't be here, as I was a late in life surprise. Sorry to rant, but this just drives me crazy. This guy is trying to assert his rights after hundreds of years of women being relegated to second class citizenry and abuse, but this worm wants to have sex without considering the consequences. Hate to be graphic, but if you are going to stick your dick in something you better be willing to pay the price.

She was.

Rain, rain, go away

No, not really. I LOVE thunderstorms as long as I can relax in my house and watch from my living room window. We have had several really strong storms of late, but I haven't had to be out in them too much. I find them soothing and a great way to spend my down time away from work. I think this is a true sign of being a homebody. Well, I better hit the couch 'cause times a wastin' ;)

Some days I'm Tom Cruise and other days I'm Dustin Hoffman

I refer, of course, to the movie Rainman. Sometimes I feel extremely uncaring and opportunistic and other days I feel autistic because I hate having my routine messed with. I guess I'm more Hoffman than Cruise, but it is really a toss-up which one is better or worse. I know change is supposed to be good for you, but I think it is often unnecessary and just plain disruptive. Sometimes I even want to change my stick-in-the-mood ways, but it is generally more of a fleeting thought and not something I take too seriously. I have pretty much accepted my boring ways...it's no big surprise I want to work someplace like a library.

One down, one to go

You're Welcome. After discussing Katie's never-ending pregnancy she finally went ahead and had her baby. Now, if Angelina Jolie would have her baby all would be right with the world.

The early bird catches the worm...eh, whatever

Well, kids, grandma (me) went to bed at 7:45 last night and she got up at 5:45 this morning. I know that I am supposed to feel refreshed and all that after a long night of rest, but I just want to hop back in bed and sleep some more. I know that it makes sense to stay up and be productive, but why? I have never been all that keen on that 'early to bed and early to rise' mentality. Generally, my attitude has been 'late to bed and get up when I have to'. I don't have to be at work until noon so I really don't have to be up right now. Hmmm. Waking up early does bring me to another topic though and that is my neighbor.

I haven't dicussed him yet in the blog, but he has one strange habit that I have noticed in almost a year of living here. HE NEVER GOES TO BED or HE'S AFRAID OF THE DARK. His light is ALWAYS on. I have been up at all hours while living here. Sometimes I have to get up in the middle of the night for work, or I will be getting in really late from partying, or going to bed really late for some other reason, or getting up fairly early like today...and the light is always on. Jenny proposed that he could be afraid of the dark and that is the reason the light is always on. I don't know about this. He is a grown man with a steady job (a professor at a local conservative college - not the one I went to, the other one) and he seems normal when I have spoken to him. Not like some sleep deprived scaredy-cat. I'm not sure about this one. Anyone have any theories? Vampire, perhaps?

Just do it, already!

I am absolutely sick of hearing about Katie and Angelina's babies. I wish they would just have them already. Is it just me or have they been pregnant way past nine months? From the media storm you would think that they were hatching the next savior. Well, I guess Tom Cruise probably believes that.

ugh.

"Reality" Addiction

I love reality television. I don't want anyone to get the impression that I actually believe that what takes place on these shows is real, but I still think they are interesting. There are four shows right now that are on my Tivo roster:

Cheerleader Nation (Lifetime)
Tuckerville (TLC)
Little People, Big World (TLC)
48 Hours: Mystery (CBS)

Each of these shows focus on people and their lives. 48 Hours: Mystery focuses on true crime and the fascinating aspects of a mystery. Some may call it trash, but I call it entertainment. Check out these shows if you are looking for something interesting and care free to watch and let me know what you think.

The week that was

Thanks to everyone that participated in "first time" week. I had a good time making up the questions and reading everyone's answers. I hope you had fun, too. Now, I will fill you in on the week that I wasn't posting about my exciting life...haha.

I worked out twice this week and I felt really good about it. I had a super hard workout with my friend Fran (he would be mortified if he knew I even mentioned his name on 'da blog) and he put me through hell. I was so sore the next two days that it was ridiculous. I limped around my house and could barely sit down (just picture the problems that presents in ALL sorts of situations). Aside from the soreness, I felt better than I have in a long time and I plan on hitting the gym again this week. On the job front, I have had several job leads this week so I am feeling more hopeful about that as well. All in all, the week was fine. I had several bumps with people at work and a couple of friends, but that has all been resolved and I feel pretty good about next week.

When was the first time you...: Thursday Night (afternoon)

This one is reader's choice. I'm thinking something along the lines of (thanks to some suggestions from a friend) first car, first time you felt like an adult, first time you got your heartbroken, first time you lost a friend, etc. Let's make this interesting folks. It's your pick.

Here's my pick: First time I felt like an adult.

The first time I felt like an adult was when I moved into my first apartment with two other girls (Sarah F. I'm talking to you). Dorm living allowed me to be pretty independent, but this was the first time I was paying for most of my bills and I felt pretty good about it. It was also the first time I had a full-time job and my own health insurance...all the works. The first night we moved in felt like we were in a condo. Everything was really new and most of the furniture wasn't mine. I had a lot of fun that year despite some bumps along the way. I am still friends with one of the girls and I learned the importance of give and take and taking out the trash when it's "your turn" (something that one of the roomies never quite grasped).

When was the first time you...:Wednesday Night

Ever fell in love

Ha! This is an easy one for me. I have never been in love before. I told you I was a late bloomer. I have had major crushes and interests, but I have never been in love. I know this is a cop-out for today's topic, but I'm really tired so this was the best I could come up with. Maybe I will tell you about someone who was in love with me...hmmm, I'll have to think about that one.

P.S. Just a note about tomorrow, I will be posting the last topic of the week early b/c Friday's are not a very big blogging day.

When was the first time you...: Tuesday Night

Ever were kissed (a real one, not something from kindergarten)

I shall admit that I was a bit of a late bloomer (I'm not too sure I have fully bloomed yet, but I digress) and my first kiss came right after my fifteenth birthday - it was a big year. I was at a cousin's wedding and met one of his little brother's friends who was very flirty with me. It was the first time an older guy had ever been interested in me and I thought it was great...um, did I mention he was 23? I know, I know, at the time I thought it was sooooo cool, but as I got older I realized it was kind of icky. I don't care, I still think of it in my fifteen year-old way and it was dreamy. He asked me if I would ride with him to get cigarettes (I know, I hate smoking, but I wasn't as adamantly opposed at the time) and I said "sure!" We drove around and he got his smokes and when he got back in the car he asked me to kiss him! I was so nervous, but I leaned in and had my first kiss...with a 23 child molester. Whatever, it didn't seem so bad at the time. Ahhhh, memories...

When was the first time you...: Monday Night

Okay, so it's not technically Monday night, but I had a request from a bored reader to post early so here goes:

You ever got drunk?

The first time I ever got drunk was at my brother's rehearsal dinner (the first one, as it turns out) and I was 15 (about a month shy of 16) and there was an open bar. My brother's friends kept sneaking me drinks -although, looking back I am pretty sure my parents knew what was going on. By the time I sat down for the dinner I had four different drinks sitting in front of me (I have never been a half-assed drinker) and I was starting to feel the effects of the adult beverages. As I had never been drunk before, it took me a couple of minutes to figure out what was wrong with me and then I got really paranoid and worried that my parents would freak out. My brother happened to get up and in some sort of drunken, slurred "whisper" I told my brother I needed help. He was a little annoyed (being part of his special day and all) and I informed him that I thought I "might" be intoxicated. He escorted me to the bathroom where I splashed some water on my face and I sobered up a bit after walking around. That's about it for the first time being drunk. Incidentally, the second time I got drunk was the next night at the reception :)

When was the first time you...: Sunday Night

When was the first time you realized your parents didn't know it all (i.e. made a bad/wrong decision, expressed doubt, acted "human")?

The first time I realized that my parents might not have all the right answers was about the time I was in fifth grade. My mother, father and I were out shopping one day and we ran into some family friends. I was impatient to move on, but my parents were discussing various things and one of the friends asked how the "move and house hunt was going." I looked at my parents in confusion and asked what was going on and they said that we would talk about it later. I got really upset and stalked off while they finished their conversation. Long story short, it turned out that my father was offered a promotion and we were supposed to move from Nashville to Charlotte, NC over the summer. They had known for months and had never said anything because they thought I was going to be upset. Umm, yeah, I was. The end of this story is that my parents never said they were sorry and never thought they had done anything wrong. We didn't end up moving and I wasn't forced to leave my friends, but I never forgot that my parents were planning a whole new life for us and never mentioned it to me. I know it seems like a small thing, but it really made me doubt their honesty. Generally, I trusted my parents, but after this incident things were different. Sometimes the small things leave long memories.

Note about next week

I have deemed next week "First Time" week. Get your mind out of the gutter...I am going post five questions over the course of the week (Sunday night through Thursday night) and I would like a reader response to the question of the day. In the spirit of fairness, I will share my own memories. Let your imagination run wild...see you Sunday night.

A National Embarassment

Nope, not talking about the prez, but someone who has got to reach rock bottom at some point. Upon the urging of my close friend Peyton I have been frequenting the Perez Hilton blog/site and I came across one of the most horrifying pictures of the person I am focusing on for the day.
I present to you:

Tara Reid

Ha!

Katie isn't paying attention to me right now so I decided to post a little something while she's watching tivo. I know she talks about all the "secrets" she shares with the blog world and how "honest" she is, but I am here to tell you that that bitch lies. Here is how it really is:

I don't tear things up. I don't eat things I'm not supposed to. I don't make messes. Actually, I tidy up after myself. Sometimes, when I have helped myself to a snack I make sure that ALL the crumbs are cleaned up so that she won't get mad. After all of my effort she just yells at me and says "bad boy." Heh. I'm a man, not a boy. I will have you know in people years I am 25! Another thing she complains about is my mess. Ahem. You know that glass house? She sure is throwing stones from it. When Grandpa was here over the weekend he looked all over the house and just shuddered and got out a sponge and some 409. SHE sat on the couch and watched tv. I sat next to him while he was at work in case he needed me to pick up any crumbs off the floor.

Uh-oh. She's coming over here. Gotta go....just wanted ya'll to know the truth. Post more later.

Seacrest out,
Teddy

It drives me crazy and I guess it shouldn't

Sad news to report and I know I should have mentioned it earlier, but Lucy Goosey and her owner have moved. I was really sad to see them go, but over the last few weeks her owner dressed her up in all kinds of super cute outfits (maybe showcasing the best of her work) and it was bittersweet. Now that the lady and her goose are gone there is a handicapped space in front of the apartment that isn't being used. My downstairs neighbor (the semi-loud one) has taken it upon herself to start parking there - even when there are several other perfectly good parking places available. I know that the lady that the space was intended for is no longer there, but it totally irks me. This twit is already on my bad side and now she is making it worse by parking in spaces reserved for the physically handicapped (which, by being forced to listen to the antics that take place in her bedroom when her boyfriend is over, is clearly not an issue). I realize that there is no one who needs that spot and that the apartment people will probably turn it into a regular spot - the fact remains that there is still a little blue handicapped man painted on the cement and she should back off.

I am so petty.

Poll the audience

I have been thinking over the last few weeks that I want to write something. I'm not sure what, but I feel like I have something to say. I have toyed with the idea for the last few years, but these past few months of working a dead end job has left my mind somewhat idle and I feel like I want to do something mentally productive. Although I read a lot of romance novels, I just want to write something, not romance. You are supposed to write what you know and that is certainly not something I know. Maybe something more autobiographical. I'm not sure. Any ideas?

Holy Crap, Batman!

It has occured to me in the last few days that I need a full body/life makeover. Now, I know that I keep harping on this topic, but I really need to get serious because I have a little over a year to lose 1 million pounds (or so) and look fabulous for two extremely important events: my brother's wedding and my 10 year high school reunion. I can't believe I am so old that I will be having a 10 year reunion, but that really has nothing to do with my task. So I'm old? I'll get over it. There have to be at least two or three other people older than me, right? Aside from that...I also want to look good in my god-awful bridesmaid dress. If I have to get dressed up, I will damn sure look fabulous in my chosen frock. I figure I will rejoin WW (weight watchers) because it works and it is affordable and I just can't seem to make an eating disorder stick.

2 Years

April 3rd is the two year mark of the day my mom passed away. I have talked alot about my mom on this blog. Most of the time I like to mention her quirks and other crazy things she did, but I wanted to give ya'll a more well rounded picture of my mom. Some of the people who read this blog met her, but most of you haven't and that is why I am giving you a glimpse of her.

My mom:
- lived all over the south, including her favorite place, Key West.
- she went to LSU, Northwestern (the one in Louisiana), University of Texas, and Ole Miss. She got a Masters in History and was all but dissertation in her Ph.D program (also in history)
- She got her pilots license when she was in her 20s
- She was 31 when she got married - my dad was 23 ;) - cradle robber...
- She worked as a social worker and teacher and she was great at both
- If you wanted to know anything about history she ALWAYS had the answer
- She was scared of babies and got full body hives after she had my brother and 9 years later when she had me
- She was really proud of her kids and NEVER hesitated to tell us
- She loved my dad and never hesitated to tell him
- She was really funny and witty (I like to think I got that from her)
- Most of my friends thought she was a pretty cool lady
- I could always tell when she was getting dressed up to go out because she put on her Chanel No. 5
- I still miss her alot, but truly believe that she is happier where she is.

And that was my mom.

Cleaning update

Well, despite my panic earlier in the week, I really didn't get too much accomplished related to cleaning. I did some cursory work on Monday (or was it Tuesday?) night and that was about it. Last night I felt motivated again and popped an old tape in the VCR (The Big Chill) and set about to cleaning the dreaded bedroom. Unfortunately, I had the BRILLIANT idea to rearrange my room. This created an even bigger mess and I am not all that excited about the new placement of my furniture. There are only a limited amount of arrangements the room can sustain as I have two closets and a big window (translation: 3 out of 4 walls are broken up in some way). I woke up this morning and kind of said to myself "D'Oh!" I am planning on making some improvements when I get home this afternoon, but I have a feeling my dad is going to go into some sort of shock when he enters my cluttered abode. Sigh.

Hey

Don't expect Miss Mary Sunshine to make an appearance if you tell me that I look tired and then wonder why I don't thank you for the unwanted comment. It was 7:35 in the morning, forgive me if I don't appear to be bouncing off the walls with joy and happiness. You can sure as hell guarantee that my mood is not going to improve now.

there's a limit

After applying for sainthood (still waiting to hear back from the Vatican) I had to speak to my neighbor this evening about her horrible taste in music and the volume at which she was playing it. I didn't actually dis the music, but I did ask her to turn it down. She was nice about (I'm sure she starts stories with "my crazy upstairs neighbor" or "that bitch that lives above me" - but you can add this fact to the list of things that I couldn't give a crap about). She turned the music down and now I have a running tally of six neighbors that I have told to shut the f*ck up (although in much nicer words). This is another reason I need to get a real job so I can start paying a mortgage on a house that is so far from another human you would need a GPS system to find civilization. I will have the record show that I remained calm and didn't have meltdown. I still see this as another victory.

Things I couldn't give a crap about:

1. Jessica Simpson's interest in adopting a baby or not.
2. The Christian convert who was granted asylum in Italy. Fine. We get it.
3. That creepy Britney Spears giving birth sculpture (ick. double ick)
4. FEMA.
5. George W. Bush and anything that happens in with his administration staff.
6. The obesity pandemic of America. I get it. We're fat.
7. Profanity on television. It's a few curse words. You're children have heard worse. It's an ugly world.

People need to find new things to bitch about. This stuff is ridiculous.

My troubles are over

Everyone can rest assured that they don't need to worry about me anymore. All of my problems have been taken care of. What happened, you ask? Well, yesterday I checked my mail and low and behold I had a wonderful letter in the mail that said that I had just received the gift of Jesus (apparently, He travels through the post office these days - next stop email). Who can resist that message? I pulled everything out of the envelope and there was this extremely creepy picture of (what I assume) was their version of the Jesus. On the bottom of this large piece of paper (approximately the size of one of those posters a tween can get in the latest copy of Tiger Beat) it said "Christian Prayer Rug." On the back it instructed me to kneel on this rug - or if I couldn't kneel - touch the paper to both knees and all my prayers would be answered. Also included were testimonials from two women. One of these most pious of women had won $46,000 and the other was "healed" (from what it never said). My reaction? I'm IN! I'm just gonna get down on my knees and squeeze myself on my new paper rug and make a big ole' wish. The letter also implored me to share this important message with my friends...so, get excited...a prayer rug may be coming your way...

Panic Mode!

I talked to my dad last night and he mentioned that he may come down to visit me this weekend. I would like for him to visit and it will probably be nice to have him around because we don't get a lot of father daughter time, but he should have given me more warning. My apartment is a wreck. No, cross that, it's a total disaster area and it is amazing that I haven't actually lost Teddy in the piles of rubble. It's not dirty, just incredibly messy. Generally, I don't have a lot of people over to my house so I don't have to worry about public ridicule for my slothfulness. Jenny comes over fairly regularly, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't say anything about it. I am currently at work, but I think I am going to make a game plan for digging out. I think I will start in the bedroom because this is the place that I always lose interest in after cleaning the rest of the apartment. Usually, I figure that I can just hide everything in the closet or the far side of the bed (you can't see anything if you place things strategically - or pitch them quickly as I have been known to do). Maybe this time I will actually clean all the rooms (all four of them). Who knows, stranger things have happened.

I'm maturing

Tonight, my downstairs neighbor has been quite loud (well, for me) and has played music and their television quite loud and my anxiety level has stayed pretty low. For those of you who don't know, this is a BIG deal. I believe sainthood could be next. Cross your fingers