Flying Solo

My friends are busy this weekend. Some are out of town, some are studying, and some are working. I am not working and not doing anything for once and I am quite glad. I've been really tired lately and I just can't get enough sleep. My big plan for this weekend is to watch movies and...clean my apartment. I know I have said it before, but I really mean it this time. I am heading out town the middle of next week and I don't want to come back to a disaster area. I need to do some major cleaning and throwing away stuff I don't need. My apartment is just not big enough for extra stuff. It is already crammed full of crap and I need to weed and make everything more organized. Maybe I will buy some sort of shelving or drawers to get everything together. Hmmm, I must think about this.

Fine, I'm nosy

I admit that I like to know what the people around me are doing. Not to an obsessive degree, but I do find the people who live around my apartment particularly curious. Tonight's topic is my downstairs neighbor.

I can't figure out what she does. From what I can tell she is not in school (i.e. no parking pass, school stickers, regular outings from her apartment, etc.) and has an extremely part-time job. Her boyfriend hangs out all the time and they watch t.v. incessantly. I like my apartment complex, but it is not the type of place the independently wealthy find themselves. I guess she could be a really poor heiress or just extremely lazy who's beyond all logic paying her bills. Don't worry, I really don't think about this all the time, but I do have such a strange schedule that I am at home at weird times of the day and she is usually here. In the same parking space. I have decided on three possible occupations:

exotic dancer
Jimmy Kimmel Show t.v. watcher
Homeless person that the apartment people don't know is living here

Dad's not the only one enjoying retirement...

I speak to my father very regularly. During the week, we usually talk everyday (weekends are something different). This week I have called the house and both my father and brother are taking naps after a busy day of errands. Brother dear is supposed to be looking for a job - Dad can nap all he wants, he earned it. I am just waiting to come home and finding the two of them puttering around in the back yard wearing matching velour track suits. This is not good, people, this is not good.

Orphans all around us

I have come to the disturbing conclusion that this world is populated by a large number of orphaned children. I have two primary examples to support my observation:

1. Badly behaved, parentless children in public places: The only reasonable explanation for these unattended children must be that they have lost their parents in some sort of tragic tennis accident. Clearly, it would be absolutely ridiculous for responsible adults to bring children to public places (for example, where I work or the mall) and let them run around and get into anything they want. I was at Williams-Sonoma and I observed two children using tongs to "straighten" their hair by running them through their sweaty locks like a flat iron. Another favorite is children paddling around in the whirlpool like it was a really hot above-ground pond.

2. The Real World: this show has been on for 38 seasons in approximately 14 years and the cast members have become increasingly slutty and seemingly devoid of any moral fiber or work ethic. The only thing that can explain this blatant display of unacceptable behavior is that their parents are dead and will not have to suffer the embarrassment of seeing their son or daughter hop into bed with strangers and engage in drunken fistfights on a regular basis. The best part is that they top off the incessant partying with probably the worst job performance recorded in modern history. It doesn't matter what job these people are assigned they manage to take their laziness to a new low each and every season and confirm the opinions that older people have about our generation.

Poll the audience: Weddings

I went to a shower Saturday night and I had a good time partly because it was not one of those "stuffy" teas or whatnot. I realize that I am not the most sentimental or girly person and I tend to think that a lot of the stuff that goes on with weddings is silly. Since my brother is getting married in less than a year, I will have to be an active participant in a much of this craziness. Apparently, some people like this stuff and I really want to know where people stand on weddings and the accompanying hoopla. From what I have already written you may have guessed that my idea of the perfect wedding is something akin to a keg party. I figure if I ever get married I'll have three showers: a pajama shower (everyone gets to wear p.j.'s and gives me whatever they want), a beer shower (super casual and everyone has to give me something related to the brew), and a NASCAR shower (everyone has to wear something that relates to NASCAR - excluding Jeff Gordon, Jimmie Johnson, the Busch brothers, Greg Biffle, Carl Edwards, etc. - and give me something related to Dale Jr.). My "dress" will probably be track pants and a t-shirt, all my bridesmaids will wear what they want. All of this is to be followed by a really big party and a honeymoon in Hawaii.

With that being said, what do you think about weddings?

She's gone too far this time

It's Teddy again. I know I haven't posted in a while and that is because I am really lazy in the summers and things have been fairly uneventful...until this past weekend.

I got a haircut

A home haircut

That bitch practically used a flowbee to cut my beautiful hair. It was not that I didn't need a cut and curl, but she could have loosened the purse strings and sprung for a f*ckin' pro. Let me set the scene for you:

It was a lovely Sunday afternoon where the scalding temperature of a mid-July day hit around 143 degrees. The humdity hovered around 99.9% and luckily I was placed in the middle of the sun on a rusty old patio table. It get's worse. They turn on this metal torture machine that kept making scary noises and they cut on my hair with no rhyme or reason. The shaver wasn't even for animals. It was for (gasp) HUMAN hair. They shaved me everywhere...yes, even there. I lost ten pounds during the ordeal and practically passed out from heat stroke. She's trying to kill me, people. She won't be happy until I have no hair, weigh three pounds and look like some homeless dog. She better sleep lightly. This will not go unpunished.

The Rules of Adjustment

Here's the thing: when guys adjust themselves in public, it's gross. I have really noticed this bad habit the past few years. You will be talking to someone and there they go reaching for their junk. Please, if you are so uncomfortable or weighted down with your cumbersome package, take yourself to the restroom or some other place of relative privacy and move things around. It causes me to lose my train of thought when I am carrying on a conversation and someone starts touching themselves inappropriately. You don't see me doing that and I shouldn't see guys doing that. They should add this to those Miller Lite "Man Laws."

I need some suggestions

My dad had his retirement party catered by several people (separate people for meat, sides, desserts) and I came across the most fabulous Greek dressing EVER. It is fantastic. Very tasty and I don't have adequate words to describe the deliciousness of this concoction. Well, I absconded with the dressing and took it 200 miles south because I knew that there was no one in my house who could properly enjoy the dressing. It has now been in my refrigerator for a day and I am not sure what to do with it. Sure, the obvious answer is to put it on salad and let that be, but it seems to simple. I feel like I could add it to pasta or potatoes or something like that. Maybe a marinade? There is a little over two cups, so the supply is limited and I don't want to waste it. I know I need to describe it better, so here goes: it has an extremely rich flavor, garlic, feta cheese, extra virgin olive oil, and some other mysterious yet yummy spices and other flavors. Suffice to say, it is unmatched. What would you do with it?

Observations about food and diet

Two things:

1. Recently, I have seen a Stouffer's commercial advertising their paninis. It shows a person biting into one with a lot of joy on their face while sitting on a couch during the middle of a party. I have had the Lean Cuisine Paninis and they are delicious, but that is beside the point. If I go to someone's house for a get together, no matter how casual, I expect my host or hostess to put a little more effort into the party food. I don't want a microwaveable sandwich. I want snacks, cheese, a little crudités, things with toothpicks stuck in them. Basically, I want party food and not a t.v. dinner.

2. The other thing that I discovered is reason #243 why "Katie will never be anorexic." I like it when other people make my food. Sandwiches (ironically enough) taste better when made by someone else. Eating out is usually way better than anything you can get at home. This goes against one of the hallmark rules of someone who is trying to starve themself. They want to prepare all of their food whereas I don't want to prepare ANY of it. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to settle for some other disorder.

A Quick Trip

I was in Nashville for a little over two days (around 49 hours to be exact) and I had a good visit, but it was good to get back home. If I have a busy weekend I always feel like I need another weekend to recover. This really wasn't the case with this weekend. I got alot of sleep and saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while. I also got a little waxing done, which was good 'cause I needed it. I was started to look like a cavewoman. It is truly God's joke that girls get staches. Tom Selleck Magnum P.I. staches. Ugh. Now, I look like a chick again.

He wants an ipod

My father wants an ipod. This is the same man that can go on a 10 hour car trip to Louisiana and never turn on the radio (with the exception of when Rush is on). The man that calls the remote control "that clicker thingy." The man that has no idea what to do if the t.v. accidentally gets switched to the video setting. He who threatened to shun all technology once he retired has now decided that his life would be enhanced by owning a digital music player. He will fill it up with 12 songs and listen to them over and over. Of course, he wants me to be the one who actually downloads i-tunes and puts the music on the "thingy-majig." Ah, to be so technically savvy. I am so not telling him about podcasts because before I know it the damn thing will be filled with the ramblings of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

Bring It!

I played tennis again tonight with my friend Sara and we were AWESOME. Okay, well maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but we weren't AWFUL. It was very humid and I know that I looked pretty attractive by the end of our hour of playing (tennis wears you out!). I am hoping to really improve my game and join the Tour (you know, for pros - duh). Sara really needs to observe my skills and try to play at my level, but we have to start somewhere, right? Hahaha.

The beauty of Tivo

With the aid of my favorite gadget, I am able to enjoy the best part of summer: Big Brother. I admit it is the epitome of trash t.v., but it keeps me entertained during the barren desert of summer television. A bunch of people living together, with the cameras on all the time, without the opportunity to escape? It may sound like television, but it is actually a brilliant vehicle for entertainment. Ahhh.

On another note, my father is throwing himself a retirement party and I have told him that I will be unable to attend due to my work schedule. He has sounded quite disappointed that I won't be able to come to the party. Fortunately for me, I don't actually have to work and I am coming in for the weekend and surprising him. I know, I know, I have already seen him, but this is something that is important to him and there will be a lot of people that I know and love at this little shindig so I am more than happy to attend. Daddy G is about to get a surprise.

Maybe they're Amish

So, I have some new neighbors (I think a new married couple) and I have noticed some weird things about them. First, they moved all their stuff in several months ago and most of it has remained in boxes. The reason I know this is that they have left the windows open on several occasions. During the middle of the day. In Alabama. In the summer. What are they trying to do? Air-condition the entire neighborhood? One of them has an inflammatory anti-abortion bumper sticker on a beat up car. Finally, after seeing the apartment at night during one of my walks with Teddy I realized what else was wrong with them. They have NO TELEVISION. Not a one. What do they do with their time? They must really be in love or just plain crazy. It makes absolutely NO SENSE to me. All of this technology and goodness surrounds them and they have shunned it. Sometimes they just leave the front door and back door open and turn off all the lights. Ugh. Weirdos. They might at well live in a tent.

Daddy has left the building...

He headed out this morning, but not before getting me out of bed (or should I say, couch) a full 25 minutes BEFORE I usually get up. Arrgh. Although I'm not much of a morning person, I manage to become a civil person by the time I have to be anywhere in public. Unfortunately, he kept bothering me to "get up" or "up and at 'em" which just infuriated me. As I stubbornly remained on my couch trying to get some more sleep, it occurred to me that we are extremely different people. He pops up out of bed at the crack ass of dawn and I drag myself from my blackout-curtained room. He wants to go for a "brisk" walk and I am lucky to bathe myself. He feels like you are "wastin' daylight" by remaining in bed and I feel like you are wasting your God-given right to remain in bed as long as possible. Oh well, it was still a good visit. We visited with several of my friends, had some nice meals and generally hung out together. We also avoided discussing politics, which is good because we very different feelings about a lot of things and nothing productive comes from our bickering.

The Greatest

No, not Muhammed Ali. Elvis. I know, I know, I have discussed him ad naseum, but he was the greatest Rock n' Roll artist EVER. Disagree with me, that's fine. During my half-hearted attempt to clean my apartment, I decided to clean out a drawer and found a burned cd. I wasn't sure what it was until I popped it into my computer and The King started singing to me. It just reinforced his talent and how much I love his music. They just don't make 'em like that anymore. And, just so you know, not even John Travolta has staged a comeback like the '68 special. He was on fire and hotter than ever. Amen.

Personal stats:
Favorite portrayal of Elvis: Elvis and Me - the t.v. miniseries
Favorite Song(s): Suspicious Minds, Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Favorite outfit: the comeback special leather suit (seen to your left)
Favorite Aspect of Elvis: his generosity towards strangers
Least Favorite Aspect of Elvis: that he is no longer with us

Bye-bye, Goodbye

Have you ever noticed on television shows that the characters rarely say "bye" on the phone? Jenny always noted that 7th Heaven was one of the worst examples of this phenomenon. They have all of these dramatic conversations and then just hang up the phone. Every one of the characters does this and it drives me crazy. Well, imagine my dismay when it has come to my attention that this is not just something that happens on t.v. I have noticed that I have been on the phone with several people in the past few weeks and they haven't said "goodbye" or some variation of the word. I know it really means nothing, but the call ends so abruptly and it kind of hurts my feelings. My hurt feelings don't last more than a couple of minutes, but it just seems like common curtesy. Shall we bring the goodbye back?

I'm Lost

What day is it? I am so confused. It was Monday, then it felt like the weekend again and now it's almost Thursday? What the hell?! Listen, I'm not complaining, but I am still confused. The other thing that is adding to my sense of vertigo is that Daddy G. is visiting this weekend and I am supposed to clean my apartment for him. Heh. We see how well that worked last time. I got to the den, part of the kitchen and the bathroom. That's all I had in me and that is probably all I have in me this time. If that. Oh well, the weekend is almost here!

The Pokey

Jenny and I were having a discussion the other night about prison. We were speculating as to how either one of us would do if we were in The Big House. Not to worry, anyone, I have no intentions of going to prison and I am not wanted for anything currently (I hope), but I do wonder how I would do in that situation. I'm pretty sure that I would cry like a little girl and end up someone's bitch by the end of my first fifteen minutes or stabbed with a sharpened spoon. It all comes back to my "First Waver" theory (found in my August 11th post in the archives) and the fact that I am not a survivor. Plus, I would not want to be live in prison. I would wish for death, hold my breath forever, drown myself in my tin cup of water, or something like that. How do you think you would do in prison?

I'm "that" girl

By "that" girl, I mean the one that guys come to for advice about other girls and general problems they are having. As I haven't actually been in a relationship since I can't remember when, it is often perplexing to me that they want my opinions. I find that several of my friends and/or aquaintances come to me for advice and that makes me feel good that they value my opinion, but it seems that guys have always seen me as a buddy and I want to find someone of my own - not really set people up with other people and be by myself. Hmmmm, I finally told one of these guys that he had to fix me up with someone. It's my turn...maybe...I guess...perhaps. Well, maybe not yet. Hell, I don't know.