Don't kid yourself

One of the most annoying phrases I hear is "I've been dancing since I was 2."

No. No you haven't. That would be allowing for quite a flexible definition of 'dancing'

Following the logic here are the other things that I have been doing since I was 2:


* I, too, have been a painter and sculpted since toddlerhood. Some of my early work is more Cubist, but I believe quite impressive.

* Driving. I easily navigated the roads on my big wheel or tricycle to the point that I should have considered a career as a professional driver.

* Writer. Sure some of my 'scribblings' were difficult to interpret, but no less intriguing. It was still important to get my message out.

* Decorating - I have heard stories about some of the many ways I managed to alter my surroundings. Personally, I object to the term destructive. I'm more fond of the phrase 'creative removal.'



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Location:Home, yo

MAGIC!!!!

For those of you who have read this blog before, you know my ongoing issues/hijinks with Kenny G. - particularly regarding Christmas...here is what happened a couple of days ago:

I woke up last Sunday and checked my email and noticed ol' Kenny had forwarded me a flight confirmation. At first I thought he had booked a ticket to come visit without checking with me (panic!), but I read the first line that he had written in the forwarded email: "could you print this for me and mail it to me?"

Really? There's no one in Nashville that you know that owns a printer? No one??

Oh, did I mention I bought him a web connected printer for Christmas a month ago? A printer that I connected myself, and tested?????? I left him a very large note explaining that he needed the email address assigned to the printer for it to work and to NOT throw the paper away.

I emailed the forwarded document to the printer's email address and printed it myself. To his printer. In Nashville. From Birmingham. Without getting out of bed.

Five minutes later he calls and says "How did you do that?? I tried printing for 30 minutes and it wouldn't work."

Sooooo...let's just take a moment to imagine how his struggle to print went:

G#^%*%*% Fu#*<€~€~ Printer won't Fu#^{!.£ work. Katie should just leave the da;& thing alone!!!

I'm surprised my ears weren't burning from the horrible things he was saying about me ;)

Oh, Kenny.

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Location:Home, yo

Getaways

In about a month a few friends and I are going to a cabin in Gatlinburg. It's a trip I thought of and booked. Do you know what I have done? I have planned a couples weekend, people. Everyone else who is going is a couple. Maybe they would have more fun without me in their couply-hood, but too bad. I'm a fun girl and plan on having an awesome time. I love all of my friends' significant others. They are good men who are good to my friends. I'm not lying. Trust me, I have made my feelings VERY clear when I'm not a fan of one of my friends' boyfriends or girlfriends. If you want someone to say yes and make you feel better about a bad relationship - find.someone.else. I'm too old to lie to you....but I digress!

I'm planning my next adventure! I'm going to enjoy a (however cliche and overused the phrase is) staycation. I'm thinking Ross Bridge Resort here in town, room service, movies on demand, and spa services. I think it will be awesome. I may even let someone go with me, but the jury is out. Sometimes I'm my own best company. :)


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Location:Home

Debbie Downer in the house...

Not so much. I'm in a better place. I'll have something clever to say imminently...


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Location:Home

Acting

I love my friends. I actually like people. I really do. I write this because what I might write probably won't reflect this.

I feel like I act everyday. I pretend to care about the things that other people seem to. I joke about being meaner everyday, but I don't think that's true. I'm colder everyday. I don't care about a lot of things I 'should.' it's exhausting to pretend all day. I think I probably come off as unfeeling and I think part of it must be that if I let myself care and think I would never stop. I would be a flood of emotion. If you don't care about anything then nothing can hurt. But, that's not really true, huh? I do care and hurt. I just feel sad or lonely and my life seems to be a cycle of doing all of the things that don't lead me to good things. Over and over and over. And over. That's where I am.

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Location:Home

I mean, really?

If you read my facebook status then you might know I encountered a very special person today...lucky for you there was something in the air because that person wasn't the only crazy motherf*cker I came across.

Glenn Beck' best friend:
-so I had a lady come to the desk and ask if I could help her send a message to Glenn Beck. I told her I could let her use the Internet. She indicated that she just wanted to send him a message, but wasn't so good with typing and would I do it for her? I said no, I could not do that. She then asked if she could dictate the message to me and then copy what I wrote down. I indicated another negative. I told her if she wanted to send him a message online that she was probably going to need an email address. She said she didn't have one and then asked if she could use my email. Um. No. Could she use the library's email address? Um. No. Then she tried to exit the library via the elevator. I.Sh*t.You.Not.

Sick? So what?
A babysitter brought some of her charges to the library today and one of the kids upchucked in the kiddie section. He then frolicked off to the computers to play a game. When C asked the babysitter to take him to the restroom and also asked if he wouldn't touch the computers, The World's No. 1 Caregiver got pissed. "Is this your policy?". Really? Is it just me or does vomit indicate you MIGHT not be totally well and not smear your hands all over something that a bunch of other kids touch? Keep the pestilence to yourself, lady.

Just Practicin'
We had someone who logged in and out of the computers about half a dozen times today. She indicated she was practicing so that would know exactly what to do the next time she visited, but "that thing" kept flashing black at her. I went to the computer to see what she was referring to and found out that it was the...wait for it...cursor.

We are doomed as a civilization.

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Location:Home

How things change

10 years ago I was 22. I was about 4 months away from graduating from college. Pretty uneasy about going out into the "Real World" because I had no idea what I wanted to 'be.'

In my family (perhaps environment) the expectation was that you go to college. There were a few people I was in school with who didn't plan on going to school straight out of high school and this was a pretty big deal. I was always taught or led to believe that you go to college and then you graduate (after 4 years, of course!) and magically you were supposed to be something. Some people had it figured out... Lawyer...doctor...teacher...etc. I thought I would go to law school - not because I knew anything about it or had a calling - and I was wrong. I majored in history and poli-sci because I liked the subjects and not because I wanted to REALLY do anything with either field. Once I graduated I worked at a gym because I didn't know what else to do and I didn't want to move home. I decided to go to graduate school after 9/11 and I realized that life is short and I needed to do something about finding a career. Long story short I got a couple of Master's degrees and became a librarian. It is a perfect profession for me and basically I have been incredibly lucky regarding my career.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this down. If you're reading this...you know this story. I guess my point is things change and no matter how good certain parts of my life have turned out, it is hard for me to figure out how I got to this point in my life.

This is not what imagined and I'm glad I couldn't predict the future because my 22 year old self would be PISSED.


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Location:Home

HIMYM

For those in the know that stands for How I Met Your Mother. I've been a fan of the show since the second season. I like it because it's about people my age going through some of the same things I am or have experienced. This week's episode was a one-two punch of issues that I or my friends have dealt with. Lily and Marshall are anxious because they haven't gotten pregnant yet and I have one friend in particular that is experiencing this problem and it has caused her and her husband so much anguish. The other topic snuck up at the end of the ep when Lily had to tell Marshall that his dad died. Oh. Such a sucker punch. There is something that is inexplicable about losing a parent. If you haven't had it happen you can't know how it feels. How you think you're over it and then something sets you off. How you see other people with their mom or dad and you are sooooo jealous. How you have things to tell them or things you want advice on. My mom died almost seven (!!!) years ago and it is much better, but I will miss her for the rest of my life. The only thing that does make me feel better is that I was somewhat ready. During the episode Marshall chokes 'I'm not ready.' When I was 19 the doctors told us to expect the worst and start making arrangements. It was the middle of the night when I had to reach out to a friend and sob that I wasn't ready. That I didn't know how to take care of myself. I didn't know how to cook, or do laundry, or all the things I thought it meant to be an adult. When she did die 6 years later I was as ready as you can be for something like that. That is what I'm thankful for at the end of the day.

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Location:Home

Are you out there?

I need help. I may even tell you what I need.

housewives fever

I am ridiculously addicted to almost all of Bravo TV's Real Housewives series - the exception would be the ladies of D.C. - BORING! Regardless, I like watching their ridiculous antics, spending habits, and what they consider 'normal.' Currently, the featured towns are Beverly Hills and Atlanta. One of the more annoying women is Camille Grammer, soon to be ex of Frasier. I watched the episode where her friend, Allison DuBois - inspiration for the show Medium - was on. I have watched Medium since it started over five years ago. Good stuff, kind of spooky, but also a good mystery each week. On the Real Housewives episode she was a total bitch. She turns out to be a rude, electric cigarette smoking nightmare. I was sad that the last episode of Medium is on this month, but seeing how Ms. DuBois is a effing nut job quack, I think I'll get over the loss.

Many movies

Over the course of the holidays I saw quite a number of movies...

True Grit, 2010: A-
True Grit, 1969: B+
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1: B+ (lower grade because I wanted to see both parts at once)
Inception: A-
The Big Lebowski: A (first time I saw it all the way through. The Dude also inspired me to enjoy a few White Russians - yum)
The Ladies in Lavender: B
Young Victoria: A
The King's Speech: A, someone give Colin Firth an Oscar already!

All in all a worthy movie watching time was had :)


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Location:Pelham, AL

Southern Gothic

At the beginning of December I visited my family in Louisiana and learned about family stories that I had never heard and it has inspired me to think about writing in a more organized and professional manner. There is some true humor and tragedy in my family history and I think I would like to write something inspired by these accounts. I'm by no means a writer, but I have felt I have a story to tell for a while. This blog was originally part of this feeling, but I think I want to step it up a bit. Thoughts? (assuming anyone reads this...)


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Location:Nashville,United States

how low can you go?

I was just reading a little more about the Drew Peterson case - you know, the scumbag police officer who is accused of killing his third and fourth wives. Well, it has got me wondering...what do these women see in him? When he was arrested for killing his third wife they showed a picture of his current fiancée and she is cute and really young. Is it some sort of daddy complex? Are they so lacking in self esteem that some guy in his 50s (to your early 20s) seems like a prime catch? Oh and did I mention that his third wife "accidentally" drowned in a bathtub with no water and his fourth wife suddenly up and left leaving her two kids behind? Where do I sign up for Mr. Right? Clearly, I have been looking in the wrong places for a significant other. I need to start scouring the newspapers for men under a cloud of suspicion for killing their domestic partners. I am just too picky I guess. I so find felonies unattractive.

Baffling

Hanging around my family reminds me that there is a strong contingent of people that really loathe Obama. Most of my friends (except you, AEC) are pretty big supporters of our president and breathed a sigh of relief when he won the election. I had to listen to several family members discuss how he is a Socialist and he is trying to tax people to death and all of those wonderfully enlightening things that Fox News (Fair and Balanced, people - if you say it, it's got to be true) spouts off about. One of my favorite family members also said that like her granddaughter, I will change my mind when I "grow up." Talk about mixed messages. Everyone says that I need to be more responsible now that I have hit 30 and that all my good years are behind me (usually from the people younger than me) and now I hear that I am still waiting to grow up. I tried to be nice - since she is a favorite - and noted that I am eight years older than her granddaughter and I can think for myself. Aaargghh.

Treating myself

I have been on quite the shopping extravaganza the last few days...I got my haircut and colored ($135) got Teddy's haircut ($48 - can you believe that!) and I bought an iPhone! I was going to be sensible and not succumb to the need boiling inside of me for something to replace my iTouch, but when I didn't get anywhere with VERIZON WIRELESS again I decided to just throw in the towel and head for greener pastures. Luckily for me, the AT&T store was just a few paces down the road and I was steamed enough to just throw caution to the wind and buy one. As you have probably already imagined....I love it. I can't wait to take it home and sync it with my computer. (I'm in Nashville at the moment) Such a nerd. I will be keeping this one with me at all times and I will have a net tracker on the b*tch to make sure no one runs off with it!

Happy Memorial Day and I hope everyone is enjoying a relaxing few days off from work!

Oh, Yes, Hugh Jackman

This past weekend I went to see Wolverine with the roommie. I have wanted to see it ever since I saw the trailer where he emerges from the water all sorts of naked and muscle-y. The movie was full of eye candy and it didn't disappoint. In terms of a storyline it was no Iron Man and certainly no Dark Knight. That's okay, I wasn't really expecting a cinematic masterpiece. I think the next movie I am going to see is Star Trek. I believe hell hath frozen over because I would never have predicted that I would have an interest in anything having to do with Spock or Kirk. Just not my thing. My first cousins on my mom's side are big Trekkies and I could never understand it. The unattractive outfits, the elf ears, the strange hand gesture that I have to concentrate to make...eh, I never really got it. Now that Chris Pine has come on the scene, I believe I can get on board. He is one fine looking gentleman. I would love to be in a Hugh Jackman/Chris Pine sandwich. The only problem with that would be the gay vibe. I mean, would they start hooking up with each other? Not cool. Maybe I should just look at them as two separate pieces of cake that need to be consumed on different days. Hmmm. Ponder, ponder, ponder.

Yes, people, this is what I think about.

Here are the many things

That I could give a flying f*ck about

Rhianna and Chris Brown - two people who are too young with too much money

Swine Flu - if it gets you it gets you

Lindsay Lohan - she's just sad and lost

People complaining about taxes - I would rather my tax money go to "socialist" causes than a pointless war without an end

American Idol - Please, Jesus, make it stop. It is like a bad penny. It just keeps coming back

Twitter - get on it or don't, but quit talking about it like it is the second coming

Alright, I am feeling a bit like Eeyore, so I best get myself to bed.

Best Business Practices

About a week and a half ago I dropped my phone on the pavement. It was open at the time and I looked it over and it seemed fine. I dialed my brother's number and put the phone to my ear, but I didn't hear anything. It soon dawned on me that something was wrong with the phone. After a little experimentation, I realized the phone would only work on speakerphone. Now almost 14 days later it continues to do this, but intermittently. Sometimes it works like it should and sometimes not, but there is no predicting. I took the phone to VERIZON WIRELESS and the lady was very nice and suggested that the problem could be that I hadn't updated my phone and the data was outdated. I tried to explain that it wasn't a data issue but a mechanical one. She said that it didn't really matter. I still had to do the update and needed to demonstrate what was wrong with the phone. Remember the intermittent part? Um, yeah. A little hard to predict when the phone will work or won't. My option? Nothing. She told me that they couldn't replace, repair, or generally do anything until I am due to get a new phone in November. NOVEMBER. I kindly asked her when my prison sentence would be up with VERIZON WIRELESS (and then I speculated that 2012 sounded about right). As it turns out I will be paroled in March but if I want to get out of my contract before that they will expect me to pay a penalty of approximately $34,000,000 - give or take a few zeros. So if I talk to any of you on the phone just remember that the conversation is potentially being monitored by anyone that happens to be in the vicinity.

Seriously?

If you are a facebook friend, you have probably already seen this, but my beloved iPod Touch was absconded with. Someone stole it. I am so f*cking mad, it is unreal. I think I know who did it, too. There were these two kids in the department I work in at the library and I left my desk and when I came back it was gone. You know what makes me so mad about this whole thing, though? I worked for that piece of technology. I spent my money on it and now it is gone. I follow all the rules and then some worthless person walks off with MY property. WTF? I changed my pw on gmail and on facebook, so hopefully they won't be able to access my personal info. I hope. I hope they are playing with the motherf*cker and they wander into traffic. So now I have to decide if I am going to buy another one. Probably. It's like someone cut off my reliable connection to heroin. Sh*t.

People, let me tell you about my best friend...

So the trouble with the title of this blog is that I don't have one. Now that is not to say that don't have really good friends, but they all have someone else. For the last year or so I have been feeling quite lonely. It is what finally encouraged me to do the whole online dating thing and just generally bitch about my state of affairs - or lack there of. Tonight I was walking Teddy and just pondering the whole subject and I realized that I have always had a best friend. Someone that I spent quite a lot of time with and we just hung out all the time. This gets to the tricky part of this post. I am not going to name names, but if you think part of this post is about you you're probably right. So, to begin, let's trace the trajectory of my bfs over the last three decades. I had one main bestie from early childhood to high school. There were other people who I was very close to at the time as well, but one person in particular. Off to college - freshman year I had a new bestie, sophomore and junior year I had another, senior year up to about a year or two ago I had another bff. Now, everyone has moved on to better, more fulfilling things and I am still here. It makes me sad. I don't know how to go from here. Oh I still have some great people in my life, but the circle keeps shrinking and it feels like I'm truly going to be alone. I can't tell you how depressing that is. I just don't know what to do. I wish I could go back in time and prepare my 15, or 20, or 25 year old self for this because it sucks. I always feared being alone and I guess that was a self-fulfilling prophecy, huh? Ain't it a bitch.