Orphans all around us

I have come to the disturbing conclusion that this world is populated by a large number of orphaned children. I have two primary examples to support my observation:

1. Badly behaved, parentless children in public places: The only reasonable explanation for these unattended children must be that they have lost their parents in some sort of tragic tennis accident. Clearly, it would be absolutely ridiculous for responsible adults to bring children to public places (for example, where I work or the mall) and let them run around and get into anything they want. I was at Williams-Sonoma and I observed two children using tongs to "straighten" their hair by running them through their sweaty locks like a flat iron. Another favorite is children paddling around in the whirlpool like it was a really hot above-ground pond.

2. The Real World: this show has been on for 38 seasons in approximately 14 years and the cast members have become increasingly slutty and seemingly devoid of any moral fiber or work ethic. The only thing that can explain this blatant display of unacceptable behavior is that their parents are dead and will not have to suffer the embarrassment of seeing their son or daughter hop into bed with strangers and engage in drunken fistfights on a regular basis. The best part is that they top off the incessant partying with probably the worst job performance recorded in modern history. It doesn't matter what job these people are assigned they manage to take their laziness to a new low each and every season and confirm the opinions that older people have about our generation.